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September 27, 2005
Baby's Got the Blues
* I got myself a little baby office. I swore off Ikea furniture a few years ago but I am not spending a lot of money on work stuff. No way. Plus, some of their newer stuff looks pretty good so we bought a few items. Rob and I assembled a couple desks in it last weekend. Then we christened it.
* On our way home we stopped to rent a movie. We wanted something light so we rented "Monster-in-Law". I have now added the name Jennifer Lopez to the list of actors whose movies I refuse to watch. Just awful. And Jane Fonda made her comeback with that? Did she not read the script? Oh, we also rented a movie called "Plow That Butt". It was just as bad (actually it was slightly better cuz Ms. Lopez was not in it).
It never fails when we rent a porno that some innocent looking girl wearing a pink sweater with little flowers on it is also ready to check out. She was renting a Jennifer Love Hewitt DVD. She patiently waited behind us. I caught her eyes checking the box out a few times. There was a large picture of a hole on it. I wonder what she was thinking.
* I was forced to watch that Extreme Makeover: Home Edition show on Sunday again. Hmm, not sure about that show. The first couple episodes were kinda endearing. Now it's just schmaltzy and exploitive, I think. Are those people who "work and design" the home actors? They can't possibly be the real people doing the actual shit, can they? They're always crying.
Building a home in 7 days is also kinda scary. Not so sure I would trust the structure of a house built that quickly. Also, what happens to the resale value. Obviously, rooms can be painted and what-not after a few years but some of these rooms are gonna cost a fortune to renovate cuz they're so freakin' weird. That bedroom you built into a dinosaur haven for 11-year old Timmy is gonna look real silly when his hormones are raging and he wants to bring a girl (or boy) over while his folks are away. And how 'bout that bed you made into a crayon for Little Suzi cuz she likes to color? That's gonna make her LOSE friends in a couple years. I used to be into football and Jaclyn Smith when I was 10. Look what happened to me. I definitely want to see a follow up show to all these homes in 10 years.
* So glad "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is back.
* I am so old. I just heard a remake of that Roxette song, "Listen to Your Heart". Dear god, am I really that old? I also saw a preview for a remake of "The Fog". I saw that in the theater. Can this really be happening?
* Finally got my ass back to the gym and then found out the rates are going up. Is $80/month too much? I'm not familiar with what other gyms charge these days. My gym is so convenient and actually nice. They are, however, building another one right across the street from me. If it's cheaper and has good equipment and space, I am so there.
* I wonder where we'll end up living in a few years. We've been in DC for a long time. Eventually, it will be time for a change (although it would be so hard to leave our friends). We would love to live in Europe but I realize it's very difficult to make that happen. We could sell our place and move but it's so expensive everywhere we would want to live. We would definitely need to live in a city or at least a very progressive town. Sometimes I think I'd love to have a lot of land with a bunch of animals. Northern California would be nice. Oh, I don't know. I'm a dreamer. In the meantime, I'll just pretend I live on that mountain behind us in this picture:
Posted by durban bud at 01:50 PM | Comments (9)
September 20, 2005
durban bits II
*I watched the Emmys the other night. I love Ellen but she was hardly on the show. That was kinda lame.
*I saw Everybody Loves Raymond for the first time on the plane ride back to DC. It was okay. Ray Romano seems like a decent guy. I hate Doris Roberts though. Anyone who has won 3 emmys in a row in the same category needs to remove their name from the next year's consideration. It speaks volumes of your ego and selfishness if you have to keep yearning to be acknowledged without letting someone else have a chance. Of course, she won yet again, so now she has 4. Who votes for her? It's the same freakin' role every year. How 'bout some diversity, people? Bill Cosby never included his name for consideration even once during his show's entire run and Oprah pulled her name out after she won 3 or 4 in a row. That's classy and unselfish. Doris Roberts is a giant douche.
*I really like Kelly Ripa. I think she's hysterical. I never watched that show before (except, occasionally, to watch Kathie Lee cry). She, I think, saved the show and because of her, the show will keep going after Regis croaks. Good casting.
