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December 31, 2005
Cheese & Whine
What the hell happened to this year? Seems like it was just the other day that I was on the boardwalk in Rehoboth on the 4th of July while Donn was calling drunk people "trash" as they walked by and now the year is, like, over.
It's been one hell of a year. Most of it has been amazing. The Mediterranean cruise was definitely the highlight. Man, that was so much fun. I wish you could have been there.
We also met a shitload of people this year and made many new friends; we reconnected with previous acquaintances and became even closer with them; we still have our core group of friends who are always there for us and who we deeply love; and we probably lost a couple of other friends. Such is the circle of life. Right, Elton?
Our trips to Rehoboth Beach definitely helped in the new friend department. We had so much fun going there this summer. A big thank you to Uncle Ira for his overwhelming hospitality. I love this man and I love that he has such a sense of humor about the hyperbole I spew about him on my blog.
This whole blog thing also began for me this year. Again, I've met so many cool people because of it. It's such an odd thing. I write silly shit or personal shit and people read it. Am I a narcissist? I don't know. Maybe. But I do enjoy it. It's helped reignite some creative spark that has definitely been lacking for the past few years. And the funny thing is, I really don't like to write that much. But I'm learning to appreciate it more. Usually if I feel pressured to write something, it's a piece of crap. I've written a lot of stuff but never published it simply because I don't want to waste your time.
It's also helped me keep in contact with people I probably wouldn't as much if we didn't have this means of communication. I have now become closer to people who have moved far away than I did when they lived a block from me. It's all very strange.
The majority of people who read my blog, I don't know personally. I wish I did. A lot of "the regulars" are not from this area. For some reason, most are from California, Washington, New York, Wisconsin, Massachusetts, Canada and, um, France (Bonjour tous vous hommes français chauds). I just want to say thank you to everyone who bothers to visit. I do accept checks and money orders. And thank you to those who have written me some of the nicest emails.
I've only had a couple complaints from people who did not like their names being used in stories that they felt made them look less than lovely. Fuck you, Ann Curry! I respect that. In one instance, I changed the person's name; in the other, I completely deleted the person from the story. I'm trying to be more careful about that. I usually will not use someone's name if it is unique (i.e. Moesha Conchita Alonso) unless I know they would not get upset. If their name is more common (i.e. Rob or Joe or Bob or Terry), then it is less likely that anyone knows you without using your last name (considering I don't even know most of the people reading this). Do remember though, that if I write about you it probably means that I like you (unless you are Mango).
Some of my friends have had funnier things happen to them than some of my "newer" friends; therefore, they get the brunt of the funny stories. I get a lot of "well you never tell embarrassing stories about certain people." I can assure you, if something funny or interesting happens that is worthwhile to write about, I will. And I, obviously, have included my own humiliating stories. My goal is not to embarrass people though; it is to just write about humorous things (and some very serious things that happen in my life). Like I said on my profile, my friends are all so unique they could each have their own sitcom. However, I do understand that some people are sensitive about it and I will respect that. In fact, I edited myself the other day by deleting a recent post I thought was a bit much. It involved Little House on the Prairie, Lucille Ball and a wiener dog. It was kinda funny but I still want to take this person's class and that would be hard if they were pissy with me. Plus, it would kill my chances at getting laid with him. Kidding! Bottom line though, this is my own goofy online journal; it is not the Washington Post.
I do have to say that it was funny at our anniversary party when people were being introduced through their blog nicknames. "This is my friend Deb" and then she would add, "Hi, I'm the Swan from his blog. Nice to meet you." Then, the person would say, "Oh, that was you." This happened a number of times with Manhattan Furball, the infamous Hot-Tubbers, Man Crush (of course, he had no idea what we were talking about) Poughkeepsie Girl, Tos and, of course, Suitcase Sally. This whole thing made me giggle.
