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January 31, 2007

Morning View

Posted by durban bud at 09:09 PM | Comments (10)

January 29, 2007

If Judith Regan Wrote About My Dreamgirls Experience

TJ went to see the ovah-rated Dreamgirls. He knew it was a musical, but forgot that people tend to sing dialogue in musicals, which disturbs him. It was very similar to watching a Disney movie as a child, where he would cringe when an animal would suddenly break out into song, ruining the pacing of the film. Amen.

He likened Dreamgirls to colonics. It's a bit uncomfortable at first, but once the cheese curds are expunged, there is a great sense of relief and satisfaction. And there were several cheese curds in Dreamgirls. Amen.

During the movie, Sally said to TJ, "What's that smell? Smells like fabric softener. Are you wearing Bounce? I HATE Bounce." "Um, no. I'm not wearing Bounce, betch. I'm wearing whatever fabric softener sheets Safeway sells. Don't be such a BitterBear. At least I smell fresh, like a mountain spring." Amen.

He was surprised to see a cameo from Urkel in the film; also, the cute guy from The Office was in it, briefly. He was really surprised that Beyonce didn't suck.

Anway, he will not be seeing any more movie musicals.

Amen.

Posted by durban bud at 10:16 AM | Comments (8)

January 26, 2007

Flossing with Denim

I'm not really sure what to say about this, except, it's another reason why jean shorts are a big no-no. And it's obvious the guy's a total top.

*Photo was sent to me by a gentle reader from South Africa. Thanks for thinking of me.

Posted by durban bud at 05:48 PM | Comments (18)

dBud Stud: Cha-Ka

Seen at MAL two weeks ago.

Posted by durban bud at 01:10 AM | Comments (7)

January 25, 2007

Donnie Davies Did it in the Conservatory with a Candlestick

My friend, Reenie, sent me a link to this site a while ago. If you're a blogger, click on "Custom" and type in your blog address. It searches your site for the words you (over)use the most.

Not surprisingly, my list consists of profanities and the words: totally, apparently, leather, poppers, tight, Jake and Christmas. Interesting little tool. Just like me!

Anyway, I just watched Stephen Colbert interview anti-immigration advocate, Lou Dobbs, on his show, in front of a barbed-wire fence. I love him.

As for this whole Donnie Davies drama, I think it's a hoax.

Posted by durban bud at 12:39 AM | Comments (9)

January 23, 2007

Little Miss Sunshine

Overheard in Beyonce's living room this morning:

B: THAT BITCH!
JZ: Baby, clam down. Calm down, baby.
B: Piss off, Jigga! You must not know 'bout me. You must not know 'bout me.

I don't get it either, but that's what I assume happened.

Anyway, I haven't seen any of the best picture nominees, except for Little Miss Sunshine, which, coincidentally, is Dagon's nickname. I hope to see them all soon.

I love how Al Gore's movie got a nom for Best Song, written and performed by Melissa Etheridge. It's called "Global Warming is Just Awful" or something. It's very catchy.

Pan's Labyrinth gets 6! I told y'all it was gonna be good.

I haven't been into the Oscars as much as I used to be, but I'm totally gonna watch it, and have a party, and post an online ballot on this site, cuz I am gay, gay, gay!

Posted by durban bud at 06:38 PM | Comments (8)

January 22, 2007

Boo Hoo

I wanted to close out the weekend with some lighthearted telly viewing, so I watched Intervention.

After that laugh fest, I watched Dr. G, Medical Examiner. She performed an autospy on a 34 year old woman who got suddenly sick, with lesions all over her body, and her teeth falling out. Turns out, she kissed a guy at a bar a couple weeks before her death. He had a common form of herpes, and it ravaged HER body! And killed her! Kissing kills! What am I gonna do?!? I suppose, be less slutty.

Despite that, I was feelin' all fine today until Joe and Aaron pointed out (via Fox News, ew) today is the most depressing day of the year. And that makes me sad.