*We STILL have the same 3 movies we got from Netflix 4 months ago. That is inexcusable and irresponsible.
*This movie looks awesome and is getting really good reviews so far. Watch the trailer. Gonna be sad though.
*Somebody from Iran reads my blog. Should I be concerned? Update: I was trying to be somewhat funny but Jeremy pointed this out to me and it's not funny at all.
*I need to buy a laptop very soon. The monitor should be at least 17" and be able to work quickly with high quality design and web software. And it should be somewhat affordable. Any suggestions? Please email me.
*It's been an extremely hard adjustment to go from paradise back to the reality of day to day working. Last week was rough. I am making a few risky changes though so hopefully that will help. Can I please win Powerball? Thanks.
Posted by durban bud at 01:07 PM | Comments (6)
September 16, 2005
Shake Your Love
I am so gay. I didn't realize how gay I was until I went to see Debbie Gibson in a free concert on our trip. Actually, now that I think about it, there were guys there who were way gayer than me. Some guy yelled to Debbie, "Gurrrrrl, I get lost in YOUR eyes, mmm'kay?" and then he sa-shayed away.
She performed a bunch of Broadway tunes for about an hour. I guess she's been doing pretty well in the theatre scene and wants to establish herself as a serious performer. Whatever. It totally put me to sleep. All the queens in the audience seemed to know all these songs. They kept clapping when she started the lyric. I really can't handle those types of songs. Sorry, I did not get that gay gene. I hate show tunes.
I am kind of a sucker for eighties trivia and crappy music though. If they come out with a Trivial Pursuit version focusing on eighties music, I will totally beat you.
She left the stage and put on some jeans, came back, and did all her 80's hits. It must be weird being, like, 35 and singing and dancing to "Electric Youth." I can't even imagine reading things I wrote 20 years ago, much less reciting them. It would be very strange. She seemed to be having a great time and was very friendly. She came into the crowd a number of times and danced with people (aka gay men).
Anyway, a few weeks earlier, Mike, our spin/cycling instructor at the gym (who I have an itty bitty crush on and he knows it) played a Debbie Gibson song during class. He usually plays one 80's song each session. This time it was Debbie's turn. Some woman chimed in rather loudly after hearing the song, "Well, if we didn't know you were gay before, we sure do now." Everyone laughed. It was kinda funny. I could tell he was somewhat embarrassed. I felt bad for him but he did play it off well. After class, she kept going off on him for playing Debbie Gibson. It was weird, though, to try and get motivated hearing one of her songs. "Shake your love; I just can't shake your love..." Um, no. That is not going to make me spin faster.
So because of this whole little Debbie Gibson controversy during class, I thought it a perfect time to get my secret boyfriend spin instructor an autographed picture of her. It is something I would NEVER do for myself but I thought it would be funny to get it for Mike since he seemed to be a fan (even though he's, like, 41 years old).
So we stand in this huge gay line to meet her after the show just to get a little gag gift for a guy we have become friendly with but still hardly know. I suddenly felt like a 12 year old girl. They are selling T-shirts and CDs and pictures of her. I didn't realize I had to buy something so she could sign it. I thought she could just sign my receipt I got from an ATM earlier in the day. My little gag was becoming pricey. I decided to buy the cheapest thing they had, a postcard. It was about 7 bucks. Nice.
It was now our turn to say hi to her. It was very awkward. There were lots of people around us taking pictures. The guys before us were saying things to her like, "You were so amazing tonight" and "You meant a lot to me when I was growing up. Your music helped me get through some difficult times." I'm thinking, "Only in My Dreams" was therapeutic for you? It never really spoke to me quite like that. A couple bong hits usually did the trick.
I could care less about celebrity, any form of it (A-list, D-list, whatever). It just doesn't appeal to me. We're all just people. Well, at least most of us are.
I didn't know what to say after what those guys so passionately said, so I looked at her and just said, "My friend Pam has a nose similar to yours." She tilted her head as if confused and said, "Oh, that poor thing." "No, no, no. Your nose looks great. They just look similar." Okay, this has now gotten beyond weird.
