« The Best Contestant Ever | Main | The Heritage of a Mutt »
March 15, 2007
One Year, Baby!
So, like, I've been off drugs and the Jesus Juice for a year now. Is that self-righteous and self-indulgent to mention? Probably so, but so is "blogging".
One of the best things about being clean - besides the no hangover thingie and the fresh Downey scent - is that the anniversary allows me to get presents! I had no idea. I got a package from my mom the other day filled with chocolates - to feed my latest addiction. I didn't have the heart to tell her that some of them were filled with rum, but it's the thought that counts.
It seems my whole getting clean experience has set off a popular trend! Many people have asked my opinion on all that - and by 'many' - I mean like one person. Getting clean isn't funny. I can't even imagine what it would be like with a bunch of photographers following you around when you're at rock bottom. If I were Britney -- and I am -- I would taser anyone taking my photo. And then dance.
The deck is only stacked in your favor if you live in a very supportive environment, and, sadly, most people don't. I hear a lot of people gripe, "All they need to do is stop. It's just willpower. Don't they realize how bad this is affecting them?"
If it were only that simple. All common sense goes out the window when your brain wiring is all fucked up from excessive use. After stopping, it takes about a year to get your head back to normal from alcohol abuse and five years from crystal meth use - and that's only if you've used for a relatively short period of time.
I remember staring in the mirror, crying like a little bitch, wondering, "Why do I feel like shit?" Hmm, maybe it has something to do with that little white residue leaking out of your nose or the fact that vodka has replaced the blood running through your veins, causing you to shake it like a Polaroid.
So far, I don't miss it all that much. For me, it just led to too many ugly situations. Sure, there are times when it's a bit awkward -- when everyone is indulging but me -- but I've always been a left of center kind of guy, and I'm cool with continuing the tradition.
People drink as a social lubricant, so what do I do now? I have found that iced tea seems to work just as well. After about 5 or 6, I'm just as annoying as I was when I was drunk! And truthfully, I don't go out much anyway.
The only odd byproduct of all this is my inability to get overly emotional. I'm not so sure that's a good thing. I remember forcing myself to cry at my uncle's funeral last May. It was at that moment when I realized I should consider a profession in the acting arts. It's been about a year since I bawled Swaggart-style. Or maybe I do have a cold, black heart! I should rent Steel Magnolias this weekend to see if that helps. Or maybe Star Wars: Episode 1.
So that's my self-righteous progress report. I'm off to a decent start in the chemically-free world. And I'm still a crazy man-whore-cub-like-creature-thing!
UPDATE: Wow, perfect timing. HBO is launching a 14-part series on addiction tonight at 9:00. The tagline for the show: "Why Can't They Just Stop?" The full schedule is here.
Posted by durban bud at March 15, 2007 04:34 PM
Comments
Never commented on a blog before, but the occasion seemed like a good time to bring me out in the open. Self-righteous and self-indulgent? Hell No! Don't mistake pride when it creeps up, you deserve it. Rock On, brother!
Posted by: Steve at March 15, 2007 04:43 PM
Wow. Congrats to you. I have a great respect for you for doing that. I really have been thinking about going that route as well. I don't do drugs, but wine and me are best friends...
Posted by: Mark at March 15, 2007 04:44 PM
Being clean in the GLBT community is hard to do - pat yourself on the back (or the bum) for a job well done. This is why your blog has become my latest addiction. Your stories are far more interesting than anything I have read online in ages. Please be as self-indulgent as possible. That is when it gets good.
I am glad that you are clean and sober. Just be sure to keep up the crazy-man-whore-cub thing. That rocks.