So our trip and friends (new and old) were the definite highlights of the year. Things did take a nosedive when we returned from our trip. Reality set in. Rob removed himself from an unhealthy work situation and is trying to find something he truly enjoys doing. Working for corporate America or even non-profits ain't all it's cracked up to be. Of course, while he is going through all of this, I am having my own mid-life crisis regarding my job situation. Perfect timing! I realize I am completely burnt out from what I am doing. It's my fault completely as I let things get to a certain point with my business partner that were completely unacceptable. Can I say "completely" one more time? I knew I had to put in place some steps on "divorcing" my business partner after almost 6 years. So during this period, Rob and I were not exactly the most supportive of each other. It's easy when it's just one of us going though a rough patch; when it's both of us, please call 911 and drop off a bottle of Xanax. Vinnie Vodka became my bed buddy a few times in October. I just wanted to sleep all the drama away. I suck at drama. I hate it. Not exactly the healthiest or mature way to resolve the situation I realize.
Anyway, I finally got my shit together and just dealt with the dilemma head on. I am just ready for the next chapter of my job to begin. I know Rob is too. Send me an email if you have a couple hundred thousand to spare. That would really help. I'll even throw in a blow job for you cuz I'm just that slutty. Thanks.
So I am looking forward to 2006. I'm looking for a fresh start. I hope to be able to spend more time with a lot of the quality people we met this year, as well as those who have always been in our close circle of friends (<-- cue Edie Brickell there). I also hope to get back into things that inspire and challenge me and that I truly enjoy (music, video production, editing, etc). I drifted away from that a few years ago. Must learn new software toys. It's a major goal for me in 2006. No excuses.
Have a positive New Year everyone!!!! Also, have lots of hot sex in the new year! It's a healthy tension reliever.
2006 is already looking like it's gonna be a killer year for music! Woo-hoo!
Posted by durban bud at 05:43 AM | Comments (2)
December 29, 2005
Happy Honika!
Is there anything this guy can't do?
Sometimes I wish I were Jewish. My sister married a Jew and now has 3 beautiful kids. The majority of my friends are Jewish. The majority of my clients are Jewish. And whenever I go out to clubs (which is so freakin' rare), I seem to attract a gaggle of gay Jews. I don't know why. It just happens. I'm like fly paper or, more appropriately, Jew paper. And I love them (or, at least, most of them).
I haven't bowled in years. And it was apparent last night at the new downtown bowling alley in DC. I have to say...it was very fun (except for the fact that everyone can read the large monitor and see how many shitty pins I missed). I still had a great time. Even if a couple of my bowling buddies showed me up (especially BM... show off). Joe was in attendance, Ricardo Montalban with Tattoo Ira, the infamous Tos, BM, and my better half, Rob. In defense of Ira, he bowled a couple great games and only asked Tattoo for help once (and then Ira said this again). Joe brought his own bowling ball AND shoes. "I'll take 'Big Flaming Homosexuals' for $600, Alex."
I heard "The Safety Dance" and Quiet Riot's version of "Cum On Feel the Noize" as I was bowling. It totally got me into the mood. Or it completely fucked my game up. I came in close to last. Whatever, it's all about being with your friends and having a good time, right? I plan on beating HJ and BM at something this New Year's Eve...and trust me, I will beat them. Trust.
Happy Harmonika, my lovely Jewish friends. I noticed the presents have stopped coming. Please remember you still have 3 more days of gifts to give. Shalom.
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Posted by durban bud at 10:33 PM | Comments (3)
December 26, 2005
The Assistant
Praise Jesus, X-mas is over and we are back home. This is what I did while I was away: I ate, I ate again, I ate some more, I used my laptop, I ate, I checked my email, I opened presents and ate some more. Oh yeah, I also saw the latest and very impressive Harry Potter movie (even if my ADD prevented me from really understanding the whole story).
Luckily, Rob's parents are not drinkers so I probably saved about 3,000 calories (although that's irrelevant since there were munchies always lying around the house). I am no longer Durban Bud; I am Durban Blob.
Rob's brother and his wife have an adorable baby that I met for the first time. I'm not really into kids but this baby is so cute and good natured it's hard not to smile when you see her. She doesn't walk yet and rarely crawls; instead, she scoots along the floor on her butt. And she does it really fast. In fact, there appears to be a certain talent and skill to it. Some might consider her a power bottom (only in the most innocent of context, please). Rob's sister-in-law introduces me to their baby as Uncle TJ. My own sister does the same thing to her kids with Rob; he's always referred to as Uncle Rob. I think this is sweet to teach them at an early age.