I handed her the postcard and said, "Can you make this out to Mike?" "Of course," she says sweetly. She begins writing. We take a photo with her. She hands me the signed postcard. We walk away.
I read what she wrote. "Mike, so glad we met, Deborah Gibson." Um, no, Miss Debbie. I am not Mike. You did not meet Mike. You totally fucked up my gag gift Debbie Gibson. I'm really pissed at you right now Debbie Gibson. I thought about going back so she could cross that out and write something else, but realized I had already invested too much time in this silly li'l souvenir. I will just let it go. So I did. It's the thought that counts. Got it?
I have yet to give it to Mike. He better freakin' appreciate it.
What the hell am I doing here? Please kill me.
Posted by durban bud at 07:15 AM | Comments (7)
September 14, 2005
Suitcase Sally / The Night the Lights Went Out in Sitges
Suitcase Sally
My friend Ira (on the right) needs his own sitcom. Things happen to him that really need to be written into a teleplay.
Anyway, as we were loading up our bags to head to the airport for our long excursion, Ira began freaking out when he noticed Rob and I had only brought one suitcase each. We've been to Europe before and don't really like or need to lug around a lot of bags. One big bag is perfect for us. We just took the essentials. Some of our clothing could be worn more than once and/or washed while we were there. Not a big deal.
Well, Suitcase Sally started to freak. "Oh my God! I knew I packed too much! I'm so embarrassed." As he popped the trunk open to put our bags in we saw what he meant. The music from the shower scene in Psycho suddenly played in my head. There, before us, were the largest bags we had ever seen. Apparently, he thought he was traveling on a revival of Madonna's entire Drowned World tour or something. They were also bright red. Ira is a person of one. We weren't quite sure why he felt he needed so many bags. I could picture The Waltons or The Jacksons or The Wayans family packing that much, but again, it was just Ira, party of one.
We arrive at the airport. There appear to be no problems. A few of the airline staff snicker, a couple people stared and some kids pointed when they saw his luggage but that was it.
As we're on the plane at maximum altitude, I couldn't help but notice the plane kind of tilting to one side. It was obvious where the big red bags were stowed.
We arrive in Barcelona. and head out to the taxi waiting area to go to our hotel in Sitges. The taxi drivers would see me and Rob with our one bag each and motion for us to come over. Then Ira would come into their view with his push tractor carrying all of his bags. They would let out a slight scream, gasp, curse and hit the gas hard as they could and speed off. This happened a number of times. I'm not kidding. No matter what we did, no one would stop. What were we going to do? We thought about taking 2 cabs but again, Ira's luggage would not fit in the trunk.
We had to rent something large. We decided to ask a man driving an 18-wheeler type vehicle. Surely, that would be big enough. And luckily it was. But it cost us 90 Euros. Oh well.
For the rest of the trip we informed people ahead of time that we would be coming with a "wide load". Most of the hotels had rented large cranes to move Ira's bags up to his room (kinda like they do with grand pianos). This worked out great as you can see below.
The Night the Lights Went Out in Sitges
As we arrived in Sitges, Ira asked to borrow my hair trimmer. I use it to keep my goatee nice and tight. Ira doesn't have a goatee (or hair for that matter), so I was concerned what he was going to use it for. He promised not to use it below his waist, so I let him use it.
About an hour later I notice the lights and TV in our room begin to flicker on and off. Hmm, this is odd.
The phone rings. I pick it up:
Me: "Hola"
Phone Caller: "Ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, pant pant pant, trimmer, pant pant pant, ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, hot, ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, blew up!"
Me: "Sir, I cannot understand what you are saying. Plea-"
Phone Caller: "Ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, pant pant pant, trimmmmmmer, pant pant pant, ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, so hot, ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, blew up!"
Me: "Sir, please calm down and take a deep breath so I can understand what you are saying. I do want to help you, but you really need to calm down." Suddenly I was a 911 operator. Secretly, I wanted to slap the caller like Cher did in Moonstruck, "Snap out of it!"
Then I thought maybe it was housekeeping so I said, "I'm sorry if you are calling about turning our bed down now, we're not interested at this time. It's too early. Thank you."
