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July 15, 2005
Swimmer's Ear
I went to the beach a couple weekends ago. It was that weekend when I wore my lime green bathing suit. It was also the same weekend that Ira forced me to drink a lot without letting me have dinner. You know, when you go to happy hour at 6pm and then realize at 11pm that you probably should have eaten something because you begin to fall asleep while standing up? Yeah, that weekend. Anyway, while I was frolicking like a little kid in the water I got hit by a surprise wave. My ear got clogged. Most of the water came out but there was still a little left in it. And it's still in there.
It's not so bad that I can't hear out of the ear, it's just annoying cuz when I turn my head a certain way I can feel it. I decided to do something about it. I asked Encyclopedia Tos what the best remedy would be. He told me they have stuff for "Swimmer's Ear" that I can pick up at any CVS. He said it's basically alcohol and then proceeded to give me a demonstration on how alcohol and water interact with one another. Apparently, someone watched a lot of Bill Nye, The Science Guy when he was a wee lad.
I went to CVS and picked up something called Swim-EAR. I was so excited to get rid of this little annoyance. I get home and read the directions. Here they are: "Apply 4 to 5 drops in each affected ear." Okay, then what? Am I supposed to tilt my ear up so it soaks in? Am I supposed to tilt my ear down so it runs out? How long do I leave it in before I should move my head? Do I shake my head? Do I do the hokey-pokey? WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?!? I looked for one of those 800 numbers on the label to call for assistance. No such luck.
I decide to proceed along with their instructions, modified with some of mine. I tilt my head to the side and put 4-5 drops in my ear. I don't know how anyone is supposed to do this because you cannot see inside you ear cavity how many freakin' drops you are putting in. Instead, I start "listening" for 4-5 drops. I think I have put 4 or 5 drops in but I may have put in 7, or 3 or even 12. I don't know because I can't see in there!
I let it soak in. I tilt my head back up and a bunch of the alcohol fluid drips out of my ear. That's not good. I tilt my head back. I let it soak in some more. I tilt my head back up. I can't hear out of the ear anymore. I shake my head about. I tilt my ear down trying to get the fluid to drain out. Still can't hear. I stick my finger in and try to pull out the fluid. Nothing. I can't hear out of my freakin' ear anymore! Now I have salt water AND alcohol stuck in my ear. My problem has been exacerbated. I can't hear and I now speak like Marlee Matlin. Thanks Swim-EAR! If anyone has any other suggestions, do let me know.
On a separate issue, a friend of mine has a question. Let's say my friend did a load of laundry. Let's say my friend washed a brand new cotton shirt and then put it in the dryer. Let's say my friend noticed that the shirt is now much smaller after drying it. Is there any way to stretch it out ever so slightly? My friend said the shirt is not ruined but is probably more appropriate for a 5 year old boy instead of a 34 year old man. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to fix this (without having to buy a brand new shirt)? I'll ask Encyclopedia Tos but I thought I would ask you first. My friend would really appreciate any help he can get. Thanks in advance.
Posted by durban bud at July 15, 2005 09:02 AM
Comments
Your friend didn't buy this shirt at Universal Gear, by any chance, did he? Did your friend pay attention to the cleaning instructions on the shirt tag? Ask him. (If he can hear you.)
Posted by: Ken at July 15, 2005 11:39 AM
Go to any homeopathic store and ask if they have ear candles. This solution, though it sounds scary, saved me from swimmer's ear crisis when the drops failed. The process literally sucks the water out of your ear via evaporation:
http://www.bibkit.com/howtoearcandle.html
Posted by: A at July 15, 2005 12:11 PM
If your friends are anything like mine, there is no such thing as a shirt being too tight...
Posted by: Matt at July 15, 2005 05:03 PM
Ken, actually my friend DID get it at said location. How the hell did you know that? He says he looked at the instructions but fell asleep during the drying cycle. He feels real bad. So do you have any helpful tips?
A, thanks for the info. I checked out that web site and it scared the hell out of me. Real bad. There is a man with a burning candle in his ear. I'm too much of a pussy.
Matt, your friends are clearly freaks.
Any other ideas for my dilemmas???
Posted by: durban bud at July 15, 2005 06:22 PM
Well here is what I think... soak the shirt in cold water and then well pull it and try to stretch it some... unfortunately there's not much else you can do - but the water will help expand the fibers a LITTLE...
:-)
maybe you shoudl go to King's Dominion and go on one of those Turkish Twist rides so you can centrifuge the water out...
Posted by: TOS at July 15, 2005 10:03 PM
Tell your friend with the shrunk shirt he just learned an expensive lesson. One the flip side, he does now have a nice birthday present for one of his young nephews!
As for the swimmers ear...the candles kind of spook me too, but if you will lay on your side with your bad ear facing down and press a heating pad (or something very warm) against your ear for about 10-15 minutes it should draw the fluids from your ear.
Good luck!
Posted by: Dave at July 18, 2005 06:42 AM
Take the tiny shirt and put it on outside in the humidity. It'll either melt or stretch back.
Posted by: jimbo at July 20, 2005 11:52 PM
you can also put a hairdryer on low, hold at least 12" from your ear and aim it at the ear for about 10 min.
Posted by: joe at August 23, 2007 08:44 PM
KAY.
So I kind of have the same dilemma as you durban bud. Except I was taking a shower and got water in my ear.. and now I can't hear out of that ear properly. And I've tried just about everything.. like the towel and hairdryer, plus jumping up and down on my left leg and whatever. So wtf. Agh. I'm in desperate need of help.
Posted by: eep. at October 18, 2007 07:31 PM
I am currently freaked about by the same dilemma and the lack of proper freaking instructions on the Swim Ear bottle, but at least now I've had a good laugh. Sorry to think someone else has gone through this, too, but really appreciate the hilarious and accurate account of my situation. By the way Durban, how long did it take for the water to go away...dear God tell me it went away...
Posted by: Carrie at May 1, 2008 03:16 PM
Wow seriously that first story was hilarious!! And I have the same damn problem and I still can't hear a damn thing I did Though get a perscrption from my sister that was expired four years ago ad it's not working either I'm not sure I want to try the candle wax thing though that sounds scary!! But my g-ms who knows like every remmedy ever made cause she is old as dirt said to try hydrogen peroxide in my ear has anyone tried this??? Just curious!!
Posted by: candy at August 12, 2008 05:50 PM
It blocks up your hearing for a little while and you go back to normal after about 10 to 20 minutes. Sometimes less..sometimes more..nothing extreme. But this isn't "Swimmer's Ear"..luckily you avoided swimmer's ear because I have it right now! It's a pain in the ass. This is before I knew about the drops, which coincidentally my mom got it that same day before I knew I had "Swimmer's Ear"! I'm so pissed of right now because school starts in about 3 days and I have to go to doctor tomorrow for antibiotic. What a pain in the ass. I play water polo and this is just horrible.
Anyhow, I just needed to express my feelings. Have a nice day guys :)..remember always drain our your ears, wear a cap, or use the drops. Otherwise you will be in so much pain...not to mention the fact that I can't move my whole right side of my jaw due to the swelling. =/
Posted by: Smart Guy at August 22, 2008 04:45 AM