« Stoner Cruise | Main | Rain »
October 24, 2005
Man Crush
Rob thinks my straight neighbor has a man crush on me. I don't think I agree, but I will say his behavior was a bit odd the other day.
We've lived in our building for 2.5 years. Everyone is straight except for us and the guy who lives next door who owns the yippy weiner dog that barks all the time. He used to own two of those awful creatures, but one of them mysteriously disappeared. ;-) Anyway, we are friendly with everyone but we don't hang out or anything.
We got an Evite from one of the married couples two weeks ago inviting us to a party they were having on Saturday. After their little par-tay, everyone was to go out to a club. It was basically a pre-party celebration because their favorite club was closing. I did not know they were clubbers. Everyone in our building is progressive, but I would not classify any of them as the clubbing type. What do I know.
I received an email from my neighbor earlier last week asking me to check my spam folder for an Evite he had sent, cuz he had not heard from me yet. Okay, I'll get right on that.
I decided to respond the day before their little party. I sent my response. Of course I said we would be there; I mean, they're our neighbors; they know if we're home; we can't lie. Plus, they are nice and we do like them.
At almost the exact same time there was a knock at our door. Rob gets it. I hear our neighbor asking if we had received the Evite. Rob, who is clearly clueless about the party (mainly because he is not the event planner in the relationship), says he does not know. I hear our neighbor say, "Where's your boyfriend?" Rob, being ever so thoughtful says, I think he's sleeping downstairs. I decided I needed to nip this in the durban bud.
I walk up the stairs. He sees me and starts yelling at me, "Dude, ya gotta come this weekend. This club is so amazing and it's closing. Ya gotta come. You like to DJ, right?" I'm, like, "Well, I'm just a bedroommmmm..." He grabs my hand and starts pulling me down the hall into his apartment. Okie dokie.
He asks what type of music I like to hear at the clubs. He says, "You like house, right?" "Yeah," I say. "You gotta come, ya gotta come." I said, "We are planning on stopping by your place Saturday night." "Ya gotta come out to the club too, ya got to." I'm thinking, um, no I really don't. He starts hitting me on the shoulder. "Dude, c'mon, c'mon. I'll get you in free." I hate when guys do that to me. I'm not your little brother. Do not hit me like I am your little brother. It's a pet peeve. If you do it again, I'm gonna tell your wife you gave me a rim job. He grabs me by my shoulders, starts shaking me, looks me in the eyes and says, "You're coming!" Stop shaking me, I am not salt nor pepper. If I were a baby, I would be dead.
He puts on some house music and tells me how awesome it is and that I HAVE to be there. Why doesn't Rob HAVE to be there? I appreciate the music. So does Rob. I have TONS of house records so I understand all of it, but I don't NEED to go to this place. I really don't. I told him I'm sure the club is nice, but we really don't go out to clubs much anymore. I also said we've never been to that club, so a crowded closing party for its regulars is not a place I want to be. He starts hitting me on the shoulders again. "You're coming! If you go, I'll buy you a trip to Cancun." I was getting scared. We know each other but we don't KNOW each other. Please get me out of here. Plus, um, didn't Hurricane Wilma pay a visit to that place? Can you make another offer?
I said, "Well, we'll see," and left down the hallway. Another, "You're comin!" Doubt it.
Next day. We kinda had plans to go out with Hot Joe that night (after we stopped by our neighbors, of course). It got later in the evening and the weather sucked, so we decided to stay in and watch a movie instead. I informed HJ that we had to stop by this party but he was welcome to just chill out with us if he wanted. He comes over.
The party was from 8-10pm so we decided to go at about 9:50. We walk down the hall and open the door. Smoke begins to seep into the hallway. When did Robert Downey Jr. move in?
We walk in and, of course, did not recognize anyone except a cat we sometimes baby-sit (or is it cat-sit). It was walking on the table with all the food. My neighbor sees us and starts yelling, "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey!" Everyone turns and looks. He gives us huge hugs and instructs his wife to introduce us to all the people in the living room who look really uninterested in meeting anyone at the moment. I tell his wife it is really not necessary (since everyone was already deep in conversation). She agrees.
My neighbor starts yelling and pointing at me to his friends, "That's the guy I was telling you about! That's him!" Huh? What could you possibly be telling them? I mean, we've never even hung out or really talked all that much. Anyway, I smiled and said, "Hi."
Joe and I scurried off into the kitchen to look for a beverage. There was another cat on top of the fridge. Here, kitty kitty. There were bottles of beer but we also saw cans. We used the cans deliberately. If there were any two people who would not be allowed in the club, it was us. We were both wearing t-shirts and jeans. We looked like we were from "King of the Hill." This was a deliberate move. The club is casual but most people dress up. I wanted to fit the part of someone who would not be going, so as not to disappoint him too much when we broke the news.