Even my comment spam is depressed:

"I've just been staying at home not getting anything done. I've basically been doing nothing worth mentioning. My life's been pretty unremarkable these days. Eh."

WTF?

And to make matters worse, my sister said, "When are you gonna get rid of that beard thing on your face?" I'm like, "The same time you get rid of yours." I'm keeping the fur for the winter, during my hibernation.

And, once again, I have been overlooked for a GLAAD Media Award!

I need a bear hug!

Posted by durban bud at 12:11 PM | Comments (13)

January 20, 2007

Tight Holes and BitterBears

I was supposed to go to the Baltimore Aquarium with some sexy bears today, but then I realized I don't have a car to get there. They offered to pick me up, but that's like way out of the way for them, and I really didn't want to feel like Miss Daisy.

Then I considered going out to some gay bars tonight to act all slutty and shit, but then I realized I'm a pussy, cuz it's too fucking cold to leave my home, now that winter has finally hit DC -- I'm supposed to be hibernating anyway. I probably won't show my face again until my birthday next month. I'll walk out, do a quick wave, and run back in -- and I'm cool with that.

So instead, I watched a marathon of "To Catch a Predator" on MSNBC. I'm still not sure how I feel about that show. The only reason, really, people watch is to see the humiliation when the men get caught. It's a lot like American Idol in some ways, innit?

After that nonsense, I searched the men of Big Muscle Bears looking for new mandies in the area, and seeing if I recognized any holes. I did notice a few acquaintances of mine. One of these guys had a profile informing us that he has a "tight hole." I didn't really need to know that, but I suppose it's good to know he doesn't have to wear diapers. But really, who doesn't have a tight hole? I mean, isn't that fairly standard? It's kinda like saying, I have really wet saliva. I would hope your hole is tight. If not, I would expect you to use a colostomy bag, and mention that in your profile.

There are some really sexy men on that site. Not everyone is hot like a porn star, but at least they have the guts to put themselves out there, especially if they're looking for a date. And some guys have some really well-written profiles.

Other guys bitch too much on their profiles, listing a bunch of things they don't like about guys or complaining about some guy who did them wrong, and then wondering why they can't meet anyone of quality. Um, I know a few reasons, and one of them is cuz you're a BitterBear (new word!).

A BitterBear is a furry, athletic, gay man ranging in age from his late 20's to mid 50's, who believes the world now owes him something, since he has finally gotten into moderate to great shape, after years of neglect -- and if he feels these accolades are not bestowed upon him, he throws hissy fits and constantly bitches. He thinks he is the shit now, but his maturity level has been at a standstill since high school. Steroid users, guys who came out late in life, and aging club kids tend to be BitterBears.

And I think we all know a few of those.

Please add it to your vocabulary. Remember, I'm here to educate.

Posted by durban bud at 09:51 PM | Comments (11)

January 19, 2007

311 is a Joke

So we went out to lunch yesterday and upon our return, we notice someone has broken into my brother-in-law's car rental, and stolen the GPS system. This occurred in the early afternoon. I'm pretty much anti-death penalty, but when anything happens to ME, then I fully support the death penalty. Habitual thieves forfeit their right to their penis, if not their lives. I believe they should have to undergo a sex change and be pumped up with huge amounts of estrogen. I suppose this might be looked at as cruel and unusual, but the decrease in testosterone and the odd sensation between their legs would probably deter future crimes. In a sense, we are stealing something near and dear to them. Tit for tat, I say!

Anyway, it created a huge headache for my sister's family. My brother in law, Jay, called the car rental company, and was told he would need to file a police report before he could get a replacement vehicle. We called the police using 311. No one showed up. We called again. No one showed up. When we complained, we were told to go to the police station and file the report. So we did.

When we explained why we were there, the cop chastised us for leaving the "crime scene." One thing I admire about Jay, is his ability not to put up with any shit. So he admonished the officer for not having a cohesive system for filing reports.

