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June 23, 2006
Two Weeks
A friend of mine was found dead last week. He lived directly behind our place. He was an upbeat, friendly, fit guy in his early 40's who was obsessed with his work. We had him over a few times to watch movies, and he did the same with us; he would hold movie gatherings with a number of his friends.
We met him about 5 years ago on the dancefloor at Nation. We would have occasional lunches with him, and would always see him working out at the gym.
He was an immigrant from Vietnam. I know he had a tough childhood, escaping to the US when he was a child. He had a brother that lived close by, but I'm not sure where the rest of his family is.
I realize now that I really didn't know him well.
The cause of death is uncertain, but they do believe it was a suicide. One of our neighbors informed us about his death. He said he saw a number of police cars outside his home, so he inquired what was going on. Apparently, he had been dead for about two weeks before he was found.
I had lunch with him last summer to discuss doing some work for his company. He seemed to isolate after that, and I rarely saw him. I should have called.
He owned his entire row house. He rented out his basement unit, but the renter had moved out about a month ago.
The saddest part about his death is that no one seems to know anything. His friends appear to have all vanished, and not much is known about his family. We have no way to find out information. There is no obituary, no memorial service, and his body is still at the morgue.
The last time I saw him was about three weeks ago; he was working out front in his garden. We waved to him and continued walking. We should have stopped to talk, but were too selfish for idle chit-chat.
I would like to set up a memorial service, write an obituary or SOMETHING to let people know; he DID have friends.
His name was Quoc, and I will miss him.
Posted by durban bud at June 23, 2006 11:04 AM
Comments
Crimeny, you and I are having a great week, aren't we?
Posted by: jimbo at June 23, 2006 02:22 PM
I thought you and Jimbo were talking about the same person. Sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Sarah at June 23, 2006 09:30 PM
I was there when you met him on the dancefloor and I saw him a while back too but it was in passing and I didn't really recognize him. I feel bad b/c once I did see him I could have turned back and said hi but I walked on, figuring I'd see him again in the neighborhood. It makes me really sad to think that I took it for granted that I'd run into him again. Such a sad reminder that life is so fleeting.
I didn't know him as well as the boys but I do remember that at a time, he always seemed bright and cheery. He was talkative and very successful. I couldn't believe that he was like an Exec. VP at this huge IT company and dancing shirtless right next to us.
Maybe it would be nice to hold a little memorial in front of his garden? Just light some candles and remember him?
Posted by: TOS at June 23, 2006 11:58 PM
Wow. Such a thin veneer of normalcy that can so easily and so sadly be pulled back to reveal the harsh reality underneath. And no one wants to admit or acknowledge that it is there. that everyone carries their own fragile wounds. if only we did more often, even if only by stopping and talking and maybe just maybe admitting that everything is not always a-ok in our own life. we are all complicit in this cult of invulnerability. we don't have to be, though, really we don't.
anyway, wow. i remember quoc, too, from when i used to live around the corner and see him at the gym and at nation. and i saw him the same way you did - as a friendly, genuinely kind, low-key, generally positive person. he always seemed very thoughtful and unassuming.
very, very sad.
ps - tj, don't forget that you are doing much to shake that 'cult of invulnerability' we all buy so heavily into. and this is one of many ways that your blog and writing means so much - because you don't always slap on a shiny happy veneer on everything and instead have the integrity to share some tough things and times you have been through - reminding everyone else that they're not alone in expriencing life's inevitably harder moments.
Posted by: t.todd at June 24, 2006 03:39 PM
wow..what sad news. it's real , it's raw....and thank you for keeping it that way.
xoxoxo
Posted by: pam at June 26, 2006 01:33 PM