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September 07, 2006
The Korean Lady
The Korean woman who runs the convenience store down the street loves me. I made the mistake of telling her that I like the new Diet Coke with Splenda. She ordered a bunch of the 2-litres specifically for me. Well, apparently Coke has ceased making this version due to poor sales, at least that's what she told me.
I walked in today to buy whatever caffeine product I was in the mood for. There is a huge line at the register. She sees me and starts yelling, "WE HAVE SPLENDA FO' YOU! IN CAN!" I'm startled, "Huh?" "WE HAVE SPLENDA IN CAN IN BACK! WE FOUND FO' YOU!" She stops checking people out and orders one of her kids she holds hostage at the store to go to the refridgerator in the back to bring me some. People are clearly annoyed and staring at me. "That's okay, I don't really ne--." The kid who must be 9 years old goes to the back and brings out a large box." "SEE! WE FOUND CAN FO' YOU!" I walk away and hide behind some jars of pasta sauce hoping she will continue checking people out. She is still yelling. Please stop.
The store eventually empties, so I come out of my hiding place and head to the register. I feel obliged to purchase the large box of cans. "WE FOUND FO' YOU!" She is still shouting even though I am like a foot away from her. "Thank you. You didn't need to do that." "Well, we know you love-uh the Splenda." Great. Nothin' like being known as the boy who loves his Splenda.
As she's ringing me up, I notice a bunch of bags filled with a yellow liquid for sale by the register. I pick one up to investigate and see a pickle in the bag. I make a look of disgust on my face. She notices and says, "Those fo' black peoples."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Those fo' black peoples. They love in bag."
"We have pickle in jar fo' you over there."
Oh dear. I have no idea how to respond to my little racist friend.
"I make pickle in Korea. They so good. I make you some. I bring in recipe fo' you so you can make."
"Yeah, um, I don't think I want to start making pickles. Thanks."
"Oh, you no like pickle?"
"No, I like pickles. I just don't need to make them." I can't believe I'm having this conversation.
"I make good pickle. They vedy, vedy cispy. So vedy vedy cispy."
"Oh, I do love them crispy," I add for some odd reason.
"I bing in recipe fo' you! So vedy cispy."
I smile and leave.
If I go in there next time and she has a huge line and YELLS at me that she has my pickle recipe, I am never going back.
Posted by durban bud at September 7, 2006 01:14 PM
Comments
Honey, we call that service. I know after many years of enduring CVS and its nefarious sisters of surly service it all seems over the top, but damn if you didn't find a store with a clue. ;-)
Use the power for good, my son, just as we do at the DMV and the post office.
Posted by: Carl at September 7, 2006 03:35 PM
Given my complete distaste and disgust for pickles I am NEVER going into that little market again...
Bleeeeeeeeeeech! :-P
Posted by: TOS at September 7, 2006 03:49 PM
Smart racist woman. She has successfully used stereotypes to sell more product. My old grocery store would specifically order Brooklyn Chocolate Stout beer for me, as they picked me out as a raging gay alcoholic.
I hate most anything pickled, but I can handle some Korean stuff. Kimchee is so spicy that I ignore the pickly stuff. Make sure and get her something for her birthday.
Posted by: Glenn at September 7, 2006 06:29 PM
This is funny. One of your funniest posts ever. I wish I could have been there to see it. I like pickles.
Posted by: Bubala at September 8, 2006 09:20 AM
When are the ANCs going to stop wasting their time on ABC permits for mom and pop stores and instead concentrate on banning those menacing pickles? EWW!!!
Posted by: Herb at September 8, 2006 04:49 PM
LMAO at that.
Those pickles in a bag suck ass. I actually bought one for some strange & unknown reason (and i'm WHITE!), expensive & barf-tastic.
My brother-in-law is straight up from Korea (or KOrea as my grandmother calls it) & he neither shouts nor is he racist.
Thanks for the laughs.
Posted by: Sassy Brown at April 4, 2007 05:29 PM