« Oh My God, Shoes | Main | Things You Don't Really Need to Know About Me »
July 07, 2006
How to Make a Straight Guy Squirm
I had a meeting last night with a couple straight guys. They are very affable, and I do not judge them by their lifestyle choice. I treat everyone equally.
One of the guys asked me, "So how is your, uh, your, um, your, you know, boyfriend? I don't know the correct term."
"I prefer butt buddy, thanks," I said, which was followed by some uncomfortable silence.
So what is the correct term?
Boyfriend applies to someone you have been dating for a relatively short period of time. After about a year or so, you need to refer to them with another term.
Life partner and Longtime Companion sound too clinical, or too forced.
Lover sounds too 1970's. If you use that term, you are probably over 50 and really gay.
Significant Other sounds like you're trying to hide something. Plus, it's pretty vague.
My Bitch or My Fudge are just kinda rude.
Husband or Fiance don't apply.
Special Friend makes us sound retarded.
I prefer the term partner, for now, even though it makes us seem like we're lawyers or something.
At the 'hab, Rob and I participated in a group counseling session with a number of other couples, all heterosexual. We were asked to stand up and introduce our mates.
I introduced Rob as my partner. One of the other participants later told me his wife thought it was very nice of me to bring my business partner to such an occasion. As if! He told her we were gay. She said, "No, they're business partners; he introduced him as his partner. They're not gay." She did not believe it until we were forced to sit in opposing chairs in front of the entire group, and talk about our "feelings" for one another. Ugh, talk about uncomfortable. That was just one of the more surreal experiences of my life.
The first couple that sat in the hot seats were a poster couple for toxicity and divorce. They yelled at each other the entire time, and claimed the only reason they had not divorced was because they're Catholic and have six children. Then the wife dropped the G-Bomb. "And HE has issues because one of our sons is GAY!" Oh shit. And we have to follow this? Calgon, take me away.
Anyway...
It's all relative. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter what we're called. But it does matter.
Posted by durban bud at July 7, 2006 08:21 AM
Comments
Yeah that's pretty surreal. but the terms we've been left with are pretty crappy. But I thought Butt Buddy was a casual thing, doesn't seem to confer the fact that you live with him. Maybe "full-time butt buddy"?
Posted by: Tim at July 7, 2006 10:49 AM
As a lesbian, I feel the exact same way. I wasn't comfortable with saying partner until about a few months ago. We're about to hit our 6 year anniversary and I guess it's about time. I have mostly introduced her as Jenny, basically leaving it up to the people I was introducing her to to figure it out on their own.
Posted by: Sarah at July 7, 2006 11:11 AM
We use partner too. But some of my other favorites are: Significant Tormentor and Fabulous Other. Usually it's the former.
Posted by: Vig at July 7, 2006 11:37 AM
Whew - how ironic and timely... The Boo and I were talking about this last night. For those who don't know me, he and I have dated for more than a year now. I'm meeting his parents at their house in Jersey this weekend for the first time. He will meet my Mom at the end of the month in Cape Cod.
I said to him last night "you told your Mom she doesn't need to use any special terms for me right?" He asked what I meant... I said "well definitely not lover, friend is ok (since they are still new to having an out son, same in my case), special friend is ehhhh" but I really don't know what I want to be called.
I use boyfriend. I'm most comfortable with that. While it is a rare thing, I gently disagree with Dbud. I think boyfriend is easier overall. I understand the "partner" designation, but even I was once naive enough to think that the other dude was a lawyer... (lol) I will probably use partner some day don't get me wrong. But it doesn't roll off the tongue for me...
Though to conclude my edition of War and Peace in this comment, I think I like TJ's niece's designation best (Boo in fact brought it up last night and reminded me...)
"Assistant" :-) (and for the record, that is one of my faves that should be added to the favorite columns selection)
Posted by: TOS at July 7, 2006 12:25 PM
And don't forget "roommate". I've been guilty of using "roommate"in the past, especially in awkward social situations.
"She's my umm roommate."
Posted by: anger hangover at July 7, 2006 07:23 PM
I use "friend" quite often, but if I know the person well, then it is always "husband" or "boyfriend." But, I might just start using "my bitch." I like that.
Posted by: Bubala at July 8, 2006 02:37 PM
Half of the people say it is semantics, the other half is fervent in picking an exact word. Partner is nice in its own way, but at the same time it's gender neutral, which irks me. Signifigant Other is so "1992, Clinton is gonna repeal the ban on gays in the military". Which is why, when I talk about people, if I don't know their preference, I say:boyfriend/partner/husband.
I prefer to stick with boyfriend. Not that I need it.
Posted by: Carl at July 8, 2006 04:24 PM