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March 18, 2007
The Sssecret
My orally-oriented friend, Josh, called me this morning. He whispered, "Hey, I'm a block away from your place and I have The Sssecret. Wanna know it?" I'm all, "Huh? Why are you whissspering?" "Cuz I have The Sssecret in my pocket and it's a sssecret. I want to show it to you." "Mmm'kay, lemme see The Sssecret." Sssso I buzzed him in.
Sure enough, in his pocket, was The Sssecret. He dislodged it and showed it to me. I grabbed it, stuck it in and pressed play.
Apparently, if you envision things you want and always think positively about it, you will receive it. This energy shoots out from your head and into the universe, disguised as white halo gamma rays or something. How cool is that? But if you're a mega bitch all the time, that energy will only get you anal warts and bad customer service.
I'm cynically optimistic about the whole thing, but, because of my new positive thinking methods, I will have two million dollars, a beach house in Costa Rica, and have banged both Jake Dakota and Dean Coulter by June 30th. Yay, me! The Sssecret is sssuper-duper!
The DVD suggested great minds like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Abraham Lincoln followed the principles of The Sssecret, which is surprising, since they were both shot. I guess they were a couple of Negative Nancies too. But I don't judge.
Anyway, I know The Sssecret! I know The Sssecret. Put that in your positive pipe and sssssmoke it. June is going to be fantastic! For me.
Posted by durban bud at March 18, 2007 11:33 PM
Comments
I found an article about trying to think of three good things at the end of the day. Sometimes I'm pressed to think of one, but I can usually fill the other two slots in with "I like Pepsi," and "I saw a cute guy at the gym."
Posted by: jimbo at March 19, 2007 02:46 AM
SNL did a funny Oprah sketch about the ssSecret the other night...
I will be channeling the winning lotto numbers, world peace, and a thick mat of chest hair.
Oh yes, I will also be channeling a lack of people burping/farting up nasty gas at the next Blowoff too. I guess the cigarette smoke was nasty but it did do something in addition to causing cancer...
Posted by: TOS at March 19, 2007 05:55 AM
Ohhhh Lordy.... I have seen the secret too... and since then, well, I have not gotten two million dollars, and I have not banged any hot porn stars... maybe the secret will work better for you... put I am still thinking positive thoughts... cuz someday good things will happen! (i hope)
Posted by: Kelly at March 19, 2007 07:47 AM
The Sssecret seems to be a lot like the writings of Deepak Chopra. No negative thoughts, positive mental attitued, don't judge others... The last one seems to work well until I leave the house.
Posted by: Dinger at March 19, 2007 09:32 AM
Would wishing to be able to bitchslap the creator of the Secret (and maybe continuing the slap followthrough to include Oprah) be considered 'negative engergy' or 'positive energy'?
Posted by: cb at March 19, 2007 11:19 AM
Plus the whole thing is just repackaged Buddhism... which really chaps my ass. Buddhism was just fine in its 3000 year old version.
Posted by: cb at March 19, 2007 11:20 AM
I love how The Secret is just a rehashing of What The Bleep Do We Know and of Buddhism. Sad thing is that my hubby sees this crap and all the sudden he's walking around being MORE of a Polly Positive then he was before.
Posted by: mark at March 19, 2007 01:53 PM
I hope this doesn't misfire and you end up getting banged by North Dakota and Ann Coulter instead.
Posted by: Huntington at March 19, 2007 04:01 PM
(Great comment from Huntington.)
This post is fucking hilarious. I admit that I don't know much about this whole thing, but I can't stand this kind of crap. I loved a comment I read in Newsweek yesterday (from a letter to the editor): "Perhaps we can airlift 'The Secret' to people in Darfur and they can imagine they aren't being slaughtered. What nonsense."
Posted by: Long Story Longer at March 19, 2007 04:14 PM
This is the first I've heard of the ssSecret. Is it some sort of Oprah/Dr. Phil bullshit?
Posted by: Jeff at March 19, 2007 04:18 PM
Nobody told me about the Sssssecret and now I feel all bad inside :(
Posted by: homer at March 19, 2007 07:14 PM
my ssssecrit is i think your hot and you turn me on. kin I be after Jake and Dean, or is that just being desperate?
No I haven't had any bong hits, although I would offer them to Jesus and then freely advertise that I did so in front of my school ('course I gradiated 20 years ago so it might not have quite the same legal repercussssssions).
Posted by: Dan at March 20, 2007 12:53 AM
Love the "bong hits 4 jesus shirt." And the picture of your backside. Could not find any naked photos of you though. Bugger.
Posted by: Kiwi at March 20, 2007 01:43 AM
Hey, I don't want to bring y'all down and I'm not about to endorse the Ssssecret, it seems like it's all rooted in helping people amass more material bullshit, but I will say this. I was sucked into the wave of "creative visualization" about 15 years ago, thinking about how you'd like to see yourself and your life, and I gotta tell you, it changed my mind about what was possible and it's been pretty fuckin' good...I'm just sayin'
Posted by: Steve at March 20, 2007 07:14 AM
Josh and I discussed the pros and cons of The Sssecret when it was over. If something works for you and it isn't hurting anyone in the process, then more power to you. Truthfully, I've applied principles of the Ssssecret to my life for years, without giving it a name. And it seemed to really work... until I ended up in rehab. :(
Posted by: durban bud at March 20, 2007 05:39 PM
The Secret confuses me. Isn't it basically WISHING?
Posted by: Foxy at March 21, 2007 01:59 AM
I don't get it. Is it like EST?
Posted by: Carl at March 22, 2007 11:20 AM
Ha! I came here to make a joke about Ann Coulter, but I see I've been beaten to the punch by Huntington.
I'll keep this in mind, the next time I smoke the 'happy hookah'.
Posted by: Rolando Garza at April 4, 2007 11:38 AM