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January 24, 2006
Baseball Caps
So last night I went to dinner with Joe to discuss life, drama, why January seems to be the worst month of the year, and the pros and cons of the latest Raging Stallion video. We walked down U Street to find a decent place to eat and shoot the shit. We decided on a restaurant in the "new, cool, U Street corridor" called Creme or, as I now like to refer to it, Suck My Balls Diner. There was hardly anyone in the restaurant at the time we walked by it so we thought it would be perfect. Joe had been there before and said it was good.
We walk in. The staff is friendly and seats us at a lovely small table. I was dressed in jeans with a long sleeve shirt and a T-shirt over top of it and, of course, a baseball cap. It's cold in DC now (obviously) so I usually wear a skull cap to cover my sensitive, li'l ears. Because of this, my hair was a disaster so a baseball cap was definitely in order after I took off my winter cap when we arrived in the door. Joe is also dressed in jeans and a button up shirt. He also wore a skull cap until the hostess offered to seat us. He had no baseball cap because, well, he has no need for one.
The waiter immediately comes over cuz no one else is there yet, introduces himself and takes our drink orders. Later, we order a couple appetizers and sit there for awhile and talk.
We get our appetizers and order entrees. The small place starts filling up with a few more people. As we are enjoying our appetizers, a petite young woman approaches me.
"Hi," she says. "Can you please remove your cap?" Excuse me? "Are you serious?" I asked, completely taken off guard. "Yes," she insists. What the fuck. Um, is someone about to sing the National Anthem or something, I thought. Or is Nelson Mandela on his way here to be honored this evening? "But I've been wearing a skull cap all day so my hair looks scary." "Sorry, sir." Yeah, me too, bitch.
I am humiliated. I felt like I was on the Waltons and Daddy just yelled at me for eating at the dinner table with a hat on while he was saying grace. Mostly, I felt like John Boy's mole, as if everyone were staring at it while pretending not to notice.
It's winter time and I need a haircut really bad. I don't have long hair at all. I mean, the hair I do have I usually keep very, very short but it's January and I've been lazy so it's kinda scraggly looking.
It wasn't so much the fact that I had stepped into a pretentious restaurant with a "no hats" rule (although a "dress code" was not listed anywhere); it was the fact that they did not tell me this when I got there. There were tons of staff members and virtually no patrons when we arrived and we had been there a good twenty minutes. Perhaps that would have been an ideal time to let me know that my baseball cap was a big no-no instead of waiting for us to order expensive food with several more people now at their tables. I guess my T-shirt and jeans (with a few holes in them) were just peachy though.
I comply with Nellie Oleson and remove my hat. I look worse than ever. Now, I look like the Unabomber dressed like a gay Kurt Cobain. I could have gone to the bathroom to "primp" but I was pretty pissed so if I scared a few people away, too bad. Plus, I'm just not that good at styling my hair. If I do it myself, I end up looking like Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley. I'm no meterosexual. (I also can't shave my head completely cuz I just don't make an attractive bald guy. Some guys can pull it off but not me. I shaved it off myself one day and scared everyone including the beagle we were taking care of at the time. He began to shiver uncontrollably when he saw me).
In defense of Creme, the food was good and the atmosphere was pleasant. However, the experience left a bad taste in my mouth (ba-da-boom). We ate really fast so Joe and I could get the hell out of there and go somewhere else that wasn't quite so judgmental about wearing hats in the fucking winter. We were still friendly with the staff (even Nellie Oleson) and tipped our waiter nicely.
I wear baseball caps a lot. I always have ever since I was a kid. It's second nature to me. Some of my friends get annoyed because they think I look better without them. Some also might say I wear them a lot to hide a receding hairline or balding or avoiding growing up. Maybe I am, subconsciously, but I do it cuz I always have and I like them. My dad does the same thing. He wears them all the time and he still has a good head of hair. In fact, he collects baseball caps (yeah, that's a bit more than I would do but whatever floats your boat) and he's, like, in his 60's.
Of course, I don't wear them all the time, especially at some formal business meetings, certain upscale events, or, of course, sex in a hot tub, etc. But if I am paying you for a meal (or Joe is), don't bug me with silly clothing requests when I have been there for awhile.
