« Seasonal Affective Disorder | Main | Senator Hypocrite »
October 16, 2006
Urine Town
Yesterday I went to the convenience store down the street. A man approached me inside and asked for "45 cent." He reeked of alcohol. I pretended to study the Ben & Jerry's flavors inside the fridge. He eventually walked away.
The Korean Lady saw me and yelled, "We have Diet Coke with Splenda! In can fo' you." I yelled back, "No, thanks."
I left the store and noticed the same man pissing on an orange construction cone in the middle of the sidewalk. It was in the afternoon and was bright and sunny out. How lovely. I had to walk by this beautiful puddle.
This morning, I took the trash out. As I walked down the alley, a pleasant man said hello to me. I said hello, dumped the trash in the dumpster, and started walking back up the alley. That's when I saw it. His plump penis was in his hand, as he was urinating on the side of our building. At first, I was stunned by the girth of his member; then I was disgusted at what he was doing. He didn't stop either. He drained the lizard dry. Ugh. As I've mentioned before, I don't need to see another penis for a long time.
My viewing of public urination quota is one a week. My quota has been exceeded in just 2 days.
I think I need to move to another less-pissy city. Does such a city exist?
Posted by durban bud at October 16, 2006 11:11 AM
Comments
Oh good 'ol DC. For the record, I've never seen public urination in Milwaukee. However in Spain, you would reach your quota every hour. Taxi Cab drivers whip it out at stop lights.
Posted by: Sarah at October 16, 2006 11:36 AM
No all cities have public urination, except Zurich and Singapore, the latter will probably have you shot.
A couple weeks ago I saw two straight men peeing on pillars outside an office building. I had to read them, loudly, as it was only 1030PM! Pee on trees, not pillars.
Posted by: Carl at October 16, 2006 11:43 AM
Most midwestern towns... barring chicago and Detroit of course.
Posted by: Tim at October 16, 2006 02:18 PM
The smell of stale urine isn't so bad when it rains regularly.
Posted by: jimbo at October 16, 2006 03:17 PM
downtown LA smells like piss everywhere. it's so gross. great blog btw.
Posted by: Kaleb at October 16, 2006 05:20 PM
It could be worse, it could have pee'd on your shoe.
Posted by: moby at October 17, 2006 01:22 AM
I agree with the above. Move to the Midwest. I don't think I peed until I moved here.
Posted by: Herb at October 17, 2006 08:56 AM
Um - I think NYC takes the award for pissiest city.. Chinatown in August will about knock you over..
and your *still* on your moratorium?! I would have thought that would have lasted a week, tops..
dBud: I should clarify: I'm on a moratorium from seeing strangers' penises. Penises from people I know are totally cool.
Posted by: Steve at October 17, 2006 12:53 PM
In the suburbs, there are less people so there is less of that kind of thing going on. We also have this incredible thing called GRASS which is on top of this thing called DIRT and the two make a great piss absorber.
Posted by: Steve at October 17, 2006 07:20 PM