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January 11, 2006
Turleen
I got my mom the Trailer Trash Turleen doll for X-mas. They were spending the holidays with my sister and family in Colorado, so I thought I would give her one little gift to open while she was there, so she wouldn't have to pack and cart back other presents I would have sent. I chose to send her Turleen.
I called my sister's place X-mas morning to wish them all a happy and joyous Pagan celebration.
After my sister gave me a lecture about making fun of white trash, my mom got on the phone and told me she had opened the gift. She then mumbled (so the kids couldn't hear) just what the hell it was. I told her it was doll. She said, "I know that, but I cannot play this in front of the kids." I'm like, "First off, lose the muffled voice; we're not discussing money laundering. Secondly, she is not the Bride of Chucky; Turleen doesn't say anything nasty, really. I'm thinking, just wait until my oldest nephew opens his Eminem's greatest hits CD. I told her to go to the bathroom and listen to what Turleen has to say if you have to be so secretive. Pretend you're doing a bump, Mom.
Of course, my mom loved it. It was a great conversation piece as I knew it would be. Even Ms. "Making fun of Trashy People is Not Very Nice" invited some of her neighbors over to witness the beauty of the trailer trash doll.
Here's the best part: I knew my mom would have to pack Turleen for the trip home. Well, every which way she would pack Turleen, the doll would start talking. She said she wouldn't shut up. She kept repeating, "Bubba Junior, get off your sister." She said it took almost a half an hour to get her in the proper position so she wouldn't speak.
As they were carrying the suitcase through the airport, my mom said Turleen would start speaking or laughing or burping while they were walking down the halls. Both of my parents were mortified. As soon as Turleen seemed to shut up, she would yell, "Pour me a double, I'm drinkin' for two." My parents (who are so conservative looking) sat in their seats waiting to board the plane while their suitcase continued to speak and burp occasionally.
Do something sweet for your family for a change. Whether it's their birthday or Flag Day, Turleen is the gift of a lifetime.
Posted by durban bud at January 11, 2006 12:24 PM
Comments
Thank goodness - I now know what to get my mom for her birthday next week. Of course she won't have to carry it through an airport (she refuses to fly), but I may still consider it. ;)
And FYI -- although I'm sure you already knew this despite your claim to ignorance -- Dolly actually sang about "Joleen" . . . they don't make a doll for her, but hey, having recently spent 8 years in central/rural VA, I'm pretty sure Joleen & Turleen are pretty much interchangable.
Posted by: stina at January 11, 2006 01:56 PM
Come now - you know Mr. Music himself (Dbud) knew exactly what the name of the song was but didn't want to admit that he knew it... ;-)
Now is there a redneck male version? A 70's jive version would be cool too... A gay one would be hysterical... "Fingers don't go there!" LOL
Posted by: TOS at January 11, 2006 09:12 PM
We lie to kids about Santa to build up their dreams and give them something to believe in. Then, when they are old enough, we tell them it was all a hoax and crush them. Thus getting them ready for the reality of life.
Posted by: Dinger at January 12, 2006 08:53 AM
Yay! I can't wait until Mom's birthday!
Posted by: Vig at January 12, 2006 12:48 PM
Thanks for making me laugh SO hard at work that everyone else had to come read over my shoulder about Turleen! :-)
Posted by: Guy at January 12, 2006 02:03 PM
I don't know if Turleen would be such a big hit at my next family reunion since she is sorta, kinda, um yeah, let me rephrase that... just like my little sister... Remember, I am living in Baltimore here... :')
Posted by: Bubala at January 12, 2006 04:24 PM