"This is gonna be so much fun, man." "Yeah, I'll bet it is. We just wanted to stop by for a bit and say hi." "Dude, you're coming." "I can't. I'm not dressed right." "You look fine, plus you're gay. They love that." If this were being filmed, this is the point I would look at the camera. "Don't let me down. You gotta be there. Hey, man, I'll even go to a gay club with you, but I'm not takin' off my shirt! My belly is too big." He lifts up his shirt to demonstrate. Ew. I don't need to know your business. He then disappeared for a moment.
We did meet several lovely people there. Gay and straight. Lots of DJ's. I spoke to his beautiful wife briefly. She mentioned that her husband really wants me to go and then mentioned the "Cancun trip if I go" offer. Again, I would look at the camera.
After chatting it up with a bunch of his cool friends and wife, I was itchin' to go home. I had one beer and that was enough.
We said goodbye to everyone, but I didn't see my neighbor. Perfect. Let's go. No drama. We start to walk down the hall. Then. He appears. "Don't let me down, dude." "I'm sorry; we'll just feel like we're intruding." He looks at ALL of us and says, "I'm really disappointed. You guys should be there." Good, I think, at least I don't get all the blame. Then. He puts his hand on my chest, pushes me against the wall and says, "But I'm REALLY disappointed at YOU." Um, security. Again, I am not your little brother. Stop touching me!
He made some more offers to try to get us to go (which were rather intriguing), but we wouldn't budge. We went back to our quiet, smoke-free, serene place. We chilled out, watched a crappy horror movie remake and had a productive Sunday.
I'm not sure I would classify it as a man crush. Maybe he was just really excited (or, um, something). But, then again, what do I know.
Posted by durban bud at October 24, 2005 10:35 AM
Comments
Was he the one who stole my Adderall and then took the whole bottle?! LOL :-P
Cancun is nice actually (in the off-season, if it's cheap and if you want to do nothing but stare at the water) but definitely not worth a trip to Red. Cancun is the place you go when there is some wildly cheap package deal for a long weekend and you just can't bear to be in the cold anymore - you don't exactly go for the "culture" (though you can go to Mayan ruins which is pretty neat).
I just walked 2 miles in the icy cold rain after a long and irritating day - Cancun sounds pretty good right now! (minus your neighbor!)
Posted by: TOS at October 24, 2005 07:18 PM
TJ - that is very odd. Sounds like something that would happen to me! I'm scared for you........ xo
Posted by: Mumping at October 24, 2005 08:02 PM
Did Dbud mention they are from Bryce, VA originally? Be on the lookout you may be next :-P
Posted by: TOS at October 24, 2005 10:23 PM
It is a man crush.
Posted by: rob at October 25, 2005 11:41 AM
hmmm . . . this is a tough one. he could have perhaps caught on a bit late (like three years) to the 'metrosexual' craze and simply be trying to catch up and show his hip friends how hip he is via his 'tight' relationship with his gay neighbor (but this would not explain his favoritism toward DurbanBud vs. Mrs. DurbanBud). Either way, tijjy is infamous for his stubborn streak and your new ManBoyfriend (the proper term was a ManCrush has blossomed into full-fledged platonic straight man - gay man affection) will need to learn more wily ways to get tj to join the party in the future.
Posted by: t.todd at October 25, 2005 02:35 PM
I dunno - maybe the dude is just looking to find some cool gay friends to show him the hip (and socially acceptable) gay life...
I seem to recall Dbud having a really hip friend (cute in his own way too)like that in the past. Great guy - very hip, totally down with the gays, respectful, he even went to the gay clubs he was so hip (even took his shirt off!) At the time he was living in VA or something and had a funny name that was short for his last name...
I wonder whatever happened to him... prolly married with a kid by now I would guess.
Posted by: TOS at October 25, 2005 03:02 PM
OMG, he had already talked to the wife about the three-way, and she had agreed!
Posted by: John at October 25, 2005 03:11 PM
He thinks you're woofy, but hasn't heard of the term "woofy" yet, so he just calls you "dude" instead.
Posted by: jimbo at October 25, 2005 04:51 PM
Sounds hot, when does the next apartment open up? I'm convinced that half the straight men are more than curious. And I gotta say that you know some interesting people TJ.
Posted by: John at October 26, 2005 07:47 AM
He's definitely straight. It was just the whole man-crush thing. It was amusing. Whatever. He has his wife. I'm sure things are peachy. He's a good guy.
Posted by: durban at October 26, 2005 07:19 PM
definitely sounds like a man crush. definitely.
Posted by: myke at October 27, 2005 02:47 PM
i've had limited sightings.... but i agree with Rob.
Posted by: mtg at November 25, 2005 09:30 AM
buddy, i am happy to say that guy no more interested in you than i am interested in club music. lol hell you should have went and you could have gotten a free vacation out of the deal. hell if you didn't want to go you could have given it to me.
Posted by: robert at February 12, 2006 12:55 PM