It took forever to file the report, and even longer to get a new rental. He had to pay over $500 for the stolen GPS system. The car was insured but there was a deductable for stolen property. Ridiculous. The whole process took about 6 hours and cost them their only full day here.

It would have been nice if someone seemed interested in finding the individual responsible for the theft right after it happened, but no one was even remotely interested in patrolling the area where the crime occurred.

I realize these crimes happen all the time in DC, but they might happen less frequently with some common sense follow up.

A few years ago, I saw a woman getting her head bashed against a brink wall by some thug in our alley. I called 911 and it was busy. When I finally got through and explained the incident, the operator said, "Oh, those silly kids these days."

With a brand new police chief here in DC, I hope to see some progress. If not, I'm totally gonna write a really nasty post.

Other than that, the visit went reasonably well. The kids are very well-behaved, except for the 2 year old demon child, disguised as an adorable little boy-baby.

The first evening we went out to dinner, I thought I would get to chat with the kids, but they brought crayons, books and video games. I'm all, "I thought we were gonna talk." My niece says, "You're silly." I suppose; I just don't remember having that luxury when I was a wee boy.

The two year old is wise beyond his years. He calls me Uncle TJ, but it sounds more like "Uh-kuh Teejer." So when he asked me to come look at something he discovered, like this, and I say, "I'll be there in a second," he says, "Come here now, please." And keeps repeating it until I do as he says. He runs that family!

So the kiddies are now all gone. The place is quiet again, except for my neighbor's weiner dog, who I'm trying to silence with rat rid. And I am alone all weekend, as Rob is away. Call me if you want to watch some mindless telly, although with the crime rate in DC lately, I expect a home invasion of some sort. And not the good kind.

Posted by durban bud at 11:17 PM | Comments (4)

Morning View

Not my vehicle, people. Brother-in-law's rental.

Posted by durban bud at 10:35 AM | Comments (13)

January 16, 2007

Spiders on Drugs

I realize most of y'all have seen this, but I hadn't. It's very interesting.

Posted by durban bud at 10:52 PM | Comments (5)

Pan's Labia

* I finally got to see Pan's Labyrinth today. It was good. Very good. I need to see it again to digest what it all meant to me.

If anything, it made me want to have my very own fairy, who would guide me through life, and keep me safe from trolls and douchebags. I would name it Prudence, and pet its wings from time to time.

Rotten Tomatoes has some great clips of interviews with the director, Guillermo Del Toro, Ivana Baquero who plays the little girl and the (American!) actor who played both Pan and the Pale Man. Take a peek.

* I just finished watching the Golden Globes. Speaking of trolls, why was Donald Trump there? I still don't understand how that beautiful woman can let him enter her vagina. No amount of money is worth that thing humping your cooter. None.

I didn't really have any favorites, but it was cool to see Sacha Cohen win an award for something other than ice skating.

The whole Jennifer Hudson thing is fun to watch too, cuz you know Beyonce is seething, "Bitch, it was supposed to be MY moment to shine! And your fat ass is ruining it for ME!" It's such an underdog story and I love it.

Something dawned on me as I was watching the show. I should totally win a Golden Globe! I'm not sure what for, but I think it would be nice, and well-deserved. I would thank you. India. And consequence.

* My sister is coming to visit on Wednesday for a couple days. With her husband. And my nephew. And my niece. And my other nephew. And they are staying here. She mentioned that she and her husband and the 2 year old would probably stay at a hotel nearby, since the amount of room in our city dwelling is limited. I thought that was a great idea.

And then my mom intervened. "No, your brother has PLENTY of room. Y'all need to spend quality time together. And you'll only be there a couple days. It will be good for everyone to be close." Thanks, Mom. This isn't Good Times, nor are we The Waltons. I'm like, "Fine, Mom. But she and her husband are sleeping in my bed, cuz you do know what happens in that bed, right?" I get a certain satisfaction from putting my republican brother in-law in there. Tee hee.

