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September 14, 2005
Suitcase Sally / The Night the Lights Went Out in Sitges
Suitcase Sally
My friend Ira (on the right) needs his own sitcom. Things happen to him that really need to be written into a teleplay.
Anyway, as we were loading up our bags to head to the airport for our long excursion, Ira began freaking out when he noticed Rob and I had only brought one suitcase each. We've been to Europe before and don't really like or need to lug around a lot of bags. One big bag is perfect for us. We just took the essentials. Some of our clothing could be worn more than once and/or washed while we were there. Not a big deal.
Well, Suitcase Sally started to freak. "Oh my God! I knew I packed too much! I'm so embarrassed." As he popped the trunk open to put our bags in we saw what he meant. The music from the shower scene in Psycho suddenly played in my head. There, before us, were the largest bags we had ever seen. Apparently, he thought he was traveling on a revival of Madonna's entire Drowned World tour or something. They were also bright red. Ira is a person of one. We weren't quite sure why he felt he needed so many bags. I could picture The Waltons or The Jacksons or The Wayans family packing that much, but again, it was just Ira, party of one.
We arrive at the airport. There appear to be no problems. A few of the airline staff snicker, a couple people stared and some kids pointed when they saw his luggage but that was it.
As we're on the plane at maximum altitude, I couldn't help but notice the plane kind of tilting to one side. It was obvious where the big red bags were stowed.
We arrive in Barcelona. and head out to the taxi waiting area to go to our hotel in Sitges. The taxi drivers would see me and Rob with our one bag each and motion for us to come over. Then Ira would come into their view with his push tractor carrying all of his bags. They would let out a slight scream, gasp, curse and hit the gas hard as they could and speed off. This happened a number of times. I'm not kidding. No matter what we did, no one would stop. What were we going to do? We thought about taking 2 cabs but again, Ira's luggage would not fit in the trunk.
We had to rent something large. We decided to ask a man driving an 18-wheeler type vehicle. Surely, that would be big enough. And luckily it was. But it cost us 90 Euros. Oh well.
For the rest of the trip we informed people ahead of time that we would be coming with a "wide load". Most of the hotels had rented large cranes to move Ira's bags up to his room (kinda like they do with grand pianos). This worked out great as you can see below.
The Night the Lights Went Out in Sitges
As we arrived in Sitges, Ira asked to borrow my hair trimmer. I use it to keep my goatee nice and tight. Ira doesn't have a goatee (or hair for that matter), so I was concerned what he was going to use it for. He promised not to use it below his waist, so I let him use it.
About an hour later I notice the lights and TV in our room begin to flicker on and off. Hmm, this is odd.
The phone rings. I pick it up:
Me: "Hola"
Phone Caller: "Ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, pant pant pant, trimmer, pant pant pant, ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, hot, ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, blew up!"
Me: "Sir, I cannot understand what you are saying. Plea-"
Phone Caller: "Ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, pant pant pant, trimmmmmmer, pant pant pant, ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, so hot, ahhhhhh, yai, yai, yai, yai, blew up!"
Me: "Sir, please calm down and take a deep breath so I can understand what you are saying. I do want to help you, but you really need to calm down." Suddenly I was a 911 operator. Secretly, I wanted to slap the caller like Cher did in Moonstruck, "Snap out of it!"
Then I thought maybe it was housekeeping so I said, "I'm sorry if you are calling about turning our bed down now, we're not interested at this time. It's too early. Thank you."
Phone Caller: pant pant pant, "YOUR trimmer just blew up while I was using it, pant pant pant , and shorted out the electricity in the building!" he finally said slowly and in an accusatory tone.
Me: "Oh my God, Ira is that you?"
Ira: "Yes."
Me: "I was wondering what was going on with the lights. MY trimmer blew up? What the hell were you doing with it?"
Ira: "It got really, really hot and made this popping noise, and then the lights went out. Your trimmer must be really old."
Me: "Are you okay?"
Ira: "Yes, I'm fine, but I only got to shave part of it off so now the other side looks ridiculous. Has it ever gotten really hot for you?"
I didn't want to know what he was referring to regarding that first part so I didn't ask. "It doesn't get really hot unless you use it for a long time. Did you use it for a long time?"
Ira: "No, it happened quickly."
Me: "Does the staff here know that you caused the blackout?"
Ira: "Yeah, I called them. They are sending someone up."
Me: "If they ask where you are from, please say Canada, okay?"
Ira: "They're here now. Gotta go."
