« Call Me When You're Sober | Main | Gayface »
September 18, 2006
Talk Sex With Durban Bud
I think I would be a better sexpert than Sue Johanson. She doesn't really know what the hell she is talking about sometimes. Don't get me wrong; she seems like a lovely woman to share a drumstick with at a Swiss Chalet, but sometimes I want to smack her with a vibrator.
Some guy called in last night and said he was having trouble reaching an orgasm while pummeling his girlfriend. She told him that maybe he is worried his penis isn't big enough which is causing him to not be able to finish. Huh? I was like, c'mon Sue, ask him if he has other stressors in his life right now, or if he's on some kind of medication that could be causing this. But she didn't ask that. Those seem like obvious questions. Instead she gave the guy a dick-size complex; now he'll never cum.
What exactly are her credentials? She's not a doctor. Her bio says she's a registered nurse and a mother and a grandmother. My friend, Gregg, is also a registered nurse, but I wouldn't take sex advice from him. I'm a web guy and an uncle and a son, so I guess I could be a sex educator too.
I should co-host that show with her. She could handle the cooter and old people questions, and I'll handle the rest.
I always wonder who these people are that actually call into these shows. I don't know of anyone who has ever done that. It seems like most of questions could be answered on the Internet. If they have the Oxygen network in their household, it's a good bet they also have Internet access.
I used to listen to Dr. Ruth when I was in middle school. I would lay in bed with my little headphones hooked up to my boombox and listen as she talked openly about gay people and anal sex. She was very pro-gay and pro-butt sex. I think she was the first person I knew of that did that.
I love hearing about people's fetishes. Jimbo pointed out this one on his blog. In all my sexual exploits, I haven't come across someone with an odd fetish. I wish I had met a guy with a foot fetish. I love to have my feet rubbed. He could have rubbed them all night if he wanted and then finished with "This Little Piggy." That would have made me happy. If you know of any unusual fetishes you've encountered, please let me know. That shit entertains me.
So if you are considering calling up Sue Johanson's show for some advice, consider asking me instead. I'm sure I could provide you with the answers you are seeking.
Posted by durban bud at September 18, 2006 12:09 PM
Comments
You're just targeting all my idols aren't you? First the Safeway, now my Canadian alter ego. Seriously, I want her job.
Most straight men have severe dick size issues, seeing as they have far less reference points than gay men. I mean, imagine the only hard dick you ever saw was your own or porn, and your partner got to see lots of them all the time.
Can't say that I've met that many fetishists for sex, though I know a fair number of them. Though one bf used to not mind getting bruises so he could press on them and get that weird look of awe and enjoyment in his eyes.
Posted by: Carl at September 18, 2006 02:59 PM
I had a guy once ask me if he could stick his hands down my pants at Apex so he could play with my crotch (particularly with my 4skin) and then sniff his fingers (this really happened and I am recoiling as I remember it) while he was rolling (on E) and dancing...
If I recall correctly I poured what was left of my water on his hands when he tried to reach over to do it... My friend Anson witnessed the whole thing... Looking back it was funny but still... ewwww. That E makes people say some straaaaaaange stuff...
Posted by: TOS at September 18, 2006 03:55 PM
Carl:
I sometimes like to press my bruises, but it doesn't make me horny.
Tos:
3 things...
1. OMG...eeeeewwwwwwww
2. I can't believe you never told me.
3. I had no idea how slutty you were on the dancefloor.
Posted by: dBud at September 18, 2006 05:51 PM
Baseball caps and braces (the ones you wear on your teeth).
Posted by: Steve in IAH at September 18, 2006 07:36 PM
I was getting a good rim job once and the guy pulled his face out of my ass long enough to ask if I'd feed him. It took me a minute to catch on but only about a millisecond to get dressed and out of the house.
I still cringe when I think about it!
Posted by: rodger at September 18, 2006 07:55 PM
Ok rodger wins...
I did tell you dear... it was about 3 years ago tho - I think you must have tuned me out since it was during my "single" rebound period after Chuck... ;-)
And I think you of all people know how I can be on a dancefloor... but I have the same rule as you - no uninvited hands ;-)
dBud: I agree. Rodger wins, hands down.
Posted by: TOS at September 18, 2006 08:43 PM
I used to listen to Dr. Ruth obsessively... I think I used to tell my mom I was listening to Dr. Demento... little did she know.
Not sure if these are fetishes or not but some things that I find incredibly attractive that aren't found on your average bear are:
1. nose that looks like it was broken
2. repaired hair-lip
3. deaf guys
4. adopted guys
5. guys with one or more queer siblings
6. Canadians (especially Quebecois)
Posted by: habitat67 at September 18, 2006 09:09 PM
I've heard about this one fetish where people ask others to send them sex stories and questions over the internet. I've never met anyone who has it but I know it can.... uh-oh.
Carry on.
Posted by: Brian at September 19, 2006 08:40 AM
You know, there are those people who like having their pets in bed with them during sex. Those people are total freaks! Especially the people with cats.
Posted by: Carl at September 19, 2006 11:17 AM
I love sex outdoors. Is that a fetish? The risk of getting caught in public is hot to me also. Yes, I think that is a fetish.
Posted by: Bubala at September 19, 2006 04:52 PM
I used to play online with a guy that liked me to wear sneakers and stomp on things. beer cans, boxes, plastic cups - anything that you could crush. He'd lose it every time.
Posted by: Dumbek at September 19, 2006 06:40 PM
I chatted on gay.com with a guy who wanted me to fuck him while I forcibly covered his face with my own stinky shoe (the stinkier the better) and he jacked himself off into the other shoe. We didn't hook up, although I was tempted to just so I could tell the story.
Posted by: John T at September 20, 2006 08:34 PM
sue johanson...
Oh My, she's been on the air in canada for about 20 years. Before she became a geriatric case, she was actually pretty good. Now, she barely understands what's going on.
When i get up to visit my BF in canada (I live in california for work and thanks to the USA government being so anti gay, we have to live apart) we always watch Sue and make fun of her ridiculous advise. 95% of the time she doesn't understand the question, which is odd, considering it's the same freakin questions every week.
1. What's a good vibrator for a single woman in her 40's
2. Straight couple wants to try anal sex, but they are worried...
3. My BF ejaculates too quickly
4. I go down on my BF but he won't go down on me (female)
5. How to use a dental dam
6. What is a good sexual position for ..... (insert any problem here)
7. Person in wheelchair/crutches/walker etc. wants to have sex...
8. one ridiculous call that makes no sense and was obviously made up.
Sue doesn't answer any of the questions very well.
As for fetish.. I had two friends who were phone sex operators (not sure what their actual title would be... perhaps Telephone Pleasure Facilitators?) and one even ended up being a dominatrix for a while. The dom, had a guy who likes his scrotum to be stepped on in high heels, made him climax without touching himself. They both had experiences with guys who liked certain colors (red shoes, red sweaters etc.)
Personally, I can't finish without being presented with some jewelery.
Posted by: jeremy at March 19, 2007 04:16 AM