« Rip Taylor Throws Confetti | Main | Poughkeepsie Girl »

June 15, 2005

Manhattan Furball

A few months ago I invited Randy and "Herbie" over to watch a movie. We went to Health Bar right down the street to order some takeout beforehand. I go to Health Bar a lot. It usually takes about 20 minutes before the meal is ready to go. I realize that is a long time to wait, but I am used to it and accept it.

We went in and placed our orders. It was around 7pm on a Saturday night and was quite crowded. Since we had to wait, I suggested having a drink. I asked the bartender what kind of beer they had on tap. Before the man could finish telling me, Randy pipes in, "I'll have a Manhattan." Randy is one of those sweet-natured, friendly, well-mannered, church-going type of guys so his choice of beverage surprised me. I picture old, slutty, Laura Bush-like women as their primary audience. Randy asks if I want one. Always willing to sample new cocktails, I said, "Sure." He asked Herbie. Herbie, clearly annoyed that we had to wait for our meals, gave a sassy, "I'm not drinking." Whatever.

The bartender finished making them and handed them to us. I took a sip and realized that a Manhattan is really just legal moonshine. My stomach began to burn. Within seconds of taking a sip, a waiter informs us that our meals are ready to go. This would have to happen. The first time EVER they make our meals quickly, and we have ordered a foo-foo-shee-shee drink that takes about an hour to finish. Since Herbie wasn't drinking, I felt an obligation to hurry up. Plus, he kept giving me that "let's go now" glare. Only in his midwestern accent, it sounded more like, "Let's go knee-oww."

I told Randy we needed to finish them quickly. Randy took a big sip and got real quiet. Suddenly, a large cough erupted from his little body. He began to gag. Cough, cough. Snort, snort. Gurgle, gurgle. Sounds were coming out of his mouth that I had never heard before. I kept thinking, how did Randy get a furball stuck in his throat. He kept coughing. And. Then. The whiskey drink started spurting out of his mouth. I was waiting for the alien to explode out of his stomach. The bartender, who looks completely mortified, starts handing Randy baby napkins. Randy wipes his mouth while continuing to dry heave all over the bar. It gets worse. A frothy like whiskey mixture began to drip out of his nose. It was as if his nasal cavity had converted the Manhattan into a Whiskey Sour.

Herbie and I didn't know what to do so we kept patting him on the back as if to say, "Good puppy dog." Should we give him the Heimlich? I don't know. You give him the Heimlich. No, you give him the Heimlich. I'm not gonna give him the Heimlich. You give him the Heimlich. He wasn't turning blue yet so that was a good sign. In between dry heaves, he would chortle, "I'm cough cough gag gag okay." Herbie, remember, is already annoyed because we ordered a drink. Now he's even more annoyed because Randy is coughing up a furball, and creating a major scene in the restaurant.

A man sitting directly behind us puts his fork down from his meal, and looks like he might vomit. A young girl begins to weep. Her mother takes her away. People start leaving the restaurant. It all happened in slow motion.

Luckily, Randy's coughing becomes intermittent, and is no longer dripping from his nose. The furball has been expunged and he is okay.

We can joke about it now. But the damage was already done. Randy coughed up a Manhattan furball and ruined several people's meals.

I ran into Randy last night. I mentioned that we had a good picture of him from the Pride parade. He joked that I should put it on my blog. Good idea. But I have to include the furball incident too.

Good times.

Posted by durban bud at June 15, 2005 11:45 AM

Comments

Posted by: t.todd at June 15, 2005 02:51 PM

Posted by: ken at June 15, 2005 04:11 PM

Posted by: durban at June 15, 2005 04:18 PM

Posted by: Matt at June 15, 2005 06:36 PM

Posted by: janine at March 12, 2007 01:14 AM

Post a comment

Name:

Email Address:

URL:
Remember Me? YesNo

Comments: (you may use HTML tags for style)