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March 28, 2007
Complaining Sux Donkey Dick
Some church is giving out free bracelets to remind us not to complain. Isn't that cute? They've already given out over a million.
The head of the church is kinda sexy. Apparently he's married, but my gaydar is telling me otherwise. Tick. Tock.
If I were dating him, I think it would be fun to tie him down with a bunch of those bracelets and lightly snap him with them - in an affectionate and loving manner, of course. And when he would say -- "Stop, it hurts!" -- I would remind him not to complain. It would be hot. And he would like it, eventually.
His safe word would be "Calvary".
Anyway, I ordered a few. I would like to give them to a few people who could probably benefit from their purpose. I won't disclose any names, but you may know some of them. I wonder if we're supposed to wear them on our right or left arm, or maybe both. Hmm.
I, of course, don't need the bracelet. They're fucking purple! And I don't wear fucking purple! Anymore.
Posted by durban bud at March 28, 2007 12:15 AM
Comments
I support any program that keep fundies from speaking!
Posted by: Brian at March 28, 2007 10:16 AM
You are such a riot! "Calvary" made me snort. Well, so did the picture of you in purple, but hey.
Posted by: Raybob at March 28, 2007 10:30 AM
This is so appropriate for the churchies. My Catholic mom, for example. All that woman does is complain, complain, complain! I'm going to get her a bracelet for sure!
Posted by: Bubala at March 28, 2007 10:48 AM
I love every word of this post. I'm saving it for the next time I feel like I'm losing my mind over the conservatives. Then I can just read it and conjure up the image of you and that pastor, with you snapping him with the bracelets, and all will be right with the world again. Why do I need therapy? I'll just keep reading DB.
And that picture is priceless. You are totally rockin that bowl haircut, by the way, and doing the nonchalant thing with the hands in the pockets.
Posted by: Long Story Longer at March 28, 2007 12:11 PM
I need about a truckload of those. Not in purple and not for complaining, but for all the bad habits that I want to break. I could have a blue one that I'd have to switch to my other hand every time that I didn't jerk off at least twice a day. Or a red one that I'd have to switch over every time that I hooked up with a guy who was a lousy kisser.
And then there are all the filthy habits that I want to pick up. I'd need a different color bracelet for each of those. Maybe if I had about fifty of them and could keep them all on my left wrist for twenty-one days, my left arm would get as strong as my right gets from, um, exercise.
Posted by: Teddy at March 28, 2007 01:56 PM
Yikes! You're like Tinky Winky.....not that there's anyting wrong with that.
and yeah - the guy is way gay.
Posted by: Blobby at March 28, 2007 08:55 PM
Mmmm. That would sting. If I, er, I mean HE... didn't stop complaining would you give him a spankin'?
Posted by: Dan at March 29, 2007 03:44 AM
I say we each get one for Hmm Hmm and give one out the next time this person is seen.
Posted by: Carl at March 29, 2007 09:39 AM
I chuckled out loud at two points:
using 'calvary' as a safe word
the picture of you dressed up as the grape from the fruit of the loom ads
Posted by: cb at March 29, 2007 11:31 AM
Are they stretchy rubber? I'll bet they also make nice cockrings.
Posted by: jimbo at March 29, 2007 02:42 PM
What the fuck, how come I didn't get one!
Posted by: joey at March 29, 2007 04:58 PM