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May 31, 2005
I Heart Ira
Rob and I don't usually go out and "par-tay" anymore. We went through our clubbing phase and what-not years ago. It was a fun time but it got old after awhile. Plus, it definitely takes its toll on the body. On weekends you can usually find the two of us at home, watching HGTV (not my choice but Rob won't watch 'Forensic Files' or as he calls them "death shows"), grooming each other's chest hair and going to bed by 9:00pm. This past holiday weekend we let loose at the beach like we were the Hilton Sisters or Tommy Lee or Lindsay Lohan or Todd Elmer. Luckily, we do not do this on a regular basis.
Saturday morning Rob and I realized we forgot to pack underwear. Great. We thought it was a good idea to buy some so as not to scare the kids. We go to one of those nice fancy-schmancy gay clothing stores. Rob buys a shirt. I get a baseball cap (of course) and we pick up a pair of boxer-briefs. It was a brand I had never heard of but I figure they're all the same. Get home. Shower. Put on my new pair of pretentious panties and realize they are awfully skimpy and...uh...tight. I'm not a fan of briefs and these kind of resembled them. Whatever. Nothing I can do. No one will see them anyway.
I noticed some sort of string with a loop attached to it in the front part inside the underwear. Hmmmm. What could this possibly be for? I thought maybe it was to hold your penis down if you wanted it to lay a particular way. I don't know. I'm not very bright. I show it to Rob who is suddenly an expert on naughtiness and he's like, "That's a cock ring." What? You've got to be kidding me. Rob informs me that guys like to use it so it makes their package look bigger. Wha-wha-what? Oh my god. I vomited. You mean I bought stripper underwear? Indeed, I had. Ew.
Ira insisted on going to some "White Party" that night. Rob and I refused to go. He bought some fancy white clothes just for the event. I took a picture of him before he went which you can see below. You can also listen to Ira's welcome message.
Sunday we all went to the beach. Hung out there for a few hours. Gorgeous weather. Tons of people.
The night before we were given an invite to a Bear-like house party tea dance thingie. I thought, wow this has got to be interesting and dangerous. We all decided to go (me, Rob, Shawn, and Ricardo Montalban Ira).
We arrive. The house was huge and beautiful. Everyone is very friendly. People are scantily clad. Oh no. They are serving kool-aid like drinks. Oh no again. Like Maya Angelou always says, "When someone tells you to beware of the blue colored kool-aid drink cause it's very potent, believe them...the first time."
Two hours later we are naked in a hot tub. Dear god. I look around and realize I'm in the movie "Caligula." Oh no. Time to go.
We left and went to some bar (cuz apparently we had to have more to drink). Had a good time. Went back to the house and I tried to get Bob to perform Cher's "The Shoop Shoop Song" accapella but he refused. It would have been so punk rock. I would have even played the triangle but he still said no. Whatever. Next time. Buy his CD here. In fact, buy two.
Ira took some pictures at the party. Apparently, I like to kiss people when I am photographed. This is also evident in the first picture on my "About" page. Not sure why. I realize I kiss too much. I will work on this. I may post some of these pictures from the tea dance but there are some I can't for legal reasons. ;-)
For some reason Ira took about 20 pictures of me and the infamous Clickboo (who I finally met). Nothing scandalous. Normal pictures. Good guy.
It was a wonderful weekend with wonderful people and I cannot wait to go back. Ira is a gracious host and I love him. And next time I will not forget my underwear.
Click here to listen to Ira's welcome message (this is a wav file. doesn't always work, sorry. bad recording. piece of shit).
Posted by durban bud at May 31, 2005 08:41 AM
Comments
There is just so much going on in this post even I am just too overwhelmed to write anything crazy. LOL
Wish I was there - well for the non-wasted parts - I did plenty of damage to my own liver Sunday evening... how I got up and painted all day yesterday, made dinner and had a great date I will never know...
Was Ira going to one of those Kabbala things?
De plane de plane.
Posted by: TOS at May 31, 2005 02:10 PM
The weekend was a good kick off for our summer. With our partying days mostly behind us once in awhile we still let loose. Understand Durban bud with a beer in his hand is not a strange site but a beer or two or three or more in my hands is unusual and dangerous. I lost count early in the evening and we gave up on plans for dinner after the fourth drink. Just as we were preparing to exit the bar to head to another bar my gay sherpa (Greg) and good friend of Durban Bud walks in. He twists our arms to stay a bit longer. After MORE drinks and a brief detour to TJ’s best friend's house, Ira picks us up and Deb rescues the other car which I was not able to operate in my inebriated state.
Not to be outdone we had a repeat performance Sunday evening with the infamous blue tiki punch and a host of mysterious shots. Needless to say there are some incriminating photos of everyone. I have a strange tendency to lose my clothes and end up in bodies of water after an adventurous evening of drinking. No exception that night. Durban Bud in tow. The details are hazy but the water was warm.
Posted by: rob at May 31, 2005 03:58 PM
and who is this new best friend??? He's on my list now... :-P
Posted by: TOS at May 31, 2005 05:57 PM
He was a friend of Greg's. Nice guy. He was familiar with THE durban bud so I could not stop hugging him and telling him that he was my new best friend. ;-) In fact, I miss him.
Posted by: durban at May 31, 2005 06:07 PM
It was great to meet you guys as well! That "kool-aid" was pretty potent. If I didn't have dinner reservations I certainly would've taken a dip in the hot tub myself. :)
Posted by: Tom at May 31, 2005 07:52 PM
This Sunday, I went to San Francisco's premiere after hour's party called "Sanctuary". I still haven't regained eyesight yet...
Posted by: Matt at May 31, 2005 07:58 PM
Honestly, I have not recovered either and all we did was that legal alcohol stuff (although I think there was something else in that punch, some sort of "secret" ingredient). I feel like I have been hit by Ira's SUV (with Tattoo driving). My poor body has now sustained nutritional abuse for 4 consecutive days. Whatever, we still had fun and don't do it often. Time to detox for awhile.
The hot tub was fun but please be glad you did not somehow lose your stripper underwear or see my bare ass.
Posted by: durban at May 31, 2005 09:14 PM
Durb...I love your column. I'm going to have to drop Craig Wilson's Final Word, which is MUST reading every Wednesday morning, and start my day with the 5 a.m. edition of the Bud! Just wondering...did any of Rob's horticulture expertise contribute to Ira's shirt?
Posted by: Dave at June 1, 2005 05:21 AM
...one more thing...is that Todd Elmer standing next to Ira? I thought he moved to SanFran?
Posted by: Dave at June 1, 2005 05:22 AM
I agree with Dave... plus Rob is much cuter than Craig's partner Jack that he always writes about...
Posted by: TOS at June 1, 2005 09:37 AM
dave, i find your sense of humor disturbing. i am concerned you are living too close to those smokestacks off Exit 43 in Jersey.
but i still think you're hot.
Posted by: t.todd at June 10, 2005 06:31 PM