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March 29, 2006

Joy to the world

Editor’s note: I am filling in for TJ while he is at an undisclosed location without Dick Cheney. Full Disclosure: I am a terrible editor and speller.

"When is the last time you experienced joy?”

I was asked this by an acquaintance (ok my shrink) the other day. What a simple question but what a complicated answer. Or is it?

I am something of a nature freak. I love the outdoors, whether hiking, biking, rollerblading, landscaping, skinny dipping or just walking down the street. As long as I am outside the world tends to melt away and I’m in a state of bliss. I mention this because I really pondered this question of joy and I kept coming back to moments when I was outside. I realized joy for me is not necessarily the experience which is tangible rather it was often simply a small occurrence in my day which had I not bothered to observe, would have simply passed me by.

As you may suspect I have experienced a lot of psychobabble lately and being a thinker I have been thinking a lot and I mean a lot. When I recall experiencing joy, the moments that I remember are not long periods of time, or “significant” events they are all small instances of wonder.

Walking down the street with me can be trying. I am always looking around, observing architecture, trees, clouds, flowers and men (I am gay after all). Just a few weeks ago I saw a red hawk (the second time that week) in the heart of our very urban neighborhood. I stopped on the sidewalk and gazed up at him on his perch above a limestone gargoyle on a gothic church. People passed me, rushing toward there final destination oblivious to this creature above us. In this instant I was sharing a moment with this beautiful bird. He was gazing at me gazing at him.

Now I realize most people would not care about this but I just am amazed at the vitality of this bird here in an urban neighborhood adapting to our habitat. Hell it’s hard enough to live here as a man never mind a bird of pray. In this small instance I was not Rob who has had some really trying moments I was just another creature on this planet. What am I trying to say? I am not even sure (I told you I am thinker) I just know in that moment life did not seem like such an obstacle.

So think about it, “When was the last time you experienced joy?”

Posted by durban bud at 11:41 AM | Comments (6)

March 23, 2006

22 Minutes

Editor’s note: I am filling in for TJ while he is at an undisclosed location without Dick Cheney. Full Disclosure: I am a terrible editor and speller.

Have you ever wondered why it is a TV sitcom decides to tackle a tough issue? You know those episodes when they begin with the jokes but set up the fall near the mid point of the episode. The laugh track is silenced and in an instant it comes to a head. Strange how those issues of reality intrude on our 22 minutes of “must see TV.”

There was a time when I felt my life was like a sitcom it wrapped up nicely every day with very little drama. Inevitably like clock work it unfolded again each week as the next set of adventures presented itself. It even aired repeats. The cast was always our core group of friends and it centered on the friendships we shared. It was comfortable and familiar. It often felt like a gathering at the Central Perk or a night at the Regal Beagle. Admittedly there were even times when it felt like club Babylon. (Have you been to Pittsburg talk about fiction?)

Lately, life feels more like a bad after school special. Though I hope I dress better than any of those 80’s characters. This is not to say that the laugh track has been silenced. There have been many humorous times throughout the plot and genuine acts of compassion for which I am grateful.

I have to say though that I have never longed more for a commercial than I do now. I want to mindlessly channel surf, and eat popcorn. I enjoy sitcoms because they are so predictable and familiar. I wish life where like that. I guess like all things even a sitcom has a life span. Something always replaces them or a spin off is developed (I will not mention Joey as it sucks). I am hopeful it is time for a new script.

Posted by durban bud at 08:37 AM | Comments (5)

March 15, 2006

A New Day Has Come

Yeah, that makes me think of that Google Freak who typed in "Celion Dion's Camel Toe" too. Anyway, I'm off to the big "R" for a few weeks to cleanse my soul, body & mind. It's a big deal and probably the best decision I've ever made for myself. I'm anxious about heading into this unknown world but I know in the long run it will benefit me and everyone else in my life. I'm realistic that it will be hard at times and I know that it's a lifelong process but it is something I have to do and WANT to do. I'm gonna journal everyday so that should make for some interesting reading when I return.

I've been such a recluse lately so I look forward to spending quality times out with all my friends I've ignored the past few months. If anything, I've learned I need to reach out to my friends & family more instead of keeping all this stuff inside and letting it fester. Yeah, it's common sense but we don't all practice it. Blah.

Rob will be guest blogging from time to time here. Be nice to him. :)

I'll see you all real soon. Be good while I'm gone. xxoo

Posted by durban bud at 09:44 PM | Comments (7)

March 14, 2006

Google Freaks

I've posted keywords before that some people type into search engines that bring them to my site and it just always gets more bizarre. Some are hysterical and some are disturbing. Someone typed in "Celine Dion's camel toe" and arrived here. Ew. Pig.