I almost wanted to run to his room to see the expression on their faces when they saw what exactly caused this dilemma.
He calls back.
Me: "Is everything okay now?"
Ira: "Yes."
Me: "Did the guy who visited your room speak English?"
Ira: "No."
Me: "Did he understand what you were doing with the trimmer?"
Ira: "Not sure. He did pick up the trimmer, but dropped it cuz it was so hot. I think your trimmer is fried."
Great, I thought to myself. Ira probably used my goatee trimmer on his ass hair, and it took so long to shave it all, so my poor trimmer overloaded, freaked out and blew up.
Me: "Did you show the man your new hair pattern?"
Ira: "Shut up."
Me: "You told him you are from Hamilton, Ontario, right?"
Ira: "Shut up."
Rob chimes in, "What kind of adapter did he use with his converter in the European outlet?"
I ask Ira this question.
Ira: "I used the one that I use to charge my camera with."
Rob: "Um, Ira. That adapter should not be used for appliances like hair trimmers! Check the voltage amount it holds. You can't use that adapter for things like that over here."
Ira: "Oh."
Mystery solved and the lights went back on fairly quickly. However, my trimmer did not come back on.
I'm sure the folks at the Hotel Calipolis in Sitges will never forget Ira. Nor his luggage.
And this was just the start of our trip.
Posted by durban bud at September 14, 2005 01:30 PM
Comments
Silly. And I can SO picture Ira's suitcases. :)
Posted by: Tom at September 14, 2005 12:58 PM
In Japan the taxis are very very small. When I went there for my year study abroad all I brought was 2 50lb suitcases... for a YEAR. I'm no fashionista by any standard but that got by by just fine... Anyhoo they were big suitcases and the school picked me and another kid up at the airport. He had 2 of the same suitcases like me. So of course how many cabs did we end up needing?
3 - you read correctly, 3. Two for the luggage and one for us and my new Japanese roomie didn't get to ride in the cab, he had to hitch a ride with a friend!
The Japanese would no doubt deport Ira upon arrival... LOL either that or the taxi cab union would have a party!
Posted by: TOS at September 14, 2005 05:42 PM
HILARIOUS...I'm afraid to ask which half of WHAT was trimmed....
I can relate to Ira...more than one adapter for electric things? Please. ONE adapter is too many.
Posted by: Ken at September 14, 2005 10:29 PM
As usual, I need stitches from laughing so hard. I think I tore something!!! Glad you guys had such a great trip. Tell Ira to just use Nair next time. So did you just go untrimmed the rest of the journey? Hope to see you and Rob soon.
Posted by: Donn at September 15, 2005 01:59 PM
I'm still chuckling. Ira should know he's not the only American who's done something like this.
When I was in Peace Corps in Kenya my roommate was blow drying his hair (this, mind you, was in the 1980s). Why Jimmy was blow drying his hair is another story.
In any case, I was getting dressing in the other room when I smelled something odd ... burning, in fact. I looked into the bathroom and saw Jimmy, seemingly oblivious, holding a blow drier dispensing sparks as well as hot air onto his now-flaming head. After throwing a towel over his head, extinguishing the flames, and making the obligatory Michael Jackson joke, Jimmy asked me in his best Texas accent, "Wha did mah haar draaher blow up?" Quickly assessing that it was an American blow drier being used in a country with 220v house current, it was easy to see how it happened. I to this day don't know how Jimmy got the plug in the outlet!
Posted by: scory at September 16, 2005 11:18 AM
Ira's looking pretty hip these days! I think you should run if he asks you to go hiking and/or overnight camping. Did you check to see if his suitcases were empty on the trip over and that he brought them only to carry his purchases home?
Posted by: Dave at September 21, 2005 10:50 PM
Lord have mercy.
1985, Mexico City, Mexico-Ten highschoolers fourteenth floor of the Americana (no longer there since the earthquake a year later to the day). Brian T. captian of the football team-body I would have sold my left testicle for-my roommate for the week.
mind you we were told not to bring jeans, shorts or tank tops. Men would catcall and give us a hard time if we wore these items.
First day in the room;
"um, Brian, whats that in your suitcase?"
Brian: "These are my shorts and wifebeaters for the day time and then I brought jeans for night time."
me: "So, you don't mind if the locals call you names and pinch and poke at you?"
Brian: "they won't do that to me I am on the football team I'm not gay."
me: "okay"
Four tequillas later I was in his pants and we fucked all week!
second day went shopping for pants and button down shirts!
Posted by: joseph at January 11, 2007 05:52 PM