The keyword is quality. Their family is used to a rather large suburban house with lots of rooms. This will be traumatic for them. The last time my older nephew was here, he referred to our place as a prison cell, cuz of the bars on the windows, or maybe he said that, cuz of one of the videos he found.

And of course, the entire place needs to be de-sexed and kiddie proofed before then. I have visions of the two year old running around screaming with a double-donged dildo (not mine!) he may or may not stumble upon.

I have nothing planned for all of us to do, so this should be interesting.

Posted by durban bud at 12:15 AM | Comments (10)

January 14, 2007

Land of the Misfit Toys

A group of us went to the Leather Mart Saturday afternoon. I may or may not have bought something. I did stumble upon these items. I'm not sure what they are used for.

From there, Rob, me, Tos & E ventured to Jimbo's for cheese curds. Bubala & Mumi were there. Mumi refused to show off his leather gear, but you can check out the sexy man here.

Blowoff was packed and smoke-free! I was such a happy camper. The joint was sold out. Music was great. Mens were hot. Lots of whores.

All the blogger boys were there. And after a year and a half of cyber-crushing, I finally met Mr. Bartender. I may or may not have kissed him. And his boyfriend. But I'm not telling.

Somehow someone managed to get me to take off my shirt. Briefly.

Someone peed in a water bottle that looked just like my water bottle. I almost drank it, but luckily noticed it was warm and yellow tinted. My bottle was right next to it and nice and cold. I think I know who left the bottle there, and I will be speaking to him about water bottle and urine manners.

I have lots of photos, but I prolly shouldn't post most of them, since some people are in compromising positions. The resolution of all the photos sux donkey dick. Apparently, I had it set at the lowest setting. Here are the G-rated photos, all 4 of them:

Bob

Dumbek, Chrisafer, Dinger

Tomorrow, Pan's Labyrinth!

Posted by durban bud at 03:38 PM | Comments (11)

January 12, 2007

MLK Pride

Martin Luther King is one of the most widely revered figures in American history. He helped shape the American civil rights movement. On April 4, 1968, Dr. King was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee. In 1986, Martin Luther King Day was established as a United States holiday. In 2007, we celebrate that day on January 15th.

So how do we celebrate the long holiday weekend of Dr. King's good deeds? We wear leather harnesses and cockrings and get wicked crazy, of course!

Here are the things I hope to accomplishment this weekend:

* Go to the Leather Mart and shop!
* Pee on someone
* See Pan's Labyrinth!
* No cookie-dough!
* Perform a random act of kindness to a stranger, maybe a rimjob
* Put on jeans, a witty t-shirt and a small leather item and head to Blowoff
* Participate in a gay leather conga line during one of Bob's sets
* Don't grab anything that's not mine
* Breathe in the crisp, smoke-free air at the 9:30 Club, while noticing a fresh hint of BO
* Take lots of photos!
* Pass no judgment
* Get fisted Call my mom
* Play duck, duck, goose with gay bloggers
* Email Jake
* See Children of Men
* Limit the amount of jokes using the word "Crisco"
* Get all excited about the Golden Globes on Monday
* Praise Martin

I may not be able to accomplishment any of those items, though, thanks to Manhattan Furball. He is infecting several people in the DC area with his chronic phlegm inducing coughs. Four people in my vicinity have already been infected and bedridden, and I am showing signs of his wickedness. He needs to be quarantined, like the Boy in the Bubble. If you are coming down with a respiratory illness, it's likely he has coughed on you or someone you know. If you see this health hazard, please spray Lysol and run. This has been a public service announcement.

Posted by durban bud at 12:28 AM | Comments (11)

January 11, 2007

dBud Stud: Matt Rogers

So I'm watching this new show on the Discovery Channel called "Really Big Things," (which totally wasn't about what I thought it would be), and it's hosted by some guy named Matt Rogers. He's a big, burly bear and very hot. So naturally I go to Discovery's site to do a background check on him.

