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June 08, 2006
Meth Madness
I've learned not to judge anyone's experience with drugs with my own history. I remember sitting in group therapy listening to other's stories and thinking, wow, this person's life is far worse than mine could ever be. Many of their stories included childhood abuse by the hand of their parents, constant marital strife, or post traumatic stress disorder. I spoke up and said I felt bad divulging my own story because it didn't involve any of these events, and was kinda boring, for lack of a better word. I was told that everyone's experiences are all relative, and they are just as bad; they affect other people in your life, and it would, at some point, fester to the point of what these other people have been through if not treated. And I firmly believe that now.
It is interesting to note that I did not meet one meth addict while I was in the 'hab. Since returning home, I have met and made friends with several recovering crystal meth addicts. These guys have major stories, and they all seem and look so normal; you would never be able to tell the torment that drug has taken on their lives.
I am amazed that I never got addicted to the junk, considering my addictive personality. I definitely dabbled in it, mostly during my clubbing days. When I would start to grow tired on the dance floor, there was always someone there to offer me a "pick me up." I would do it, dance for a few more hours, go home, have hot sex, and then scrub the hell out of the bathroom floor. "Tina" was always a good cleaning mechanism. Sad but true.
I think the main reason I never succumbed to its alluring pull was the severe crash one would experience a couple days after doing it. It sinks you into a bottomless pit, in which you are this close to blowing your brains out. Sorry, but that's enough reason for me never wanting to do the shit on a regular basis. Ugh, those were some dark days.
Most of the tina addicts I've met have all used for sex purposes. The Internet, sex and meth all got meshed into their daily routines. Now that they are clean, it is hard for them to experience sex in a normal manner. They can't disassociate the drug from the sex.
The sex usually involved meeting guys online, so some of them can't even use their own computers anymore. It's so fucked up. I never knew of this extreme correlation, but it is very prevelent in my community I am now learning.
It also keeps you awake for days, when you begin to exhibit psychotic behavior; it rots out your teeth; you become paranoid and isolated; and it makes it difficult to communicate effectively with other people.
Many of these guys now speak like Captain Kirk. They. Don't. Make. They. Don't. I don't know. Make. A. Lot. Of. Sense. When. Trying. To. Speak.
It is also much easier to relapse from meth. People talk about having "using dreams." The smell of it, the taste of it, the feeling of it is still so readily "craved" by their senses, it's much more difficult to just walk away from.
I'm not preaching; do as you will. I'm just saying from my own experience and from my front row spectator seat at the addiction game, this shit will destroy many aspects of your life, if not your life.
Posted by durban bud at June 8, 2006 01:03 PM