This reminded me of the last time my sister's family were in town to visit us. My nephew was 7 at the time and my niece was 4. I decided to take them to the National Zoo. What a joke. The zoo sucks here. The big attraction is the panda bear. Well, the panda bear decided to hide the entire time. Actually, most of the animals hid the whole time. You know it's bad when a 7 year old boy says after 20 minutes of being at a zoo, "Can we go now?"
Anyway, my sister told me that on their drive back home, my niece said out loud in the car, "Mommy got to visit with her brothers." My nephew immediately corrected her, "No, silly. Uncle Rob is not Uncle TJ's brother; he's his assistant."
I like that.
Posted by durban bud at 08:36 PM | Comments (5)
December 22, 2005
The 3-Day Rule
I developed a 3-Day Rule for visiting family about 10 years ago. I believe this rule has kept me close to my own family throughout the years. I love them very much. We have a wonderful relationship. Three days together provides enough quality time, yet does not overdo it, so we get on each other's nerves. It seems to benefit everyone. It makes us appreciate the short amount of time we do spend together.
Before my 3-Day Rule, I noticed bickering and/or boredom would usually set in by the end of the third day. By day 4, my mom would start planning viewing sessions for her friends or other family members to see me. I felt like an animal at a zoo, a very angry animal with dementia and OCD.
The 3-Day Rule also makes life a lot easier on your spouse/partner/wife/whatever (should this apply to you). Usually by the third day, they are bored and cranky (and horny). This is completely understandable no matter how cool the in-laws are. Plus, after 3 days of living in the straight world, we are ready to go back to our big gay world. (If you are straight, imagine spending more than 3 days with all gay people and you should get the picture).
Anyway, Rob booked a 5-day trip to visit his family without consulting me. He has a great family. They are lovely and friendly and gracious. But, obviously, he broke the 3-Day Rule. There will be consequences for breaking this rule. I have decided to reinact the first sex scene from Brokeback Mountain as payback. Only I won't be using as much spit as Heath used. And Rob won't be able to ride that cute little pony he asked his parents to get him for Christmas for quite a few days. Merry Christmas!
I'm sure we will have a swell time regardless but this rule must never be broken again. Apply it to your own mandatory family visits and see if it works for you. I bet it will. That is your Dr. Durban tip for the day. You're welcome.
Posted by durban bud at 03:03 PM | Comments (3)
December 18, 2005
My Own Private Wyoming
Last night we went to see Brokeback Mountain. I thoroughly enjoyed it. A good movie to me is something that makes you actually think and usually stays with you well after the movie is over. This was/is definitely one of them. In fact, I found it disturbing and emotional on many levels. It had some elements that were reminiscent to me of "My Own Private Idaho," only much more intense.
If you have not seen the movie, avoid reading the rest cuz I will ruin it for you.
Most of those that did not like the film did not like it for one of the following reasons:
1). It is too slow-paced and there is no Hollywood ending
2). It's not "Too Wong Foo" with Cowboys
3). Nathan Lane did not provide catty voice-overs for any of the sheep
4). It was too depressing
5). The book was better
6). Mariah Carey didn't sing "Hero" over the end credits
7). It wasn't emotional enough
8). Movies with gay themes MUST have gay actors in them
9). Self-loathing
I think this film can have an impact on anyone but I especially believe that to be true of people that have grown up in small towns or witnessed these types of places on a regular basis.
My parents are from a place very similar to where Ennis (Heath Ledger) grew up. We would visit every year. There were windy roads and hills and trailers and "hollers" and no restaurants and lots of coal trucks and one A & P. The only thing to do is get married young and have babies and work hard labor (and/or be an alcoholic or have a heavy addiction to painkillers), rinse & repeat. They talk in an accent that is so southern it is almost unrecognizable.
