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November 02, 2006
Turtle Suicide
If I were a turtle, I would totally kill myself. They live way too long, like 100 years. And what exactly do they do? They're like little Terri Schiavos with shells. They must be miserable and cranky. No wonder they snap. I bet Senator Larry Craig was a turtle in a former life.
After about two years of crawling a foot every hour, I would find a nice highway to crawl onto.
My friend, Reenie, had this huge ass car in high school. It was comical, cuz she's a petite woman driving this big, brown, old Hummer-like vehicle. It was like an African-American Christine.
We were driving down some highway and I noticed a little turtle crawling on the road. I said, "Look out for Ken Mehlman the turtle!" CRUNCH! Poor thing. Then I thought, it was probably trying to commit suicide. And I don't blame it.
It must be difficult to live your life hidden by a large, protective barrier from the real world. And I think we all know some uptight, cranky turtles stuck in their shells today.
Posted by durban bud at November 2, 2006 10:48 AM
Comments
You are so, so utterly wrong. Turtles rock! They live way long, they have cool houses to pull their cute lil heads and feet inside. Sometime they bite mean people poking at them. Tortoises are pretty cool too. This is, of course, the opinion of a liberal.
Posted by: homer at November 2, 2006 06:35 PM
Wow, I'm impressed - I CAN'T believe you remember that!!!!! I think we were near Hamlin Beach. Poor ole turtle. I was happy when that brown car died. It was a tank!
Posted by: Reenie at November 2, 2006 11:49 PM
EEEEEEK! Enough with the awful turtle stories. What are you trying to do to me?
Posted by: Brian at November 3, 2006 10:55 AM