Phone Caller: pant pant pant, "YOUR trimmer just blew up while I was using it, pant pant pant , and shorted out the electricity in the building!" he finally said slowly and in an accusatory tone.
Me: "Oh my God, Ira is that you?"
Ira: "Yes."
Me: "I was wondering what was going on with the lights. MY trimmer blew up? What the hell were you doing with it?"
Ira: "It got really, really hot and made this popping noise, and then the lights went out. Your trimmer must be really old."
Me: "Are you okay?"
Ira: "Yes, I'm fine, but I only got to shave part of it off so now the other side looks ridiculous. Has it ever gotten really hot for you?"
I didn't want to know what he was referring to regarding that first part so I didn't ask. "It doesn't get really hot unless you use it for a long time. Did you use it for a long time?"
Ira: "No, it happened quickly."
Me: "Does the staff here know that you caused the blackout?"
Ira: "Yeah, I called them. They are sending someone up."
Me: "If they ask where you are from, please say Canada, okay?"
Ira: "They're here now. Gotta go."
I almost wanted to run to his room to see the expression on their faces when they saw what exactly caused this dilemma.
He calls back.
Me: "Is everything okay now?"
Ira: "Yes."
Me: "Did the guy who visited your room speak English?"
Ira: "No."
Me: "Did he understand what you were doing with the trimmer?"
Ira: "Not sure. He did pick up the trimmer, but dropped it cuz it was so hot. I think your trimmer is fried."
Great, I thought to myself. Ira probably used my goatee trimmer on his ass hair, and it took so long to shave it all, so my poor trimmer overloaded, freaked out and blew up.
Me: "Did you show the man your new hair pattern?"
Ira: "Shut up."
Me: "You told him you are from Hamilton, Ontario, right?"
Ira: "Shut up."
Rob chimes in, "What kind of adapter did he use with his converter in the European outlet?"
I ask Ira this question.
Ira: "I used the one that I use to charge my camera with."
Rob: "Um, Ira. That adapter should not be used for appliances like hair trimmers! Check the voltage amount it holds. You can't use that adapter for things like that over here."
Ira: "Oh."
Mystery solved and the lights went back on fairly quickly. However, my trimmer did not come back on.
I'm sure the folks at the Hotel Calipolis in Sitges will never forget Ira. Nor his luggage.
And this was just the start of our trip.
Posted by durban bud at 01:30 PM | Comments (7)
September 11, 2005
Cruising
*Sigh*
I never thought I would ever enjoy a cruise, but I have to say it was pretty fucking awesome. I will definitely do another one.
I have tons of stories but, for now, here is what I know:
* Villefrance, Sorrento and, of course, Mykonos were beautiful and my favorites. Must spend more time at each one. Sitges is still one of my faves though. I would also like to have a beach house at either one of these locations. I need a sugar daddy to make this dream happen. Please apply for this position at this address sugardaddy@durbanbud.com. Thanks.
* We did not do one single excursion. Instead, we took our own transporation (trains, boats, walking, etc) and explored. So amazing.
* A party called "Mega Woof" was happening in Barcelona while we were in Sitges, so all these muscle bears were at the beach. It was a pleasant (and HOT) surprise. Our trip got off to a great start.
* Our friend Ira (aka Suitcase Sally) went with us on the entire trip. I have so many stories to tell about him. I could not stop laughing. He is the best traveling companion. We did not fight or bicker once. Total riot.
* We met so many people from all over the world. Guys from Chicago. Guys from LA. Guys from Indianapolis. Guys from Boston. And even some guys from Washington, DC! Seriously, we also met some Brits, a German, a Russian, a few Australians, a few Spaniards, etc.
* Capri pants were everywhere. I did not get the memo about this. I even saw some jean capri pants. That´s just wrong.
* The color orange is the hot color in the Mediterranean. Lime green is next. I am ahead of the curve on that one. ;-)
* The majority of European women are gorgeous.
* On the plane ride over we sat by this really cool Spanish woman. I couldn't help but notice that she spoke just like Charo. I also couldn't help but notice that her nipple was sticking out of her blouse. She didn't seem to mind though. She kept chatting away Charo-style. It was hard to have a conversation with this huge areola staring at me. I wanted to giggle. But I didn't.
