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June 01, 2006
The Jalapeno Incident
* There can be problems with sharing an iTunes library of songs with another member of your household. And the problem goes somethin' like this: You update your iPod via the household computer. You go to the gym for a grueling cardio workout. You listen to all your favorite tunes on shuffle while running on treadmill. A song comes on you are not familiar with. An excruciating voice starts wailing the lyrics. You pull out your iPod to see what artist is making this noisy mess. You can't make out the name cuz sweat is dripping on screen. You attempt to wipe off screen while still running. You start to see the name. You let out a loud yelp as you read the word FANTASIA. You cringe. You scream. You start to wonder how the hell this artist made it onto your iPod. You try to skip to the next song but realize you have instead started the same song over again. You try to slow down your run so you do not make the same mistake again. Your iPod falls off the treadmill. You lose control. Your legs give out, Fantasia's voice has already made them wobbly. You slip. Your knee hits the treadmill track. A loud noise is created inside the gym. The track pulls you off the machine. You look to see if anyone notices. They do. You smile and remember that Chumbawamba song, "Tubthumping". You hum the lyrics, "I get knocked down, but I get up again, ain't nobody ever gonna keep me down." You grab your iPod, get back up and resume workout. You confront your partner when you get home about the song. You sleep in separate rooms that night.
* I noticed this very attractive guy the other day as I was crossing the street. He was a hot little muscle cub. We stared at each other but as he got closer, my enthusiasm plummeted. He was chomping a big wad of gum. Ewwwwww. That is such a big turn-off for me. If he were a cow, and he was chewing hay, I would be more understanding, but he is a human being (I think), and there is just no reason to chomp your cud like that. None. End of story.
* If you dice up a little jalapeno to add some flava to your lunch burrito, please make sure you wash your hands THOROUGHLY before attempting masturbation, even if the masturbation is going to occur about 3 hours later. Okay? I'm serious.
Lube + Jalapeno Juice = Crotch Hellfire.
And that's all I'm gonna say about that matter.
Posted by durban bud at June 1, 2006 11:38 AM
Comments
In a word... ouch
Posted by: TOS at June 1, 2006 05:04 PM
I have the same problem with my partner and syncing my Ipod. Except I get Olivia Newton John, the Rent soundtrack, and every other broadway show tunes.
Posted by: Sarah at June 2, 2006 10:42 AM
you're fucking hilarious. the end.
Posted by: pam at June 2, 2006 01:43 PM
You probably had crotch hellfire coming anyway.
Posted by: jimbo at June 2, 2006 03:05 PM
tough week!
207guy
Posted by: 207guy at June 2, 2006 08:42 PM
bitch, please . . .
Posted by: t.todd at June 3, 2006 03:35 PM