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January 03, 2007
Darkrooms
As I have written before, I studied in Amsterdam one summer for college. Not surprisingly, it was the same year I became a slut.
The majority of people in the study abroad program were already sluts or, at least, further along the route to slutsville than me; I was still a bit naive when it came to human sexuality and its customs. They were so OPEN about everything.
I became fast friends with the other guys. One of the guys was a small, effeminate, Filipino twink: a Filipink, I guess. He was the sluttiest of the bunch, and also the only one in a relationship -- apparently, it was very open.
One afternoon I ran into the Filipink at our housing complex. He was carrying a towel and said he was going to the beach to lay out. I was bored so I asked if I could tag along, not knowing where the hell a beach was in Amsterdam. He gave a disinterested, "okay," so we made our pilgrimage to the beach.
It was about a two mile walk. We reached an area with high grass and trees; it resembled a maze. We were not by the water when he said, "Okay, this is my spot." He put his towel down. I noticed several other guys doing the same thing. He motioned for me to find my spot "over there, somewhere." Huh? We're not going to hang out together and talk? I became nervous. A couple men walked by, naked. Ohhhhhhh.
So I took the hint and found another spot, embarrassed by my ignorance. I was annoyed he didn't tell me exactly what kind of "beach" he was taking me, but then again, I invited myself.
I didn't bring a towel, but I did have my discman, thank god. I sat down, put on my headphones and watched, as men circled around, naked, on the prowl. It was all very strange to me. It was reminiscent of that scene from Halloween when Dr. Loomis and the nurse stumble upon Michael Meyers and a group of escaped mental patients, wandering around a field with their hospital gowns on.
A nice man rode by me on a bike and disappeared. A few minutes later, he circled back and stopped in front of me. "Why are you dressed?" "Um, I dunno. I'm just here to watch." "Sure you are." He introduced himself, asked where I was staying, and offered to take me back to his place, since it was close to our apartments. A free ride and a blow job? I'm in! I hopped on the back of his bike and off we went. As we rode by the Filipink, I gave him a big wave and said, "Ssssssee ya later, bitch!" I was proud I scored first since I was such a novice.
A group of us would venture out nightly to some bar, drink, maybe do some hash, and head over to something called a "darkroom." I had never heard of darkrooms before, but the boys in the program showed me the light (har har). I have since learned there is a reason they're dark; it's for the very same reason a haunted house lacks light.
It's not something I would normally do, but I was young, excited and in a foreign fucking country -- no one would report on my slutty ways!
I usually stood close to the entrance of the darkroom, so I could catch a glimpse of light on an approaching man's face, cast from the well-lit area of the bar.
I mainly stood there, slapping men's hands when they would grope without permission. I giggled. I observed. I occasionally made frog "ribit" sounds to keep things lively. I did walk-throughs, Stevie Wonder-style. Sometimes there was no talking; other times they would speak in a language I didn't understand, so I would just grunt, cuz they totally understood that.
A Dutch guy approached me and whispered something in my ear. I had no idea what he said, so I was all, "Alstublieft." He's like, "You're American, aren't you?" We chatted and grunted, until I noticed my pants were now down by my ankles.
A bunch of other men circled around us and began fondling. I was in a sea of foreskin and I was the smegma. I knew if someone turned a light on, I would probably vomit. I pulled my pants up, forced my way out of the daisy dick chain, and ran downstairs to get some air and wash my hands.
The next day the guys were teasing me for being so vanilla, and not getting naked at the "beach." The Filipink pipes in, and says, "I don't know why you're so shy; I think you have a nice dick." Eeeeewww, wha-?
"How the hell would you know?"
"Cuz I felt it last night in the darkroom, honey."
And that, my friends, was the last time I've been to a darkroom.
Posted by durban bud at January 3, 2007 12:23 AM
Comments
I've yet to check "Darkroom" off my list. There was however that Daniel Nardiccio party...
Posted by: circleinasquare at January 3, 2007 01:43 AM
oh gaysians, they are so cute...
but annoying.