Some also might say that a guy in his mid-30's shouldn't be wearing them at all. Fuck that. I agree some things look silly on guys over 30 but, mentally, I am still only 24 so I will continue to do so if it makes me happy and I don't look or feel completely retarded.
I ain't gonna worry about it. I just won't go back there (except maybe in drag). Wouldn't that be funny? I guarantee you, I would make an ugly woman and be scarier than the Unabomber. THEN what would they say?
Posted by durban bud at January 24, 2006 01:11 PM
Comments
ARGH! I hate that. I've been asked a couple times to remove my hat and what insues is a long, drawn out drama that typically ends in a vicious display from me the customer and a beheaded manager.
I will say this, I was slapped by my mom on more than on occassion for wearing a hat at the dinner table. Bad manners as she would say and it's not something that you wear to dinner. Truth be told, I think that I did just to get her riled up.
Good food or not, a posted dress code (or in this case the lack thereof), a call to the manager to get clarfication on the "rule" would have been essential. Voice your opininon, let him know about the dress code, make sure he knows that you'll share your experience and then tell thousands of readers on your blog.
-Steve
P.S. Personally, I encourage the use of baseball caps, especially since I have a slight fetish for 'em.
Posted by: Steve in ORF at January 25, 2006 06:07 AM
That's exactly why I have a crewcut. If I take my hat off and my hair is noticeably messy, I know it's time to hit the barber. Plus it just feels good.
Posted by: Dumbek at January 25, 2006 07:28 AM
Well...traditionally, men are supposed to remove their hats when they enter a building. I generally love dress codes, as long as they don't apply to me. I would have felt annoyed and humiliated like you did.
I wear a baseball cap sometimes (and I think I am slightly older than you), but I keep my head shaved, so it's not a big deal to take it off. Although the only time I've been asked to remove it was in a church (not during a service).
I remember getting in trouble for my clothes several times when I lived in DC. That rarely happens in New York, where people can go to restaurants in bikini tops and shredded jeans, as long as they're "fashionable".
In any case, they should have said something earlier. I wouldn't go back there either.
Posted by: Eric at January 25, 2006 08:30 AM
I totally do not understand the take your hat off inside rule. Where did that come from? In fact, hats seem to have way too many rules attached to them.
I don't wear one, but the bf does. Whenever we go to his parent's place, his mom goes ballistic if he does not take it off as soon as he walks through the front door.
Seems to me that there must be some much more pressing issues that she could get all excited about.
Posted by: Bubala at January 25, 2006 09:59 AM
i liked the post a lot... i am now posting this bitchy comment:
I would call the manager and raise a stink just to make things difficult for THEM. You have a legitmate gripe and it is bs they didn't tell you when you got there, sat down etc.
Sorry in advance to any friendly hets reading this but in my experience this is typical with hetero places - all about the attitude. Hell we gays are "supposed" to be the trendy (and sometimes bitchy about it) fashionable people... ever see a dress code at Halo? Nope. Cobalt? Bar Rouge? Topaz? Nope. Even in New York I find the gay places to be welcoming and non-dress code.
The only gay place I know with a dress code is the Green Lantern on certain nights - and they discount if you are wearing a hat, chaps, jeans, boots, no shirt whatever.
The attitude has got to stop. Are "trendy" heteros that overly insecure that they need to over-regulate EVERY social custom and behavior and dress code too? Lest of course they feel less than trendy but people dressed normally.
"Hi - welcome to trendy America - we weren't popular in high school... so now you normal people are going to pay for it and do what we say - or else you won't get to eat our overpriced food served by rude waitstaff!"
I'm ashamed that we have a place like that in my hood...
durban bud responds:
not worth making that big a deal over it. i just had messy hair. and for the record (before you scare them all away), i like most heterosexuals. some are really cool and progressive. their sexual preference doesn't bother me. i'm open-minded (as long as they don't touch me, ya know).
Posted by: TOS at January 25, 2006 10:17 AM
awwww....I never thought I'd say this but I wish I hadn't read your blog today!! File under ignorance is bliss. I'm sad to hear they were such assholes to you. I've only been to Creme twice but loved the food each time. Now I can't help but be reminded of this next time I step in there...
I've never quite understood dress codes like that. Now I personally don't look good in a hat, but if I step into a "fancy" restaurant in jeans and a tee isn't that a reflection on me and not the restaurant?