* The Queer Eye culture guy, Jai Rodriguez, was on board for the entire trip. He said that 2 of the "straight" guys who got made over on the show have since come out. That´s pretty funny. And sad.
* Naples, Italy? Um, ew. I'll take my pizza to go, please. Thanks.
* Spanish guys are hot.
* If you want to piss off an Australian, keep asking him what part of England he is from. Works every time.
* There were 2000 people on the boat. 41 were women.
* The Brits like to par-tay. Hard.
* Greek guys are hot.
* For some strange reason, we kept hearing Lionel Richie songs all over the Mediterranean. It was very odd.
* Canadians are horny.
* My legs and butt look great from all the walking, but I seem to have accumulated a big belly. That buffet on the boat is pure evil. I prolly gained 10 pounds. Must go to gym. A lot.
* The smoking situation needs to seriously stop.
* We only were exposed to one anti-American comment on our whole trip. I was expecting a lot more. Not sure where this guy was from but it was on our first day of traveling over there and he accused us of cutting in front of him while boarding the plane. He called us "typical Americans." We told him to calm down, and kindly step in front of us if he was so bothered by it. So he did. We were in line to get on the plane. You know, when everyone rushes ahead and is everywhere. The funny thing is we got to sit directly behind him on the plane. I swear I didn't kick his seat.
* I realize wearing a baseball cap immediately identifies me as American (or maybe British or Canadian). I didn't wear one the first couple days cuz I just wanted to "blend" in, but a couple people approached me and asked if I was from America or Britain. I can't win, and I am at peace with that.
* I also totally learned from a Spanish guy that, like, saying the words, "totally" and "like" a lot also identify you as an American. Who, like, knew.
* Italian guys are hot.
* That Kelly Clarkson song, "Since You've Been Gone," is huge over there. Also, I kept hearing that song that goes, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me. Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me...." It was quite humorous watching the gays dance suggestively to that song. Guys were thrusting hard everytime she said "freak." Ew.
* We met this really funny cab driver in Barcelona who barely spoke a word of English. However, as soon as he found out we were American he went on this tirade against Bush. "Boosh is muy mal y muy stupido. Blech!" And then he would spit. It was hysterical. We told him we agreed and assured him not all Americans support the turd.
* I had a moment of sheer terror. It lasted about 8 minutes. When we finished the cruise and went to the airport to head to Madrid, we did a passport check. Mine was missing. I turned white and felt like throwing up. My passport, credit cards and driver's license were all missing. What the hell was I going to do? It was a Saturday. Then, as if we saw the baby jesus right before our eyes, our friendly Spanish cab driver came walking towards us in the airport (in slow motion), waving my passport in his hands. I'm pretty good about keeping my wallet in my front pocket. However, I had worn the same baggy shorts for about 3 days in a row so the pocket was pretty worn open, so it fell out in the cab when I got out. We hugged the man and praised him, and jumped up and down with him, and assured him that we still are not fans of Bush. This seemed to make him very giddy and exhuberant. "Gracias, senor."
* I prefer Europe's version of Diet Coke (Coca-Cola Light) compared to our version. We should import that.
* Debbie Gibson, I'm sorry, I mean Deborah Gibson was the special guest entertainment. I know, I rolled my eyes too. But I have to say she was pretty good and can poke fun of her former teeny bopper star status. She was "lovely" (as the Brits would say).
* If I hear that "Cha-Cha Heels" song one more time, I'm gonna pull a Michael Douglas from the movie, "Falling Down." I'm not kidding. Let's move on, people.
* I was disappointed to see how many toupees were on the boat. Gay guys should know better than this. Let Trent Lott and Tom Delay represent that faux pas. Let's embrace our baldness or get something realistic done. Seriously.
* I will definitely do this again. It was a blast. I highly recommend it.
* My lips are chapped.
I am exhausted. Will write more later and post some pics.
For now,
Must. Get. Rest.
Posted by durban bud at 09:09 AM | Comments (13)