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March 23, 2007

Stranger with Candy

A month or so ago Joe blogged about his worst sex ever. Many commenters relayed their own horror stories, filled with alcohol and/or feces. I couldn't really think of any that happened to me of that caliber (except for that one "incident," but I've blocked that from my memory).

Most of my one nighters were never very interesting, except for these:

I hooked up with a guy I met at the Green Lantern, when it used to be a sleazy joint, back in the day. I met some hornball, took him home and as we were making gaybies, he looked me deep in the eyes and said - I shit you not - "I love you." Wha-wha-what? I said, "No, you don't. Now keep those legs in the air!" or something. I felt bad for him. He was tragic. But I did score a free trip to Disney World out of it a few months later! Wait - maybe I'm tragic. :(

A better hookup I had was with some guy I saw on the street. It was late, around 2am. I was walking home from a bar. I noticed a guy on the other side of the street. We cruised each other. He motioned for me to follow him. And like a kid being offered cotton candy, I went for it. We didn't talk; I just followed. He lured me back to his place, which was only about a block away. I went in. He turned out to be a butterface, but that feature wasn't what I was interested in. We took our clothes off, without saying anything, except our names. He assumed the position and I made sweet anonymous butt love to him. It was all very Hansel & Gretel-ish and kinda hot. But I made a huge hook-up faux pas: I slept over. Eeeeew. I awoke in the morning from my sugar high, pushed him in the oven and ran the hell out.

In hindsight, it's very odd to do something so intimate with someone you don't know. I was never very good at it. I need passion!

Those stories are probably boring compared to y'all's but that's all I can remember. For now.

Posted by durban bud at March 23, 2007 1:35 AM