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September 11, 2005

Cruising

*Sigh*

I never thought I would ever enjoy a cruise, but I have to say it was pretty fucking awesome. I will definitely do another one.

I have tons of stories but, for now, here is what I know:

* Villefrance, Sorrento and, of course, Mykonos were beautiful and my favorites. Must spend more time at each one. Sitges is still one of my faves though. I would also like to have a beach house at either one of these locations. I need a sugar daddy to make this dream happen. Please apply for this position at this address sugardaddy@durbanbud.com. Thanks.

* We did not do one single excursion. Instead, we took our own transporation (trains, boats, walking, etc) and explored. So amazing.

* A party called "Mega Woof" was happening in Barcelona while we were in Sitges, so all these muscle bears were at the beach. It was a pleasant (and HOT) surprise. Our trip got off to a great start.

* Our friend Ira (aka Suitcase Sally) went with us on the entire trip. I have so many stories to tell about him. I could not stop laughing. He is the best traveling companion. We did not fight or bicker once. Total riot.

* We met so many people from all over the world. Guys from Chicago. Guys from LA. Guys from Indianapolis. Guys from Boston. And even some guys from Washington, DC! Seriously, we also met some Brits, a German, a Russian, a few Australians, a few Spaniards, etc.

* Capri pants were everywhere. I did not get the memo about this. I even saw some jean capri pants. That´s just wrong.

* The color orange is the hot color in the Mediterranean. Lime green is next. I am ahead of the curve on that one. ;-)

* The majority of European women are gorgeous.

* On the plane ride over we sat by this really cool Spanish woman. I couldn't help but notice that she spoke just like Charo. I also couldn't help but notice that her nipple was sticking out of her blouse. She didn't seem to mind though. She kept chatting away Charo-style. It was hard to have a conversation with this huge areola staring at me. I wanted to giggle. But I didn't.

* The Queer Eye culture guy, Jai Rodriguez, was on board for the entire trip. He said that 2 of the "straight" guys who got made over on the show have since come out. That´s pretty funny. And sad.

* Naples, Italy? Um, ew. I'll take my pizza to go, please. Thanks.

* Spanish guys are hot.

* If you want to piss off an Australian, keep asking him what part of England he is from. Works every time.

* There were 2000 people on the boat. 41 were women.

* The Brits like to par-tay. Hard.

* Greek guys are hot.

* For some strange reason, we kept hearing Lionel Richie songs all over the Mediterranean. It was very odd.

* Canadians are horny.

* My legs and butt look great from all the walking, but I seem to have accumulated a big belly. That buffet on the boat is pure evil. I prolly gained 10 pounds. Must go to gym. A lot.

* The smoking situation needs to seriously stop.

* We only were exposed to one anti-American comment on our whole trip. I was expecting a lot more. Not sure where this guy was from but it was on our first day of traveling over there and he accused us of cutting in front of him while boarding the plane. He called us "typical Americans." We told him to calm down, and kindly step in front of us if he was so bothered by it. So he did. We were in line to get on the plane. You know, when everyone rushes ahead and is everywhere. The funny thing is we got to sit directly behind him on the plane. I swear I didn't kick his seat.

* I realize wearing a baseball cap immediately identifies me as American (or maybe British or Canadian). I didn't wear one the first couple days cuz I just wanted to "blend" in, but a couple people approached me and asked if I was from America or Britain. I can't win, and I am at peace with that.

* I also totally learned from a Spanish guy that, like, saying the words, "totally" and "like" a lot also identify you as an American. Who, like, knew.

* Italian guys are hot.

* That Kelly Clarkson song, "Since You've Been Gone," is huge over there. Also, I kept hearing that song that goes, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me. Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me...." It was quite humorous watching the gays dance suggestively to that song. Guys were thrusting hard everytime she said "freak." Ew.

* We met this really funny cab driver in Barcelona who barely spoke a word of English. However, as soon as he found out we were American he went on this tirade against Bush. "Boosh is muy mal y muy stupido. Blech!" And then he would spit. It was hysterical. We told him we agreed and assured him not all Americans support the turd.

* I had a moment of sheer terror. It lasted about 8 minutes. When we finished the cruise and went to the airport to head to Madrid, we did a passport check. Mine was missing. I turned white and felt like throwing up. My passport, credit cards and driver's license were all missing. What the hell was I going to do? It was a Saturday. Then, as if we saw the baby jesus right before our eyes, our friendly Spanish cab driver came walking towards us in the airport (in slow motion), waving my passport in his hands. I'm pretty good about keeping my wallet in my front pocket. However, I had worn the same baggy shorts for about 3 days in a row so the pocket was pretty worn open, so it fell out in the cab when I got out. We hugged the man and praised him, and jumped up and down with him, and assured him that we still are not fans of Bush. This seemed to make him very giddy and exhuberant. "Gracias, senor."

* I prefer Europe's version of Diet Coke (Coca-Cola Light) compared to our version. We should import that.

* Debbie Gibson, I'm sorry, I mean Deborah Gibson was the special guest entertainment. I know, I rolled my eyes too. But I have to say she was pretty good and can poke fun of her former teeny bopper star status. She was "lovely" (as the Brits would say).

* If I hear that "Cha-Cha Heels" song one more time, I'm gonna pull a Michael Douglas from the movie, "Falling Down." I'm not kidding. Let's move on, people.

* I was disappointed to see how many toupees were on the boat. Gay guys should know better than this. Let Trent Lott and Tom Delay represent that faux pas. Let's embrace our baldness or get something realistic done. Seriously.

* I will definitely do this again. It was a blast. I highly recommend it.

* My lips are chapped.

I am exhausted. Will write more later and post some pics.

For now,
Must. Get. Rest.

Posted by durban bud at September 11, 2005 09:09 AM

Comments

Posted by: TOS at September 11, 2005 06:15 PM

Posted by: Ken at September 11, 2005 11:35 PM

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Posted by: graham at September 27, 2005 04:31 PM

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