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May 02, 2006

Food Stamps

So here's the thing, somebody needs to create an ATM/credit card machine that lets you swipe your card the same way each time. I'm a fairly bright guy; not lately, but usually. Every time I try to use one of these machines it takes me a few minutes to get it to accept my card. I approach the machine. I see the little graphic of the proper swiping technique. I put my card up to the graphic just to be sure. I swipe. I hear the "Family Feud" red "X" sound and Richard Dawson saying, "Try again."

This always seems to happen at a busy store. I was at Safeway. I go to check out. I swipe my card. The cashier, Laquita (and that was her real name) says, "It did not go through. Try again." So I do. "You selected food stamps. Are you gonna use food stamps?" "Um, no."

My little error has created a major problem for her register. A woman behind me notices what I selected so she chimes in, "Don't be embarrassed; I had to use food stamps back in the day." "I'm not using food stamps," I giggle. To which she replies, "You say that in a condescending manner. You think there sumpin' wrong wit food stamps?" "No, there is nothing wrong with food stamps. I am just not using them for this transaction." "Oh, so you do use them sometimes?" "No, I have never used food stamps." She now asks her daughter for her opinion. "Tamika, do you think there is sumpin' wrong with using food stamps?" "No!" Tamika shouts. "I don't either, Tamika, but I am not using them." "Well, you may have to someday."

The mother chimes in again, "Brotha thinks there sumpin' wrong wit food stamps. Has a chip on his shoulder or sumpin'. All rich people do." "I am not rich. At all. If I do have to use food stamps, I will." "But you jus' said you will never use them." "I did not!" Security! Why am I having this conversation? Please stop talking to me. I take a deep breath and ignore her.

Laquita pages Kyle, the manager, for register assistance. Kyle skips on over. "He selected food stamps." "Are you using food stamps?" Kyle glares at me. A huge line has now formed in my lane. "No, I hit the wrong button." Kyle lets out a big sigh, stares at me for a few seconds and begins to hit numerous buttons on the register in a bitchy manner.

"Brotha hates po' people," the mom tells the manager. I accidentally start speaking like her, "I do not hate po' people." "You sho seem like you do. Ya seem a little racialist too." "Wha-wha-what?!? I am not racialist. At all. Why would you say that? Please stop talking to me." "See? You racialist. You too good to talk to me." How did this happen? I give up. I look around and notice several people giving me dirty looks.

Kyle corrects the situation and asks me to swipe my card again. "Better not select food stamps again," the angry mom mutters. I smile at her, pay and leave. I realize as I am leaving that they will now remember me as the "food stamps" guy. Or Mark Fuhrman. Or maybe a republican.

As I am walking home, a homeless man approaches me asking for change. I ignore him. That angry woman has now given me a complex. Maybe I do hate po' people.

Posted by durban bud at May 2, 2006 11:49 AM

Comments

Well I agree with you about the whole swipe diagram thing... MAYBE just maybe if the diagram drawing people could just agree on a way to draw it then it wouldn't be such a friggin debacle...

You don't hate po' people, you just hate ignant people who are trying to project their anger on anyone who looks like an "oppressor." That is a kindof of prejudice that is just as bad as any other kind...

Posted by: TOS at May 2, 2006 04:40 PM

So now that I know you have experience w/food stamps, you won't mind picking up milk and cheese on the WIC program for me will you? Love you TJ... you make me laugh!

Posted by: David at May 2, 2006 05:52 PM

Remember not to hit EBT in future... Good thing you didn't say "I fat fingered it", you know if she wasn't underfed.

Food stamps are a wonderful thing when you have no income. Loved 'em.

Posted by: Carl at May 2, 2006 11:55 PM

While I do not begrudge people to have food stamps, I hate being the guy behind them when they are using them. It takes forever (or at least it seems like forever) to check out. They also seem to have plenty of money to have a separate transaction for cig's and beer.

Posted by: Mark at May 3, 2006 11:23 AM

EBT is pretty fast, as long as it's just food stamps. If however, you don't have enough food stamps to cover it, and you have kids, you probably have TANF. Plus not everyone knows what you can and can't buy with food stamps. WIC is a seperate program so you have to pay for those purchases serperately.

Posted by: Carl at May 3, 2006 02:29 PM

I'm always stuck behind the lady with a WIC card and the new cashier who doesn't know what to do with it.

It's very simple: Milk = Yes. Pack of Newports = No.

I have to admit, I miss the wonder of government cheese I lived on growing up as a po' kid.

Posted by: anger hangover at May 3, 2006 10:23 PM

You mean orange colored plastic with cheese flavoring... my grandma always got that from the senior center even though she wouldn't eat it - we used to get it instead... though I will say, it makes the best mac and cheese :-)

Posted by: TOS at May 4, 2006 06:36 PM

A very polite "Shut the fuck up and mind you own damn business" would have been my approach. And yes, ALL swipe machines and ATM's should be universal.

So glad you're back!!!!

Posted by: Dinger at May 5, 2006 11:17 AM

get this ... i work in the county welfare office ... handing out food stamps, cash, etc. all day long to "po' people" who lie to me with a straight face. people with the pistachios to say to me that their baby daddy ain't in the house (when he's the one that answers the phone when i call to ask why they weren't able to provide verification of a certain expense they claim) or that they're starvin'- can't afford to buy food- do we count cable as an expense?- tell you what, i work there and don't have cable- i eat pasta with butter becuase i can't afford sauce. these people who are four times as wide as me (and holding a tim horton's coffee cup) make more money not working than i do working 3 jobs. some of them call 3 times a day to see how things are going with their case- bob barker in the background- most calls start at noon 'cuz that's when they're waking up- they want to know what's taking so long when they're reapplying because they forgot to send in their recertification papers. There are certification periods so that the worker can be updated to any changes in household composition, income, needs, etc. can you believe it- some of these people have nothing to do all day and still can't manage to recertify for their "handout".

Posted by: Evil SWE at June 23, 2006 10:51 PM

I started working as a cashier only 2 short months ago for a big named grocery store chain. I'm disgusted at all the misuse of the taxpayer's money. Every third person is on food stamps (literally). Most of them go hog wild and buy nothing but junk. You know that that stuff won't last a week when its suppose to last an entire month.
I've seen people purchase King Crab legs and tons of T-bone steaks. My husband and I both work and we can't afford to eat that kinda stuff! It makes me mad.
I see 3 generations of family members, (mother, daughter, and grandaughter)all have a food stamp card.
I see young mothers with 3 to 5 children and none of them look alike. Are we rewarding women to act like irresponsible ho's?
The grocery store chain has weekly select items that are buy 1 get 1 free if you have signed up for their card. I see people buy these items in conjunction with coupons. They walk away with 3 times more food for very little money on top of it all being paid for by; you guessed it, food stamps.
This system was orginally designed to give a tempoary "hand up" to certain poor individuals. Just to help them get back on their feet, so I thought. But people openly brag to me that they haven't had a job in years when they look to be in perfect good health.
I don't have a problem with all people on food stamps. Occasionally I see an elderly person or a person with an obvious disability. But those people are few and far between.
I believe that these people are "worthy" of government assistance.
But everyone else should stop sucking up all the government funds from the people that really need it. Be productive and show some purpose in life. Have pride in yourself and stop getting rewarded for being lazy. GET A JOB!! Sell your blood if you need the x-tra cash, at least its for a good purpose.
I did.

Posted by: madcashier at May 9, 2007 07:25 PM

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