I always imagined what my life would have been like if my parents did not choose to flee in the mid-60's. I believe I would have been a lot like Ennis. I would probably be married with kids in a pathetic relationship with an unsatisfied wife. God knows what kind of job I would have had down there. The majority work in the coal mines and, um, I just can't picture myself doing that. I could picture myself secretly getting away to meet some guy I actually liked spending time with. It would have been an awful existence. Yet, some people are forced to do it because they don't want to get killed or hurt. And I guarantee you, if I were raised there and "found out," one of those two things would have happened. Oh, and I probably wouldn't have a blog either. What a pity that would be.
I saw the movie with Rob, Joe, Ira (aka Suitcase Sally) and Randy (aka Manhattan Furball). Randy also knew people like those depicted in the film from his upbringing in Texas. I'm sure we all know people like this.
Heath Ledger was awesome (even if he did talk like Sling Blade). The scenes where he and Jack would fight and then kiss and cuddle were both devastating, brutal, tender and hot all at the same time.
There were several parts of the movie that I didn't understand and/or like though. For example:
* I think I know who is responsible for Jack's death but I did not understand his parents' reaction.
* Ennis's reaction towards Jack after 4 years of not seeing him seemed odd to me. I know he is a guy who keeps all his emotions inside but it did not feel right since, apparently, several of the intimate scenes between the two men on the mountain were not shown. This was evident in the flashback towards the end when Ennis puts his arms around Jack. Had they been shown, I think this may have "felt" more right. If he avoided him for 4 years, I think he also would have been much more careful trying to shelter his "greeting" of Jack from his wife.
* I wish they had shown more intimacy between the guys during their first duration on the mountain. They seemed to be always fighting or having rough sex.
* Why did they both punch each other (especially Jack since he seemed to be the more sensitive one)? He laid the first punch.
* Did they know each other were gay before they had sex? One of them made a comment that, "They don't like people like us." Was he referring to being gay?
* And lastly, and this needs to be said, it would take a lot more spit than what was used to have butt sex. If that is really all they used, Jack wouldn't have been able to walk the next day and definitely wouldn't have been able to ride a horse. That's a fact. 'Mmm'kay?
* I love Jake Gyllenhaal as an actor. Seems like a great guy and he was brave to take on this role. But I have to say it. Unfortunately, I don't think his acting was very good in this film.
* Heath Ledger is hot. I never noticed this before. Michelle Williams is a lucky girl. She was also fantastic in her role.
I definitely want to get the DVD and watch it with a group of people so we can debate some of these aspects together. Some of these things may have been obvious to others but I'm a little slower than most.
Oh, and the author of the book loved the movie.
Again, I thought this was a great, thought-provoking film. And, yes, I shed a few tears.
Posted by durban bud at 10:32 AM | Comments (4)
December 16, 2005
I'm 50 years old! And I like to kick! Stretch! And kick!
If you see this man, please wish him a Happy Half Century.
Posted by durban bud at 04:00 PM | Comments (3)
December 14, 2005
Ambien CR
* I really need some of that. I've been sleeping like crap. Perhaps I'll ask my therapist for some (or, perhaps, a cute doctor who likes my blog will send me some free samples. Thanks). I really should have gone into pharmacology. I seem to know more about drugs than he does. I'm serious.
My pharmacy has moved. This sux cuz it was so close before. Now I have to walk, like, far. The worst thing is they have moved next door to a popular gay bath house. Yeah, um, if you see me walking in that direction, I am going to the pharmacy, got it?
I walk into my pharmacy. A pleasant man asks, "Can I help you?" I say, "Hi. I need to pick up a prescription. My last name is...." Before I start saying my name, he has scurried off to find my prescription. I'm sorry, have we been introduced before? That's sad. I'm the "Norm" of my pharmacy. This can't be good.
I used to live in a building called the Wardman. Such a fun time. It was like living in "Tales of the City" or "Melrose Place." We all knew each other. I really miss it. But it's no longer like that. Most of the originals have moved on but we're all still in contact and good friends.