Turns out he was an American Idol finalist from Season 3. I remember him from that. I always thought he was cute but kinda goofy. He looks a lot better now, especially with the full beard.

Good for him. I would much rather host a show on Discovery than have to join the rat race of the pop music industry. I think it's safe to say if you end up in the top 10 of American Idol, and get some good managers and agents behind you, you can have a decent career. And he's a perfect host for this show.

Sadly, it appears he's straight, and is "married" to a "woman". That's "her" in that photo with him. Whatever, he just hasn't met the right guy yet.

Anyway, check the show out. It's kinda boring, cuz they deal with concrete and big drills and bolts and shit, but watching him is part of the fun.

I'm here to educate you boys and girls on hot mandies. Consider yourself educated today.

Posted by durban bud at 12:57 AM | Comments (18)

January 10, 2007

Do These Chaps Make My Butt Look Big?

Oprah just did a show called, "Does My Butt Look Big in These Jeans?" Apparently, there are trained stylists who study this phenomena. She paraded a bunch of women out, to show how the appropriate clothing can give the illusion of a proper ass. It was all well and good, but no men were featured, which is ridiculous. I mean, men look just as retarded in the wrong clothes, and we all know several men who could benefit from this discussion. And I'm sure I'll see a number of them this weekend.

I would be happy to be an Oprah correspondent at all the MAL events. I could do an episode called, "Does This Choke Collar Make My Slave Look Desperate?" or maybe, "Does My Red Hanky Look Better in the Back Pocket of My Wrangler Jeans or My Lee Jeans?" I think her audience would really enjoy that.

I am no fashion expert by any means, but I do know the following:

Dad Jeans are a big no-no. We've all heard of Mom Jeans; well, the same rule applies to men. This usually affects men in their late thirties to mid-fifties. They don't really care that they've packed on a few pounds, so they'll continue to wear the same pair of Levi's or Gap carpenter jeans they bought 15 years earlier. Their little fanny pack is on full display in these jeans, and by fanny pack, I mean hernias.

Secondly, you should never spend over $100 for a pair of jeans. There is no need, unless Dolce & Gabbana are sewing them specifically for you. Ridiculously-priced designer jeans look silly on anyone, but even worse on guys over 20. You will definitely get attention in them, but it's not for the reasons you would like. It usually signifies you've just come out and are now trying to recapture some semblance of your misspent years, or worse, you're a realtor. Twinks can usually pull it off cuz no one looks at them anyway (except for priests and guys named Warren). Rust-colored Diesel jeans with rhinestones might look good on Monday but they will be out by Thursday. Save your money. Of course, there are exceptions but I have yet to find one.

If you are going to wear chaps this weekend, please make sure you are not a nassatall.

A nassatall is someone with no ass at all. No junk in the trunk. No cushion for the pushin'. Not even a little. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Chaps on nassatalls only accentuate the tail bone, and really, who wants to see that?

Speaking of junk in the trunk, some woman called into Talk Sex with Sue Johanson the other night and asked, "My boyfriend told me that you can get a bigger butt by doing it doggiestyle a lot; is that true?" God, I love that show!

Anyway, this weekend is going to be interesting. I shall bring my camera to document all the hot mens and hot nots. Be on the look out!

Posted by durban bud at 12:08 AM | Comments (9)

January 09, 2007

Paul's Bunyan

Some of my friends lead such decadent lives, and sometimes I tag along, in the background.

The other night I attended a party thrown by a popular national news correspondent for a major network. As everyone was schmoozing, I stood by the food, grazed a bit, and imagined myself with a microphone, giving a play by play of the evening, in a very animated, excited way. I almost did it, but I thought people might think I was weird.

The party was full of the beautiful people, even the straight guys looked good! There were several beards in attendence, and I mean that in both senses.

Last night I attended another fabulous party thrown by Sally, with special guests, Manhattan Furball and the Rob.

Since it was a realtor party, I invited Jimbo, without telling him what it was for. Tee hee.

