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October 12, 2006
The Boxers
My life is a sitcom and I am Andy Dick.
I was running late to a meeting, so I hurried to get ready. I took a quick shower and started to get dressed. I dug through my boxer drawer to find a pair to wear. Apparently, I have been lacking in my laundry duties, as I couldn't find any. I dug deeper and found an older pair I rarely wear. I put them on, got dressed and ran out the door.
After walking two blocks, I felt something odd. My already baggy pants were falling down a bit; so I pulled them up, but I could still feel a cool draft on my upper ass. Um, WTF? Uh-oh. My boxers are starting to fall off. I reached in my pants and pulled them up. Well, that lasted for about a block. The elastic band was no longer elastic. At all. My man panties or "manties" were falling further and further down south the more I walked.
This wouldn't really be a problem if it wasn't so obvious from the outside. With the boxers completely fallen off my ass and having nowhere else to go, they bunched up in my crotch. Again, not a big deal; however, it wasn't just my crotch that contained a nice bulge. It was my ass too.
The street was filled with people, so the idea of reaching in my pants to pull them back up was off the table. Instead, I continued walking with what appeared to be an erection and a cottage cheese ass. Whatever. I finally reached my destination.
Since I was already running late, I bypassed a bathroom to remove my manties and went directly to the elevator. Taking my pants off was not an option at this point. There was no one else in the elevator so I reached in and attempted to rip them off. I made some progress, but the elastic band was posing a problem. I continued yanking the band, trying to get it to rip some, and hoping there was no security camera in the elevator.
I reached my floor and the elevator door opened. I quickly tucked my torn boxers back in my pants. Again, cottage cheese city. Luckily, no one was around. I put my foot by the door so it wouldn't close and take me to another floor. I reached back in and continued pulling the elastic band. It wouldn't budge. I was able to tear off the rest of the manties. I threw them on the floor so I could use both hands to continue ripping the band. It was quiet. No one around.
I gave up with the whole ripping thing. Since the elastic band was now completely stretched out, I decided to pull it up over my head. It might have made more sense to push it down over my pants, but I'm not always that bright, especially when I'm running late.
As I pulled the band up over my face, I looked up and noticed an African-American woman standing at the elevator door. I froze with the band now on my forehead. She gave me a look of horror. I smiled and said, "My boxers were falling off, so I decided to rip them off." Huh? That made no sense. She said, "Would you like me to leave you alone?" "Um, no. This looks bad, doesn't it?" "Well, let's just say it looks unusual." She smiled. I really had no way to explain this away. I pulled the band off my face, grabbed the torn boxers on the floor, smiled at her and exited the elevator.
I am never going back there.
Posted by durban bud at October 12, 2006 12:05 PM
Comments
wow...
Posted by: tim at October 12, 2006 12:18 PM
HA! That sucks! I have had that happen, I mean with old boxers loosing the elasticity...
I could share my own embarrassing stories, but I think you have me beat at the moment..
Posted by: Steve at October 12, 2006 12:38 PM
Hey, it's an achievement that your old underwear is too big for you now - well done babe!
dBud: Thanks Matt, but sadly the boxers were just worn out, especially the elastic band. I should have retired them years ago. Let this be a lesson to all of you holding onto those old manties: Throw them away or auction them off on eBay for a children's charity.
Posted by: Matt at October 12, 2006 12:52 PM
Oh I'm laughing my head off, which in a crowded office might not be the best, but that's why they gave me a cube filled with toner, to muffle the guffaws.
I have a pair that are close to doing that. The only thing keeping them up are my birthing hips and will power.
Posted by: Carl at October 12, 2006 01:19 PM
This story is strangely disturbing to me.
Posted by: homer at October 12, 2006 04:40 PM
May I chew on the remnants of your old boxers?
Posted by: jimbo at October 12, 2006 05:24 PM
Hmmmm, I wonder if the security camera in the elevator caught the whole thing? I'd pay to see that! ;-)
Posted by: Bubala at October 12, 2006 05:37 PM
/ starting the durban underwear revitalization fund
Posted by: Brian at October 13, 2006 08:45 AM
If there is a camera in the elevator....you might want to check YouTube daily for the next few weeks.
Posted by: Blobby at October 13, 2006 10:41 AM
Screw YouTube.. I wanna put it on the nooz!
I fell out of my chair laughing!
Posted by: Thomas at October 13, 2006 10:54 PM
how do you get yourself in these situations?
Posted by: robert at October 31, 2006 12:12 PM