Anyway, we did have a Mrs. Madgrigal type figure in the building. He was such a character. Anytime I had trouble sleeping, Mrs. Magrigal would say, "Honey, just come on up here and let me get ya something to make you sleep through the night." So I would. And I would sleep like a baby. I miss those days. And Mrs. Madgrigal.
* The movie is called "Brokeback Mountain," not "Bareback Mountain." Calling it "Bareback Mountain" was funny in November. It's December.
* I hate when people tell me that I look like someone. If I don't know the person that I "look like," I, instinctively, ask if I can see what the other person looks like. This is always a mistake. My good friend, Joe, told me I looked like some guy from bigmuscle.com. Of course, this intrigued me because the majority of men on that site are HOT. So Joe shows me who I supposedly look like. I look at the photo, then I look at Joe and say, "Joe, I don't have Down's Syndrome. Do I look like I have Down's Syndrome? Oh my God." He says no. I don't believe him. "Well, according to this picture, if I don't look like I have Down's, I certainly look like I could work at Melwood." Not that there is anything wrong with it, just not my type.
Moral of the story: Never ask for proof.
Posted by durban bud at 01:06 PM | Comments (7)
December 11, 2005
Parakeet
When I was a wee young lad, my parents got me a pet. It was a parakeet. We named it Tweety Piccolo. It was really dumb. Anyway, Mariah Carey squawks like a parakeet. She reminds me of my little Tweety.
Ms. Carey (or, I'm sorry, "Mimi") was just nominated for eight Grammys. Huh? This is what's wrong with music these days. Her song, "We Belong Together," was nominated for Record of the Year AND Song of the Year. I don't know this song. Do you? All of her songs sound the same to me. They are all basically 4 minute breathalyzer exams put to music. Who voted for this crap?
If you like Mariah Carey, then you are most likely a 13-year-old gay boy or a heavy-set 16 year-old Hispanic girl. You know it's true. I don't know any other people that like her music as much as the young 'mo's and Latinas do. Luckily, we all eventually grow up.
I can appreciate how she made it "Through the Rain" and basically gave a big fuck you to the record company that bought her out of her contract. That's pretty funny. They pay her millions of dollars to get rid of her and she turns around, starts her own label and sells a bazillion copies of her latest cd. Good for her. But her music still sucks and is certainly not award worthy.
And why does she always have to act so slutty? I mean, it's cool she's all comfortable with her sexuality and whatnot but how 'bout some diversity. Do we really need to see her camel toe in every video? Even Madonna mixes it up and puts some pants on from time to time.
Fiona Apple got a nomination so maybe there is some hope.
On a separate note, I just saw Shakira on SNL. She's hot. If I were straight, she and I would have a conversation.
Posted by durban bud at 10:28 AM | Comments (4)
December 06, 2005
Manhunt
I'm in NYC for a couple days on business. It's fucking freezing here. When I get back to DC, I am barracading myself in my nice warm room until spring. I met with about 20 different people who all love to hear themselves talk. I could have done all of this over the phone. Seriously.
Anyway, we met up with our friends, Robert and Dan. We briefly went to a place called "Therapy" but since they were not serving any Paxil, we left. We had a nice meal at "The Eatery." And then walked 43 blocks in the blustery wind. Love it!
Whenever Robert is around he seems to be on all these gay chat rooms. I briefly tried to use his laptop to check my email and all these windows popped-up with names like "hotdaddynyc" or "pigdaddy47" or "stickapieceoffurnitureinmyass19." He stayed at our place in DC about a month ago and met up with one of my neighbors across the street. This whole thing happened in about 10 minutes. He was using my laptop to make this sexual transaction (which I did not authorize, by the way). I have now learned the majority of guys in my neighborhood are horndogs and, yes, I've even seen some of their "locked" pictures. Y'all are naughty. Just be good.
This whole chat room, manhunt thing is such a new phenomenom to me. I was never able to experience these type of meet ups during my single years. It seems like everyone I know has a profile on it (even some that are in a relationship). I wonder if I were single if I would be on there. I kinda doubt it. I'm too shy.
Posted by durban bud at 10:44 PM | Comments (7)