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October 05, 2005
Birds and Hugging Etiquette
This past weekend was gorgeous in DC. Sunny and 70's the whole time. I decided to take advantage of the outdoors since I didn't have much to do. I went to the Circle on Saturday to people watch. I brought my little blanket, a magazine and some music. I laid down in an area by a tree that had a good view of all the people walking through the park. I noticed right next to me a few booths set-up in which people were offering to give "Stress Tests" to unsuspecting passer-byers (e.g. poor people and tourists). I was surprised how many people fell for it. It's a great marketing tool for those scientologists. People sat down, were asked a few questions and then that Diuretics book (or whatever it's called) was shoved in their faces to purchase. I wanted to warn those that actually stopped for a "stress test" what they were really all about. But I was too relaxed in the sun to move. People need to learn on their own.
As I was enjoying the serenity of the afternoon some fuckhead decided to throw bread crumbs in front of my blanket. The man appeared to be homeless so I cut him some slack. I still gave him a dirty look. Not really sure what that would accomplish but it made me feel better. If he has no money, shouldn't he be eating those crumbs? After the 100 or so pigeons descended by my resting place, another fuckhead (who did not appear homeless) threw some crumbs on top of the other ones. Hi, I'll take "Rude Motherfuckers" for $200, Alex. Suddenly, I was Tippi Hedren in The Birds. I started swatting them with my magazine and screaming. I was looking for the nearest telephone booth. If you must feed the birds there are plenty of other spots in the park to do this. Do people not know how disgusting birds are? I mean anyone who would care for filthy birds has to have a few screws loose.
My buddy David joined me at the park. After watching this 22 year-old drunk boy stumble all over the park at 2:00 in the afternoon, we decided to leave.
As we walked down the street I saw a bunch of guys I had not seen in awhile. These were people I knew but never really hung out with. I felt this immediate uncomfortable feeling us gay guys sometimes get when we're not sure what form of affectionate acknowledgement to give. Should I hug them, hug them with a kiss on the cheek, shake hands, or just nod and say, Hey? It's always so odd for me. I'm usually just a hand shaker and, once in awhile, a hugger. Some people I hardly know kiss me on the cheek or, if they're drunk (or I am), on the mouth. Some people I know really well just wave and say hi. Gay guys have a whole unique way of greeting each other. I find the hugging thing very sweet even though I don't always practice it. I wish more people would do this. It's just weird when you don't really know the person so you're not sure what their level of comfort is yet. And it never fails when I give a gay guy a hug and THINK he probably is the kissing type I move in to plant him a kiss on the cheek only to realize he just wants to hug, starts to pull away and I end up kissing his ear. Ew. I end up having that bitter taste in my mouth for the next hour.
Straight guys used to be easier to greet. It was always a handshake which I have no problem with. In fact, I usually prefer it that way. Now it has turned into that rapper bump-chest hug like thing. I still don't know how to do it correctly. There should be classes on it. This one straight guy I'm friends with does this with me whenever I see him. He approaches me. I get nervous. I reach my hand out, he grabs it, pulls me in, we bump shoulders and I instinctively put my arm around him and pat his back as if to say, "There, there, ol' straight boy." Never fails. I can't help it. It's in my nature. Most people usually release after the shoulder bump. However, I don't. Whatever.
I should add, though, that I am a sucker for BIG BEAR HUGS for those that I know and, of course, really cute guys. Eddie Cibrian, Matthew Fox and Dean Coulter (see below) can give me a bear hug whenever they want. I will even kiss their ears.
Posted by durban bud at October 5, 2005 11:22 AM
Comments
I love the gay hug and kiss thing. I am definitely one of those guys who hugs pretty much anyone and usually you get 1 kiss on the cheek after. It's very European - I grew up that way (though for Italians it's 2 kisses - 1 on each cheek - the French are 3...) I always thought it was nice and even when I was "str8" this is how I would greet most gays and gay friendly types. But sometimes even I falter and feel silly when I don't know to hug or not - some people just don't like it... My friend Anson however you really don't hug, faggy ab-fab style air-kisses yes but no hugs. On the other hand, his bf who we call Puppy gets a full-on bear hug and kiss and maybe a hair-ruffle but that is reserved for the close friends.
Of course if your name is Todd and you have a beagle named Bailey you skip the hug all together, he molests your belly button, tries to suck on your nipples - he definitely makes his presence known...
Posted by: TOS at October 5, 2005 04:40 PM
Too funny. Hey, enjoy the handshake before the avian flu arrives....hell, enjoy any of it before it arrives...
-- Debbie Downer
Posted by: ken at October 5, 2005 09:12 PM
I used to stress about this a lot. I have a very good (gay) friend who is also from the Midwest and, unless we haven't seen each other for many months or something really traumatic has happened, we greet each other just by saying "hi" -- no handshaking, hugging, or kissing. For most gay friends I do a hug with an optional kiss on the cheek, depending. For people I don't really like or don't really know, I just shake hands. And if I've slept/made out with someone, I feel compelled to kiss him on the lips.
With most straight guys I just shake hands, but I have two straight male friends who kiss me on the cheek: one is Spanish and the other is a "fag stag".
Posted by: Eric at October 6, 2005 07:50 AM
I'm more of a handshake guy. You'll get a hug if I know you a bit, but the kiss thing rarely happens, unless there are several drinks involved. I'm too old for the shoulder-bump thing. That would just look silly.
All bets are off if you're a hottie though.
Posted by: Dumbek at October 6, 2005 08:08 AM
DurbanBud is well-known for his love of extremely affectionate greetings (and goodbyes). I encourage everyone to slather TJ with many wet kisses and playful pats on the head each and every time you see him. Really. For serious . . .
Posted by: t.todd at October 6, 2005 05:05 PM
Who is that first guy? HOT! Dean's never done it for me but Eric Evans on the other hand... but that is where Dbud and I digress on porn stars :)
Posted by: TOS at October 6, 2005 07:29 PM
I'm with Eric on the midwest tendencies to just shake hands with anyone. Or I'll go for a kiss on the cheek when they're coming for my lips. Try leaving a rugby party and having to kiss 40 people. I'm just not up for that.
TJ is an exception to this rule, however. I'm going to practically envelop your face with my lips when I see you next.
Posted by: jimbo at October 6, 2005 10:24 PM
I'm *definitely* the kissy type but only when I'm drunk. :) Otherwise, I'm standoffish-new-englander. :)
Posted by: Tom Joyce at October 7, 2005 09:29 AM
Dean Coulter...he's like a fine wine...
Posted by: matt at October 7, 2005 02:57 PM
Well, I do handshake with people I know, but just a hi for people I meet quite often with. A hug is reserved for friends, and when it has been long time since it becomes a combination of hug and hold. Rarely do kiss, reserved for intimate relationships ... I dont feel confortabele with even a cheek kiss for no apparent reasons ... rather say something first.
Posted by: Victor at December 29, 2007 04:53 AM
hello. you mentioned Dean Coulter, and i was wondering if you'd know updates on that handsome man. i don't seem to find any in the net these days. but perhaps you can point me to the proper direction. thank you.
Posted by: Benito at September 27, 2008 12:48 PM