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July 22, 2006
Anna Goldstein
I've been having to work a lot this week, and it's really starting to piss me off, as it interferes with my afternoon naps.
In the meantime, this fucker was found climbing my walls. I had not invited it over. Please leave. I've named her Anna Goldstein. I was admiring her spiderman-like climbing skillz, as she walked on the ceiling, when she slipped and plummeted to the floor. Scared the shit out of me. I thought she might eat me, so I tried to kill Anna Goldstein with my birkenstock, but she got away. I could have searched for her, but I thought maybe it was a good idea having her around, so she could eat the other recently uninvited guests, the ants.
We finally called in the big guns to remedy the situation. I was sick and tired of them crawling on me while I was working. They've been a real problem this summer. I think one of them even hitched a ride with me to Safeway the other day. I deliberately didn't buy anything with sugar just to piss it off.
Anyway, the big guns are a very attractive, big muscled gay couple. The big guns have big guns. Ba-da-boom. They've been our bug killers for the past couple years, although they don't do anything for crabs; I've asked. Let's hope they fixed the situation until next year.
Last night, I volunteered my participation in a safe sex/drugs survey and interview for a local health clinic. I'm all about donating my time to help the children, plus they were giving me $75 and some pizza for spending two hours with them. Score!
I participated in this computer simulation of a conversation a gay guy might have with someone he's just about to bang. It was basically to try and teach people the correct way to go about discussing safe sex with someone you don't really know before actually hooking up.
It was easy, but when it was over I was interviewed by this guy to get my feedback on the simulation. The guy couldn't have been over 24 years old, and he was obviously straight. The short-sleeved button up dress shirt gave it away. So I'm talking about condoms and cum and butt sex with him. I thought I would be uncomfortable, but I think he was much more uncomfortable than I was. He appeared very nervous. I tried to put him at ease by over-emphasizing words like pounding, manhole, rimjob, squealing and Janice Dickinson.
Several times he would ask me the same question phrased differently; so to break up the monotony, I would blurt things out like, "I'm Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacCleod." Ya know, cuz I wanted to keep him at the top of his interviewing game. And I think I did.
When that was over, another man had entered my residence. It was another exterminator of sorts. He was there to repair all my computer issues. In between chastising me for having too much software, too many bugs and downloading too much porn on my system, he asked me an unusual question.
He asked why we gay people refer to ourselves as the "gay community." He said, "It sounds like a term created by politicians that generalizes who you all are. You and I probably have more in common than you and a black, 4-foot tall lesbian from Alaska, yet she's part of your 'community' and I am not. So what exactly is your community?" I'm like, "Um, uh, I guess people are part of our community if they share the gay experience." He's like, "Yeah, but everyone's experience is different, so what is this community? Is just being gay primarily who you are?" I'm like, "Uhhh, ummm, how's that computer coming along?" Luckily, Anna Goldstein made a return appearance, which caused him to scream uncontrollably, so our conversation came to a close.
I was actually impressed he had the balls to ask me some questions about the topic. He was a cool guy, and best of all, he fixed my laptop.
It's been an interesting week.
UPDATE: Anna Goldstein met her unfortunate demise this evening, courtesy of a Dell Computers catalog. We will all miss her tenacity and spirit. Godspeed, Anna.
Posted by durban bud at July 22, 2006 11:10 AM
Comments
I would have told the computer exterminator guy that the gay community is in some ways a virtual one in that it extends around the world joining people by what they had in common: their sexual orientation. Sometimes, I would have added, the community in question becomes more concrete because it also becomes a community in the usual sense: people who live in the same area (as is often the case in many cities as well as places like P'town, Fire Island, etc).
Posted by: zinc at July 22, 2006 12:17 PM
I've met that exterminator guy - HOT! That bug almost made me lose my breakfast, btw...
Posted by: matt at July 22, 2006 02:29 PM
Glad you are not attached to the bug like Clarice....
Posted by: TOS at July 23, 2006 11:32 AM
Ick. I hate that particular species of centipede. They are fast and just creepy-looking. If it's any consolation, they are predators and are going after other bugs.
Posted by: jimbo at July 23, 2006 04:38 PM