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August 22, 2005
Mango Was There
Went to the beach one last time this summer. We're gonna be gone for a long time starting this weekend so we wanted one last hoorah there.
Stayed at Tim & Donn's beautiful house in town. They are wonderful hosts and great guys.
Saturday morning we spent on the beach. Perfect weather. The water was nice. There were finally big waves we could play with. Spent about 4 hours out there.
We all left back to the house for a pre-happy hour party (or to take naps and shower). When we arrived back at the house we noticed a few more gentleman had joined us. I did not know them. Most of the men staying at the house were older and had facial hair (I guess it's a requirement to stay there) but there was one person who stuck out like a sore thumb and that, my friends, was Mango from Saturday Night Live (or, at least, that's who he resembled). Now, I don't care if you're nelly or twink-like. I don't care if you're masculine and brute-like. I DO care if you're ignorant. So if you are nelly AND ignorant, I WILL make fun of you.
Most people congregated in the kitchen while chatting so I went into the living room to start a new discussion area. It worked as a few people followed me. Rob immediately joined me when he found out Mango's boyfriend was an extreme-right wing republican. My partner is extremely knowledgeable regarding politics and history. If you debate him about any political/history issue, he will shoot you down and make you look foolish in front of your friends. And it will be funny. Go ahead and try it if you want. I'm always up for a good laugh. However, because he is thoughtful, he decided to just remove himself from the situation.
Again, I don't care what political party you belong to but if you are ignorant (e.g. extreme right AND gay), I will make fun of you.
Anyway, we were chatting with this other guy we had met. He seemed nice, very intelligent and articulate on political issues. Normally, when drinking is involved, I stay away from politics and religion. I've learned my lesson in the past. He began discussing his days in the military and how he killed someone. Thanks for the buzz kill, buddy. What do you say to something like that? I said, I think I need another drink(s). Excuse me for a moment.
I chugged about 3 beers and decided I could handle the conversation now so I went back. They were discussing how China will be the new super power in 10-20 years. I'm like, "Yeah, but has anyone seen the new Green Day video?"
Then the power went out. Apparently, the baby jesus was listening to our conversation and punished us. It was bad timing because Tim & Donn were getting ready to make a huge meal. The house music in the background was now gone. You could here a pin drop. Mango appeared sad because Deborah Cox and Kristine W. ceased to over sing their fierce anthems! Dear god, what was Mango to do! The worst part, however, was that Mango's voice was now audible from where I was sitting. Ironically, Mango's drink of choice was (or is it were) Mango-tini's. For the record, I did not have one single mixed drink during this "pre-happy hour" party. I learned my lesson the last time I was there. One mixed drink at their place is really equal to about 7 and a half normal sized mixed drinks one might find at, oh, let's say, the Olive Garden.
I heard discussions of rimming, vaginas, scat, queefing, more vaginas and then I heard Mango say the following, "I do not want to turn 30. When you turn 30, your life is over!" And then I think he smacked his own sassy 28-inch waif waist ass and snapped his fingers. It got deathly quiet.
Oh really, Mango? Please remember everybody in the room was over 30, if not 40. This queen is 27. 30 is just around the corner, bitch. Luckily, I was on the other side of the room (and I was at somebody else's house) so I kept my mouth shut and tried to be somewhat respectful. However, were I at a different place, I would have snapped his skimpy li'l Flashdance leotard and said,"You LIVE in Richmond, Virginia and are a dating a far-right republican, YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD!"
Mango left soon after. Whew! People started clapping from across the street. Angels wept. Marc, Tom and Tony began square-dancing. The power came back on. The sun came back out. A mini-marching high school band passed by our block playing Celine Dion's, "A New Day Has Come." It was all very surreal but cathartic. I guess the baby jesus didn't like Mango either.
We had a wonderful dinner and met some of Tim & Donn's awesome friends. Apparently, they didn't know Mango either. He was a friend of a friend or something.
We met Tim & Donn while naked in a hot tub. You can meet some real quality people this way I am learning. We sure did. You should try it sometime.
Posted by durban bud at August 22, 2005 08:19 AM
Comments
Hellllllllllllllllo Frisco. Nelly bitches with attitude are in need of being destroyed.
I'm off to Canada for work for a week so I prolly won't have much time to comment... Angels start your weeping...
Posted by: TOS at August 22, 2005 09:57 AM
d-bud, i just hope the love boat has a satellite connection so you can entertain us land-lovers while ur crusing the Greek Isles...hmmm...that reminds me of a party.
Posted by: Dave at August 22, 2005 11:31 PM
Mango sounds odious.
Maybe his life will be over before he turns 30; one can always hope.
Posted by: Eric at August 22, 2005 11:36 PM
Mango reminds me that your twenties are filled with senseless drama. I’m glad they are behind me. And for the record Tim and Donn rock.
Posted by: rob at August 23, 2005 10:07 AM
I'm never good at conjuring witty comebacks, but I woulda tried really hard with Mango, and if I couldn't have thought of something sharp to say I woulda just smacked him right there.
Posted by: jimbo at August 23, 2005 11:47 AM
ROFL (roll on floor laughing) - oh D-bud, this is definately one of your funniest blogs in a while and MAN DID I NEED THE LAUGH! Also, reminds me how much I miss you guys. Have a great trip and so sorry we couldn't join you in your celebration but our hearts are with you nonetheless. After you get back we need to talk about you getting your asses out here to visit us. LOVE YOU BOTH :-)
Posted by: Brian at August 24, 2005 10:31 PM