Posted by: Mr. Bartender at January 25, 2006 12:02 PM
Maybe Creme is planning on becoming the Prime Time Cafe of U street...the last time I was asked to remove my hat was here...by "Mom"
Posted by: Herb at January 25, 2006 12:36 PM
ok.....so....i'm gonna be the unsupportive asshole here, right.
the last sentence stands out for me. you wrote a long blog....and then indicate that you are not going to worry about it.
it sounds to me...that they took away your right to decide for yourself about taking off the hat or keeping it on. Nobody likes being told what to do. I get that....honestly.
It also sounds to me as if you might have been thinking that the other people around you were actually paying attention to what your HAIR looked like? Come on, honey. Every single person who was already there, or walked into the building had similar thoughts to you......are people going to notice the thing(s) about me that I want to be or wished were different?
the sad part is that your experience might have taken away from a fun night with your friend....
xoxox
durban bud responds:
1. Do not speak to me like you are Jennie Garth reprimanding Tori Spelling in an episode from 90210.
2. I was embellishing slightly for a bit of comic relief. You should know that by now.
3. Joe and I had a great time the rest of the evening.
4. You are a crack whore.
xxoo
Posted by: pam at January 25, 2006 02:09 PM
Guys,
It really wasn't that big of a deal. It actually was kind of funny at my expense. I do tend to embellish (as, I hope, most of you realize by now). As I said, the staff was friendly (even the anti-hat woman), the food was good and the atmosphere was pleasant. We were also nice to them and the waiter was nicely tipped.
When we chose to have dinner there we did not think it was fancy or anything out of the ordinary. Joe had been there before and knew what it was like (or so he thought). It just looked quiet which is what we wanted. When they asked me to remove my hat after 20 minutes, that's when it became pretentious and blog material ;-) Trust me, we know most of the places in DC where one would need to dress up. This did not and still does not seem like one of them.
Blah.
Posted by: durban bud at January 25, 2006 02:19 PM
I would have finished my meal with my cap on. They let you in with it. :-/
I miss you guys! Caps are welcome at my place. :)
Posted by: Tom at January 26, 2006 11:58 AM
I would have NOT taken my baseball cap off. I too wear a cap a lot and do collect them. If it came down to me leaving or me wearing my cap....I would have found another place for dinner.
...and you can wear your cap in our hot tub if you want ;-)
Posted by: Dinger at January 26, 2006 03:42 PM
As a man who wears ball caps a lot as well, I understand your situation and I understand the manners things as well (thanks Mom). If they had waited until after I ordered to enforce this rule I would have politely asked Hot Joe if I could treat him to a meal some where that wasn't so prissy and gathered my stuff and left. There are other places I can spend my money.
Rule of thumb: Guys who wear ball caps and ripped jeans are better off finding a good diner rather than an upscale restaurant. PEACE*STEVE
Posted by: Steve at January 26, 2006 09:00 PM
TJ,
I too wear hats frequently and I am indeed older than you and my head is not shaved. You are right a hot tub is not the right place for a lid. Like you, I would not have made a scene, but a diner is still a diner and if a hat is not welcome at a diner, then we're just stuck to wearing it to fast food places. Maybe the problem was with the host who thought she was working at some fancy place. I was all decked out in Nasty Pig garb when Ira, Rob, Tim and I myself ate at Mercado. Maybe Ira was the shield there, but whatever. Hats off to you!!!
Donn
Posted by: Donn at February 1, 2006 03:29 PM
I've never had that happen, and I wear baseball caps all the time. One time a waitress did insult me by saying that the hat I was wearing was tiny on my big head. Since then I got a big hat to fit my big head and no insults form waitresses thus far.
Posted by: Steven at February 26, 2006 11:28 PM
there's NO WAY on earth I'd have removed my cap.
I went to a local pub the other night, in my cap, when a doorman refused me entry because I had a cap on... then promptly allowed TWO girls in - wearing caps.
To ask someone to remove their cap is rude and unnecessary and I would NEVER frequent the place again if asked to remove mine.
What if you'd been receiving chemo or something like that and were ashamed of your bald head?
It's 2006...and how dare outdated dress codes still be enforced.
The basic rule of socialising is this, though - ANY place with a dress code is a place to avoid like the plague - they're usually full of naff office workersd in slip-on shoes and pressed trousers. Nasty.
Posted by: russt at September 29, 2006 02:49 PM