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September 06, 2006
Trick
We all have our share of bad hook up stories. I have tons of them. I've erased most of them from my memory, but one memory resurfaced the other day when I went to a party to see a bunch of friends I hadn't seen in a long time. I was introduced to one of those awful tricks I had a one night stand with a long time ago. A really bad one night stand. Ew.
I met this guy when I first moved to DC at some trashy bar called the Frat House. I have since learned that Men + Frat House = Automatic Booty Tang. At the time, I was all, "I don't have one night stands. I need to get to know the person first before we engage in any sexual activty." I was, after all, severely naive with like moral values and shit.
For some reason, he's always been kind of a dick to me since our original evening of doom. I'm really not sure why. Was he expecting more? Did I somehow offend him? Is his penis still bleeding? Who knows. All I know is the sex was horrific. I think he wanted anal, but this was in my innocent pre-anal days, so maybe he was really bored.
Whenever I would see him in a bar thereafter, he would ignore me, give me dirty looks, or throw napkins at me. Fuh Reek.
I noticed him early on in the evening at the party. I was caught by surprise cuz I had never seen my friends hanging out with him before. He looked awful. He definitely has let himself go. I thought he was hot when I tricked with him. Then again, I was probably wasted. Another reason to stop drinking! Anyway, he is now troll-like.
One of my friends introduced me to a number of guys. Rumpelstiltskin was one of them. My friend is like, "Do you know TJ?" He said, "Nope." I'm like, "Uh, yeah ya do. Your tongue was up my mangina* for like half an hour, lie bag!" But I didn't say that. Instead I said nothing and shook his troll hand. This was followed by an uncomfortable silence. I excused myself from the group and vomited in the kitchen sink.
Maybe I was totally forgettable to him, or maybe he considers me a troll too. I don't care.
One night stands aren't really one-night stands anymore. They always rear their ugly heads one more time in your life. Eventually.
Posted by durban bud at September 6, 2006 01:01 PM
Comments
Hey man, don't be knockin' Scandinavian aboriginals.
dBud: Have you slept with one?
Posted by: jimbo at September 6, 2006 02:37 PM
Now...no one expects a trick to talk to you later. But if I see you out I'm not gonna pretend I don't know who you are. I am all about the hello. And I'll be damned if you're gonna ignore me if I say something to you. No one has to know that's who we are to each other.
So one time I got really drunk and confronted a trick at the bar.
The short backstory is that I wasn't able to hang out a couple times when he asked online, and all of the sudden he stopped talking altogether. No more responses to hello's. But every now and then I would say hello. I am that kinda of guy. Hey, ya wanna grab a beer sometime, etc.
When I saw him out at a friend's birthday, I sat down right in front of him and his friends and said with a big old smile on my face in total kidding-mode, "hey man how ya been, can't say hello back?"
He was moritified to be called out. I immediately felt better. I later explained to him that hey man...that's how I was brought up. Someone says hello, you say hello back. And you don't pretend not to know someone. It's fucking stupid and you look like an ass.
Aaron
Posted by: A-Ron at September 6, 2006 03:37 PM
i only trick out of town. i've slept w/ more dudes in portland/vancouver than seattle--mainly cuz i know what a small town this is, and i like one night stands to be just that.
either that, or i hit up a hotel bar.
(the w has really great beds)
p.s. i was just thinking about you and your drinking earlier today--still going well, i take it?
dBud: I've stayed at that W in Seattle. It's eerily dark there. And I've been clean and sober for 6 months now. :)
Posted by: jeremy at September 6, 2006 11:30 PM
I was never that naive, hell I'd walk up to guys and get straight to the task at hand. Coming from a very young looking 18 year old, this didn't go over too well.
If you treat people decently, being slutty isn't an issue. There will always be disagreements, and that's life. I'd rather have good sex with good people, than great sex with psychos.
Posted by: carl at September 7, 2006 12:15 AM
"And I've been clean and sober for 6 months now. :)"
Congratulations! That's amazing.
Also, about suggesting the mixed drink recipe in that last post, um, I meant to give you a nice bundt cake recipe. Yeah.
Posted by: Brian at September 7, 2006 08:02 AM
I think Scandinavian trolls are hot. American gnomes are a different story.
Posted by: homer at September 7, 2006 03:03 PM
...innocent pre-anal days? christ on a crutch, i think i was like, maybe, seven! and then i became enlightened. and i agree with homer, though i include iceland and finland, and fancy all nordic trolls!
dBud: You were only seven??? I'll assume a priest took your cherry.
Posted by: jiminy at September 7, 2006 09:29 PM
the troll got booty tang
Posted by: Hedmka at December 27, 2006 04:00 PM