Here are a few recent ones for your enjoyment:

* blouses doris roberts wears
* snapping gum manners
* tom cruise slapping matt lauer
* what does the cough cough mean in gay world
* does jake gyllenhaal admit to being jewish
* what fragrance does eddie cibrian where?
* water handstands
* space cakes sniffing dogs
* pictures of old kkk rallies (um, yikes!)
* do you mind if i smoke while you eat?
* fear of being held down
* remove your hat when you enter a building
* how do you cough up a fur ball
* plow that butt
* bud trimmers
* tongue wrestling
* fauxhawk mullet
* ann curry is terrible

What is a bud trimmer anyway? Is that a drug thing or a pubic thing? And what is this "cough cough" thing? I'm a homo and I have no idea. Please advise.

People are amusing. :)

Posted by durban bud at 08:11 PM | Comments (2)

March 09, 2006

Behind Brown Eyes

Hi Kids! Did you miss me??? Sorry for the lack of contact but these are some strange days. I'm back after a self-imposed break from the chaos that can sometimes be called DC. I just had to get away for awhile. I went to a place that some would call a rehab; I call it...my parents' house.

Now, before I get flamed by my friends in good ol' upstate New York for not contacting them while I was there, please understand this was a non-social visit entirely. (I will contact you all at a more appropriate time in the future). I just needed to reconnect with my parents and aunt and uncle whom I've selfishly ignored for the past 2 years.

My uncle is near death with every type of cancer. I grew up with this man. They live next door to my parents. He had no idea I was visiting. We surprised them the next evening I was home. My aunt told me (after I visited) that he was so excited to see me that he called a bunch of people to let them know who he just saw. I felt like Jesus or maybe the producers of that crappy Best Picture movie, Crash. Remember, people, it's the little things that matter, seriously.

My uncle can't walk without assistance. When my parents told him I was upset about some work stuff, he insisted that he visit with me. This was the first time he wanted to venture outside of his house since he became progressively worse with the cancer. But he was there. He was there. I'm upset about silly shit and this man is slowly dying and he wants to make sure I'm okay; kinda puts things in perspective. Before I left for DC, I kissed him on his head and told him I will see him in a month. I really hope I do.

My parents are so cute. They have been married for over 40 years now and still love each other immensely. My dad is retired but my mom still works. He gets up before her every morning and shovels the driveway (this is Rochester, NY after all) and makes her coffee. He drives her to work and picks her up. They still hold hands and kiss each other. It's sickeningly sweet. I plan to be just like them. Rob and I are still together after 10 years and I want to keep that tradition growing.

Sidenote: Quick facts about Rochester, NY

* It has some of the nicest houses ever built downtown. Home of the Eastman House (the Kodak guy)
* It is the third largest city in NY (smaller than Buffalo, bigger than Syracuse)
* It has the second largest gay population in the state (yes, all the boys from Buffalo and Syracuse and Ithaca come here if they want something a little more tasty) and it also has a really cool "gay" area downtown
* Kodak, Xerox, Wegmans (the coolest grocery store ever) and Bausch & Lomb are all based here
* Susan B Anthony lived here and is buried here
* Frederick Douglass lived and died here
* Durban Bud grew up here

After spending so much time with them, I realize how comical they are. They, like most of my friends, could have their own sitcom. I, too, could have my own sitcom. I would play the lead role, of course, as a primadonna 11-year old girl constantly drunk on wine coolers. Trust me, it would make great television. I would just need to lose the goatee to look natural.

My mom complained to my father during my visit that the toilet was too loose. My dad thought she was crazy. He and I both assumed she meant the toilet seat but she said it was the whole thing. They both then took turns sitting on the toilet and quickly getting off it to prove her point. My mom was unable to prove her point. However, I just wish there was a camera there. The whole event must have been seen to be understood.

If, for nothing else, this visit helped me and my dad get even closer. My mom and I have always been close. My dad and I have always been close but he never really "got me" before. My mom always put up with my odd sense of humor. This time my dad "got me" and, I believe, I got him. He's a really wonderful, loving human being. It's amazing what this man would do for me. I'm very lucky and you are too if you know him.

Anyway, people, I'm doin' okay. I'm gonna go away again for awhile and then I'll be back and we can finally all kiss and make up. Our birthdays (on Feb 23) sucked this year so when I get back, we better have a slammin' coming out/birthday/be happy/thankful cele-fuckin'-bration gathering and you all better be there. Seriously.

;-)

Posted by durban bud at 02:12 PM | Comments (3)