My only time in a place like that was in Phoenix, it was more educational than overtly stimulating. and yes madonnna was playing in the background.
Posted by: tim at January 3, 2007 09:43 AM
Darkrooms. Dark back rooms. Wooded mazes.
check. check. and check.
Perhaps I'm not enough of a novice in anything anymore.
Posted by: Blobby at January 3, 2007 10:19 AM
There is a guy who has placed personal ads here in New York for as long as I have lived here advertising the "private glory hole" in his apartment. Is it possible to have a private darkroom in your apartment? How about a nude beach?
Posted by: Aaron at January 3, 2007 11:19 AM
I heard that meat racks are quite common in gourmet kitchens these days.Together with meat pounders and grinders. And some chefs are experimenting with vacuum pumping, to increase the(flavor)penetration of food. There's a reason why Macy's put all the kitchen stuff in the 'cellar'.
Posted by: henry at January 3, 2007 11:56 AM
Gay sex stomping grounds all seem to have a mixture of open space for cruising and bushes for fornicating; "my" nude "beach" is no different.
Great story! The image of Dr. Loomis and nurse was perfect.
Posted by: Dagon at January 3, 2007 01:11 PM
Dagon is the one who told me of the location of Manhattan's own nude, gay "beach."
Posted by: Aaron at January 3, 2007 01:20 PM
With all that in the dark room activity were any pictures ever developed? Don’t those photo processing chemicals burn when you use them as a lubricant? Aren’t you glad now that you can just print them at home on your computer? Are you more comfortable now on a nude beach? Will you at least take off you shirt?
Posted by: Bald Monkey at January 3, 2007 01:31 PM
I had the opportunity to spend a summer in Amsterdam when I was in college. However, I was not out and experienced none of this. Being in the closet was such a waste of time.
Anway, I did meet the Filipino when Dbud and I were traveling in northern California. We decided to indulge in a Japanese day spa. It consisted of a communal massage room (rated G only), large communal showers, a sauna and several pools of water. One pool was freezing cold, the other was scolding hot and the last one “was just right.” After receiving our massages, TJ and I headed to the poolroom dressed only in linen towels. Before entering the pools, we had to shower. As we stepped out of the shower, we hear somebody yell, “TJ?” It was the Filipino. He had already seen my ass from the shower, and now here I was being introduced in full glory. It was a bit odd. Needless to say we later met him and some of his friends for dinner one of which, was a prominent lesbian porn star. Who knew?
dBud: THAT's RIGHT! I totally forgot about that. I remember I put my towel over my crotch, embarrassed at seeing him, and he said, "Why bother, honey. I've already seen it." One time I'd like to see him when nudity is not involved.
Posted by: rob at January 3, 2007 02:22 PM
OMG this whole story cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh and especially the picturesque Dr.Loomis, Nurse and mental patients roaming around like zombies. It's all true, I've been to...oh never mind. And might I say that Filipinko is damn lucky to have held your snausage.
p.s. that comment remark about gaysians being annoying was rather rude. I know some who are downright hot as hell. mmm mmm
Posted by: Robocub at January 3, 2007 03:05 PM
Ok, that was a great story. Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: TonkaManOR at January 3, 2007 06:50 PM
Only time in Amsterdam was with my Dad. Going back in a month as a growed up gay boy, without my Dad, ready to be slutty in a foreign country, shown to all the best spots by my Dutch friends. Yippee!
Posted by: Raybob at January 3, 2007 08:05 PM
These things never, ever happen to me.
Posted by: homer at January 3, 2007 08:49 PM
You are such a ho. Fuck, I seem to have broken the glass... Great story.
Posted by: copperred at January 3, 2007 09:37 PM
Like I said before somewhere else in dBud's blog. I am so naïve. I have so much to learn...
Posted by: Bubala at January 3, 2007 10:10 PM
*gasp* You are a slut too? I knew there was a reason I liked you.
I had a similar experience at the Rawhide in New Orleans but it ended with my jaw being sore the next day.
Posted by: moby at January 5, 2007 02:56 AM