« A Life Lesson | Main | Most Livable Cities »
April 25, 2007
The Tragic National Zoo
Once again I got suckered into a family outing at the tragic National Zoo.
Here are some photos of the animals from my excursion:
The conditions at the zoo are abysmal, at best, and the few animals that showed their faces looked like Farrah Fawcett from The Burning Bed, only furrier. They looked beaten down, emaceated and depressed.
A number of the larger animals (bear, lion and elephants) all behaved in a non-stop back and forth pacing manner -- reminiscent of Holocaust concentration camps, where victims were forced to move rocks from one place to another, and then back again. I get that they're extremely bored, but this behavior leans more towards a brain disorder from a lack of something.
They're currently rebuilding an area for the elephants, which is great, but, for some reason, the elephants are still there, and the giraffes are gone. They shipped the giraffes off to the Tampa Zoo during the construction - I wonder how the hell you transfer a giraffe all the way to Florida. What kind of container do you put them in? Wouldn't they bump their heads on a highway bridge? And you know when they're ready to bring them back to the National Zoo, the giraffes are gonna be all, "Bitch, I ain't goin' back to Auschwitz."
I did manage to see an orangatan -- I learned the correct spelling is actually orang utan. I did not know that. I thought I would mention that before a certain pretentious gay blogger points it out. Anyway, he or she got its face very close to the cage, barfed something red and started eating it, using a stick as a spoon. They're very efficient with tools, y'know.
A number of animals died in the zoo from 1999-2004, which led to the appointment of a new director. Someone posted this to the Wikipedia entry about the zoo: "In 2005, the National Zoo appointed a new director, John Berry. Under his brief tenure, political celebrities such as Bill Frist (R-Tenn) and Senator Stevens (R-Alaska) have been seen regularly touring the zoo." No wonder the animals are depressed; idiots with bad toupees are patrolling their hood.
The National Zoo is one of the oldest zoos in the country and the conditions reflect that, but, in the best interest of the animals, maybe it's time for a complete overhaul. Send the animals to a happier zoo for a year and start over. Start charging an entrance fee to pay for it. It will prevent your nieces and nephews from asking, "Why are there no animals at the zoo?"
One animal I did see, that's not dead yet, is a meerkat. They're much smaller than they appear on Meerkat Manor!
Posted by durban bud at April 25, 2007 10:26 PM
Comments
Hilarious photos.
Posted by: Long Story Longer at April 26, 2007 07:32 AM
BWAAAHAAAHAAA!
Funny stuff...you crack me up.
I agree with you on the zoo though...I find it depressing and boring. Definitely needs a major overhaul.
Posted by: Mike at April 26, 2007 08:51 AM
Your post made me sad. I hate zoos- even though I know that in some cases a zoo represents the best way to preserve an animal species.
But cages are just cruel. The worst is seeing gorillas just sitting in a cage, staring at you. You KNOW they get it.
Posted by: cb at April 26, 2007 09:18 AM
You just reminded me of a habit I had in college of adding "AND... thenationalzoo." to the end of sentences.. mimicing the announcements of Metro conductors.. "Woodly Park.. AND... thenationalzoo."
I'm pretty sure this was funnier in a mildly retarded and perpetually stoned state.
Kill me.
Posted by: Paul at April 26, 2007 09:26 AM
Reminds me of the time my bf and I went to the zoo. The only good thing about that trip was we saw baby flamingos. Otherwise there wasn't much to see. So we went to the Uptown and saw "Seabiscuit". That should give you an idea of how long the National Zoo has sucked.
Posted by: Monkeyboy at April 26, 2007 09:29 AM
Guess I wont be going to the Zoo in my upcoming trip to DC LOL
Posted by: Ken at April 26, 2007 09:39 AM
They have animals other than the pandas?
Posted by: dumbek at April 26, 2007 09:45 AM
But alas, there *is* a furry animal in that 4th picture. Kind of a transparent-looking, furry mammal holding a camera. Almost as cuddly as the meerkat. Cute little fuckers (the mammal and the meerkat).
Posted by: Andrew at April 26, 2007 09:46 AM
The correct spelling is also "emaciated." The good news is that Jake Dakota apparently has a new movie out.
Posted by: Aaron at April 26, 2007 09:47 AM
So having a certain species in a zoo guarantees their continued survival. Know what? There's worse things than dead. I HATE the zoo...man's inhumanity at it's worst. god I hate zoos.
Posted by: Tom at April 26, 2007 10:42 AM
Alternate bubble for Mr. Meer: "Despite all my rage, I am still just a kat in a kage."
Posted by: Huntington at April 26, 2007 12:19 PM
I've visited DC and lived here for 7 plus years and never made it. I fear that there will be two tourists from the flatlands exiting at the same time and they'll wedge themselves in the gates, trapping me inside.
Posted by: Carl at April 26, 2007 01:13 PM
I'm not a big believer in zoos generally, but some are better than others, the National Zoo not being one of the better ones. Since the first time I saw it, I always hated the National Zoo. Having grown up taking field trips to the Bronx Zoo maybe I was spoiled but the national zoo always depressed me. especially the Gorilla House or whatever they call it. I say raze the place and start over. Or just scrap it all together and let rock creek park reclaim the space.
Posted by: stina at April 26, 2007 01:15 PM
Maybe if they weren't sending $1.3 million a year to China for butterstick and his parents, they'd have some cash to spruce the place up...
Posted by: Jim at April 26, 2007 01:28 PM
Isn't that weird? The meerkats' size is a wonder: they're huge on my big TV, but small on my small one! And they're absolutely teeny tiny in a thumbnail photo! Who knew that they were masters of disguise like that? They're sort of like penises!
Posted by: Raybob at April 26, 2007 01:54 PM
At the Milwaukee Zoo, I once saw an elephant stick his truck into another elephant's butt and pull out poop. Who knew they were into fisting?
Posted by: Sarah Spelled the Right Way at April 26, 2007 03:22 PM
You got 'orang-utan' right but you spelled 'emaceated' wrong.
"John Basedow is an emaciated freak."
I did a paper on the National Zoo crisis. It was so bad they named an entirely new type of crisis after it, called a "lingering crisis." Sorta like if 9/11 went on every week for a year.
DB: Thanks, Jimbo - but Miss Gay New Jersey 2007 Spelling Bee Champion, Aaron, has already pointed out the correct spelling of imaseeated.
Posted by: jimbo at April 26, 2007 04:33 PM
Dammit. Miss Gay New Jersey 2007 Spelling Bee Champion always beats Miss Gaye Wisconsin.
Posted by: jimbo at April 26, 2007 08:31 PM
Where are Graff and Siggy when you need them? Oh wait, that didn't end too terribly well for the animals. Never mind.
Posted by: sandy at April 27, 2007 11:33 AM
That is sad.
I saw some Meerkats in Florida and I was surprised how small they were. Funny how TV distorts your view of everything.
I'm sure if I'd seen a documentary on Fire Ants and then seen them in real life I'd say "Wow, who knew ants were that small, they look HUGE on TV."
Posted by: Michael at April 27, 2007 02:24 PM