Facial beards have hit the realtor community, so you know what that means: their value will start going down.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying this trend. Many of these formerly smooth guys look better with some scruff. There were even a few guys there who I wanted to show some of my property to. Ba-da-boom.

Homer pointed out this article in the Times about the beard trend and how it is spreading like anal warts. For the record, I grew my beard a year and a half ago, before it was cool, cuz, y'know, I AM a trendsetter. So it's time to shave it.

Anyway, all the cool people were there. I saw Tos and his gay lover, E, and Bob and Clickboo and a startled Jimbo.

It was a great time. Good food. Good friends. Good people. It's times like these when I love my city.

"OMG! OMG! Here, you purse your lips, and I'll purse my lips!"

"OMG! OMG! Okay, now let's do your face!"

Posted by durban bud at 12:25 AM | Comments (9)

January 06, 2007

dBud Stud: Angus Scrimm

Posted by durban bud at 11:05 PM | Comments (5)

January 05, 2007

Signs of the Apocalypse

As I was accidentally rummaging through my nasal dust filter the other morning, I found something troubling: a long, WHITE hair. I always use my fantastic nose hair trimmer, so I'm all, "What the fuck?!?" Evidence here (definitely NSFW).

I believe this was purposely placed there to remind me that Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend is quickly appoaching. To prep for the big event, I planned on working out every day and eating healthier at the start of the New Year, but that all got shot to hell when I somehow consumed an entire package of cookie dough yesterday.

I believe, that too, was purposely placed in the store, to remind me that you don't have to be ripped to attend MAL. So I'll prolly just visit the exhibitor booths at the hotel. Not sure why though; it's usually the same thing every year. And really, how many new things do I really need?

I went to the MAL dance party at Nation last time. Some of these leather guys take the event very seriously. I always feel like I'm intruding since I'm not decked out in full leather gear. Someone told me if I wore a t-shirt that said "POLICE" on it, I should be fine. So I did. I felt like a retard, like I'm some sort of bad ass for implying I'm a cop. The very next guy who walked on the floor had the exact same t-shirt on. By the end of the night, I saw ten guys with the same shirt. It also didn't help that there were actually two REAL cops patrolling the event, snickering at my wannabe-ism.

I do have some, um, outfits; I just don't think I look good in them, especially compared to the hardcore leather gods.

It's funny how we gays enjoy playing dress up from time to time (leather, cowboys, drag, Jimbo). I wonder what causes that. And why leather??? Why not fur, polyester, spandex or hemp? I think it would be cool to have a Mid-Atlantic Super Hero Weekend. We could all be like the Super Friends. I would be Green Lantern.

It's also a sign that I am getting older, and my birthday is coming up. Y'all have 49 more shopping days left! I hope you've been saving up.

I'm sure I'll hit Blowoff that weekend, but what does an aging gay boy stuffed with cookie dough and sprouting white, runaway hairs wear?!?

Rodger thinks the outfit in that photo up there would be appropriate. btw, I think that's Tos.

Posted by durban bud at 11:12 AM | Comments (12)

January 03, 2007

Darkrooms

As I have written before, I studied in Amsterdam one summer for college. Not surprisingly, it was the same year I became a slut.

The majority of people in the study abroad program were already sluts or, at least, further along the route to slutsville than me; I was still a bit naive when it came to human sexuality and its customs. They were so OPEN about everything.

I became fast friends with the other guys. One of the guys was a small, effeminate, Filipino twink: a Filipink, I guess. He was the sluttiest of the bunch, and also the only one in a relationship -- apparently, it was very open.

One afternoon I ran into the Filipink at our housing complex. He was carrying a towel and said he was going to the beach to lay out. I was bored so I asked if I could tag along, not knowing where the hell a beach was in Amsterdam. He gave a disinterested, "okay," so we made our pilgrimage to the beach.