Posted by: Jim at March 15, 2007 05:03 PM
Wow .. I've only been reading your blog for a few months, and I keep getting more of these little insights. Man .. I feel all warm and fuzzy now - but perhaps that's just the hairs on my arm bristling in the breeze of the aircon here in the office. Either way - a nice start to my Friday :-)
Posted by: Matticus at March 15, 2007 06:04 PM
Congrats! However, by "balled Swaggart-style" are you talking about having sex with a prostitute in a hotel? (I think you meant "bawled"). Next time I'm in DC I'll but you a couple of ice teas.
dBud: Thanks, Homer. Clearly I have other things on my mind. Correction made.
Posted by: homer at March 15, 2007 06:46 PM
Congratulations! I'm going to go and pour a glass of grey goose iced tea and toast to your continued success. Thanks for such a great blog.
Posted by: sandy at March 15, 2007 06:47 PM
I'll get you started on Steel Magnolias.
DRINK YOUR JUICE SHELBY!!!
Posted by: TigerYogi at March 15, 2007 06:54 PM
Congratulations! Drinking and drugging is easy. Being a sober crazy man-whore-cub-like-creature-thing takes a lot of courage and hard work!
Posted by: Herb at March 15, 2007 08:01 PM
Yes! What Herb said! You deserve mad props for pulling off the sober man-whore lifestyle. Harder than it looks, folks.
Posted by: Dagon at March 15, 2007 09:52 PM
Juice is better Durban Bud. Congrats on your one year. I can't believe it's already been a year. Good job.
Posted by: Sarah Spelled the Right Way at March 15, 2007 10:06 PM
Wow, I'm so glad you posted this. I love your candor. Huge congrats and lots of admiration for how strong you are. (And isn't that sweet and so well-intentioned from your mom?!) Thanks also for commenting on the willpower thing. You're one sharp man-whore.
Posted by: Long Story Longer at March 16, 2007 01:14 AM
Congratulations to you, keep up the great job! It's worth it, it truly is.
Steve and Warren
Posted by: Steve and Warren at March 16, 2007 08:28 AM
Congratulations, you get a week-long self-indulgence pass a coupon for a free car wash.
Posted by: Brian at March 16, 2007 08:41 AM
Good Boy.
Posted by: Mike at March 16, 2007 08:46 AM
Yay! Drugs are bad, mkay? But whoring is gooood.
Posted by: Raybob at March 16, 2007 11:52 AM
Congratulations! You deserve to be very proud of this.
Posted by: dumbek at March 16, 2007 12:15 PM
Congrats on the sobriety! And boy, are YOU no fun anymore. Not even Jesus Juice??
Posted by: cb at March 16, 2007 02:25 PM
Over the past few months that I've been reading your blog I'd gathered through hints and stuff that you were a clean livin kind of guy, but I did not know that it was a fairly recent change in your life... thought it was just the way you had always been.
This is a GREAT one year anniversary to celebrate! Congratulations!
Posted by: condoblogger at March 16, 2007 02:48 PM
Congrats on your one year... and if Magnolias can't make you cry, get Beaches or eyedrops... Seriously... congrats, I wish more people had your strength..
Posted by: Kelly at March 16, 2007 10:42 PM
Congratulations! I hit three years this past February 1st, so I understand what you're going through. As my life continues to get better and better, I miss it less and less.
Welcome to life!
Posted by: Michael at March 17, 2007 10:04 AM
It takes no effort what so ever to give into an addiction. However, it takes a supreme effort to overcome it. My respect for you just doubled.
Posted by: moby at March 17, 2007 04:12 PM
Congrats, Good for you man you should be damn proud of yourself for being a year sober. It's a lot of hard work and I am really very proud and inspired by you. I just want to buy you a big ice cream sundae to celebrate.
Posted by: Bald Monkey at March 18, 2007 10:38 PM
Way to go! You should be very proud of yourself. I know I am proud of you. It is not self righteous or self-indulgent at all. Great job.
Posted by: Bubala at March 20, 2007 10:17 AM
You're still the life of the party, ignore "Baby got Back" Jimbo, we always miss you when you're not around. Congratulations.
Posted by: Carl at March 22, 2007 11:22 AM