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October 02, 2006
Thruples Are The New Black
We met a nice guy on the plane coming back from San Fran. We chit-chatted with him as we were waiting for our rides to pick us up from the airport. He told us his partner was coming to pick him up. Our ride showed up; we said goodbye and left.
The other evening we attended a lovely party hosted by a couple we have become good friends with. There were several cute mandies in attendance. As we were mingling with some of them, the guy we met at the airport enters with two other guys. We say:
"Hey, how are you? Good to see you again."
"Hi. This is my partner."
"Hi, nice to meet you."
"And this is my other partner."
"Oh hi, nice to meet you too."
I had never met a thruple before, at least, in person. My brief knowledge of thruples usually involved the dissolution of friendships, bitterness, rage, and in one case profiled on Forensic Files, murder. So naturally I asked:
"How long have you all been together?"
"Five years."
Wow, that's like 15 in gay years, and 30 since three are involved.
Color me fascinated. I need to read up on this shit. I wanted to ask several questions, but didn't think that would be quite appropriate. Yet.
Full disclosure: I was almost involved in thrupledom, although no labels were ever attached to it. My pathetic experience resulted in me having a breakdown and entering rehab.
How ever do they do it...successfully?
I could never do it; I require too much attention. Why do you think I have a blog? I need more than one person to hear me out. Actually, that sounds like I do need to have more than one mate, but, you get my point.
Sexual threesomes or foursomes are difficult enough, but at least you have the luxury of sending the individual(s) on their way when all is said and done. And I have very limited experience in this area as well, cuz again, I require full attention. So I usually spent my time waving and saying, "Hey, I'm over here. Don't forget about me or I'm gonna throw a hissy fit," which is always so very attractive.
And all of these experiences occurred while I was heavily intoxicated. Since I no longer indulge like that, you will need to be far more creative to get me in the sack, unless, of course you are Jake Dakota; then all you need to do is show up and squat.
Anyway...
As we were getting ready to leave the party, we say our goodbyes to the hosts. One half of the couple introduces me to another of their friends and adds, "We're dating him."
I look at Rob who is smiling. The only thing I could think to say was, "Am I on Candid Camera?" No response. Realizing he was not kidding, I say, "Nice to meet you."
So there you have it. One party. Two thruples.
I say to Rob, "Why didn't they tell me earlier?"
"They probably didn't want you to mention it on your blog."
"As if!"
Posted by durban bud at October 2, 2006 12:37 PM
Comments
It seems like a lot of fun, but thoughts of extra laundry kind of ruin it for me...
Posted by: matt at October 2, 2006 01:41 PM
Regarding Thruples: I have seen 2 out of 2 thruples I knew self-destruct in my lifetime. Most exist at the needs of one person in the 3-way relationship, but not of the other in the original 2. If my other ever requests a 3rd, I'd say go for the 3rd and I'd be off...it would save 3-5 years of hardship on the relationship. Plus, like you TJ, I require too much attention. I cannot even concieve of a 3rd. It's all about me.
Posted by: jimbo at October 2, 2006 02:45 PM
My attempt was a huge failure for the #1 reason, sexually, I ended up the third wheel even though I was part of the original couple. I walked out on that mess and have been happily single ever since. And I plan on staying that way.
Posted by: Gay Veteran at October 2, 2006 04:22 PM
I was in a thruple for over a year and it did self destruct; however, the attention dynamic y'all are describing was not the cause of the failure--in fact, it was kind of a relief to have someone else on board to stroke (!) my bf's ego. I had lots of extra time to be self-absorbed.
Posted by: Chris at October 2, 2006 04:31 PM
I'd settle for a date at this point in my life.
Posted by: homer at October 2, 2006 05:10 PM
True thrupledom can only be achieved by lesbians... they all date each other's ex's anyhow...
Posted by: TOS at October 2, 2006 08:40 PM
I'd say anyone in addition to yourself is hard, and each one makes it harder. If you can make it work, then good on ya.
Too many people have this idea that somehow their relationships are pathetic flops if they don't last 70 years. 3 years of good is better than 2 good and 7 awful, where one dies inside.
Posted by: carl at October 2, 2006 10:44 PM
Is the key to the threeway couples excellent prescription medication? Emperor's New Relationships anyone.....
Posted by: Joe at October 3, 2006 10:50 AM
I could never be part of a successful thruple. I can get way too jealous sometimes. It's not something that I'm proud of, but I do have to be realistic about it.
Posted by: Bubala at October 3, 2006 11:25 AM
I've never seen these work, but the world is a wide place. I guess it could work if you had one super egotist and two kinda loner guys that never get jealous.
Me I could never even get a threesome organized let alone one relationship to really work.
Posted by: Tim at October 3, 2006 11:30 AM
Yeah... the jealousy thing would nip it in the bud for me too...
Posted by: Paul at October 3, 2006 12:28 PM
Sometimes labels make things seem impossible. I've met several successful thruples and have skated around that issue several times in my relationships. I agree that a succesful relationship does not have to last 70 years. Couples grow together and apart and hopefully work through the hard times and learn. Sometimes you meet someone else that compliments your relationship and it all fits together. The most important part of life is loving others and appreciating every minute you have with them.
Posted by: Donn at October 3, 2006 05:13 PM
I can’t get beyond the practical challenges of a thruple much less the emotional challenges. How would you ever decide whose parents to spend Christmas with? Also, if someone farted in bed how would you determine who did it?
Posted by: Herb at October 4, 2006 08:36 AM
Last summer I saw a thruple walking around Dupont, it wasn't the thrupledom that bothered me but the matching outfits!!
Posted by: Brian at October 4, 2006 12:28 PM
My 18 year relationship with my partner outlasted almost every single straight marriage we knew. Ever since I was a wee little child I knew that my ideal family would be a bunch of guys; alas, I have yet to find them. Relationships self-destruct for lots of reasons; there are certainly a lot more models that support long-term gay relationships today, and as a result we see and hear about a lot more of them than we used to. I think that might be the case with relationships of multiple partners, too; we might need models that work before our brains can really get around the concept and accept them as viable. Read Genesis: there certainly was no shortage of men with multiple wives in antiquity. Why can't it work here and now?
Posted by: Jeffrey at November 1, 2006 08:34 PM
I have recently said yes for a thruple relationship. To tell you the true it is the most honest and healthy relationship I have ever had.I know it will take work, but that's true in any relationship.The men I am with have been together for 15yrs. I am the add on. I know they say we are all equal in this relationship, but I know I am not. I know my place and I am happy with that. You can not be jealous and have this way of life. They are my best friends and I love them and I am proud to be part of their family.
Posted by: Graeme at February 26, 2007 11:08 PM
I found your blog after having done a Google search on gay 3-way relationships. My husband (yes, we're legally married in Massachusetts) and I have met someone that we're both very much into and are starting to develop strong feelings for this guy. This arrangement is NOT a band-aid for our relationship. We're very much in love with each other and would and will do everything to keep our marriage alive. We've simply met someone whom we're both compatible with and are seeing where things go with it. Will jealousy come into play? I'm sure it will - especially on my part. But I'm willing to see where this goes and to learn from my mistakes - should this not work out. And, quite honestly, I'm hoping it does.
Posted by: Brad at October 11, 2007 04:02 PM