It was about a two mile walk. We reached an area with high grass and trees; it resembled a maze. We were not by the water when he said, "Okay, this is my spot." He put his towel down. I noticed several other guys doing the same thing. He motioned for me to find my spot "over there, somewhere." Huh? We're not going to hang out together and talk? I became nervous. A couple men walked by, naked. Ohhhhhhh.

So I took the hint and found another spot, embarrassed by my ignorance. I was annoyed he didn't tell me exactly what kind of "beach" he was taking me, but then again, I invited myself.

I didn't bring a towel, but I did have my discman, thank god. I sat down, put on my headphones and watched, as men circled around, naked, on the prowl. It was all very strange to me. It was reminiscent of that scene from Halloween when Dr. Loomis and the nurse stumble upon Michael Meyers and a group of escaped mental patients, wandering around a field with their hospital gowns on.

A nice man rode by me on a bike and disappeared. A few minutes later, he circled back and stopped in front of me. "Why are you dressed?" "Um, I dunno. I'm just here to watch." "Sure you are." He introduced himself, asked where I was staying, and offered to take me back to his place, since it was close to our apartments. A free ride and a blow job? I'm in! I hopped on the back of his bike and off we went. As we rode by the Filipink, I gave him a big wave and said, "Ssssssee ya later, bitch!" I was proud I scored first since I was such a novice.

A group of us would venture out nightly to some bar, drink, maybe do some hash, and head over to something called a "darkroom." I had never heard of darkrooms before, but the boys in the program showed me the light (har har). I have since learned there is a reason they're dark; it's for the very same reason a haunted house lacks light.

It's not something I would normally do, but I was young, excited and in a foreign fucking country -- no one would report on my slutty ways!

I usually stood close to the entrance of the darkroom, so I could catch a glimpse of light on an approaching man's face, cast from the well-lit area of the bar.

I mainly stood there, slapping men's hands when they would grope without permission. I giggled. I observed. I occasionally made frog "ribit" sounds to keep things lively. I did walk-throughs, Stevie Wonder-style. Sometimes there was no talking; other times they would speak in a language I didn't understand, so I would just grunt, cuz they totally understood that.

A Dutch guy approached me and whispered something in my ear. I had no idea what he said, so I was all, "Alstublieft." He's like, "You're American, aren't you?" We chatted and grunted, until I noticed my pants were now down by my ankles.

A bunch of other men circled around us and began fondling. I was in a sea of foreskin and I was the smegma. I knew if someone turned a light on, I would probably vomit. I pulled my pants up, forced my way out of the daisy dick chain, and ran downstairs to get some air and wash my hands.

The next day the guys were teasing me for being so vanilla, and not getting naked at the "beach." The Filipink pipes in, and says, "I don't know why you're so shy; I think you have a nice dick." Eeeeewww, wha-?

"How the hell would you know?"

"Cuz I felt it last night in the darkroom, honey."

And that, my friends, was the last time I've been to a darkroom.

Posted by durban bud at 12:23 AM | Comments (16)

January 02, 2007

dBud Stud: James Lipton

This guy is, hmm, interesting, but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I saw him in my home, cowering in a corner, in the middle of the night. I think it would creep me out. There's something not right going on there; I can't quite put it into words. Luckily, he's straight. I bet he's a master cunnilinguist.

Anyway, if I were on his show and asked what my favorite word is, I think I would say, "Whore," or maybe "Hole." It's a toss-up.

What's yours?

Posted by durban bud at 12:21 AM | Comments (23)

January 01, 2007

The Baby Jesus

Well look who I found chillin' out in Rehoboth for New Year's. It's the li'l Baby Jesus! I tried to pick him up but it appeared Mary had wired him to the manger. No worries, I did notify CPS.

I thought it was interesting how white he looked, almost albino-like. Isn't the li'l Baby Jesus Middle Eastern? Hmmm.

Anyway, he told me what the new phrase for 2007 will be; I'll share it with you later. Teehee.

Posted by durban bud at 10:25 AM | Comments (4)