« Providence | Main | Money Laundering »
May 8, 2007
Carrie Underwood Promotes Vandalism
While at the car rental place the other day, some woman with a thick Boston accent had the audacity to say, "We have a number of PT Cruisers available if you would rather rent one of those cahs." What a bitch. Do I look like I would drive a hearse? I just glared at her, hoping she'd realize the error of her ways. Eventually she did.
We got into our normal car and began our tour of New England. I did something I haven't done in years; I listened to the radio. Apparently, there are only about 5 artists out right now. It's no wonder regular radio is on its way out. Here is what can be found at any given moment on the radio: Akon, Pink, Justin Timberlake, Nelly Furtado, Gwen Stefani and Carrie Underwood. Within two minutes, I heard Carrie's song playing on 4 different stations. It gave me time to listen to her lyrics:
"And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats.
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires.
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats."
Someone needs some anger management classes. Wasn't her last song some Christian inspirational ditty called, "Jesus Take the Wheel Cuz I've Had Too Many Wine Coolers" or something? Now she's encouraging vandalism. What would Jesus think? Would you key his sandals if he did you wrong? Whore.
A couple other lines:
"He's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey." Cuz "shooting whiskey" is so sexy. Lush.
"She's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke." You've just defined yourself while insulting your entire audience -- though they won't understand that.
She's a future Proactiv spokesperson who's causing damage to millions of trucks, SUVs, and PT cruisers around the country. Someone needs to stop this Walmart-loving egomaniac.
I'll probably download her song later today.
Posted by durban bud at May 8, 2007 7:50 AM
Comments
You can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile. Thanks for the morning giggle.
Posted by: Steve at May 8, 2007 9:50 AM
Dude... you have to listen to Amy Winehouse's "REHAB" song! It is the SHIT! It is going to be huge in the gay community. I posted a few of her videos on my blog. She is someone I am now worshipping.
Posted by: brettcajun at May 8, 2007 9:53 AM
Oh great: "REHAB" is now synonymous with the gay community. Thanks Brett. Now where did I put my dime bag 'o Tina...
DB: You left it in the glove compartment of your PT Cruiser.
Posted by: jimbo at May 8, 2007 10:18 AM
I love that song...Before he cheats!
Posted by: patrick at May 8, 2007 11:51 AM
Nobody does pop culture like you do.
Posted by: Teddy at May 8, 2007 12:45 PM
I paid $15 extra for my rental car last weekend just to get a PT Cruiser. Why am I the only one that loves them??? I was hoping for the wood panel on the side but that one was gone. We settled for green.
Posted by: dan at May 8, 2007 3:03 PM
I hope someone key's Carrie's faux Louis Vuitton purse. What is "radio", by the way?
They're already playing "Rehab" at JR's. Of course. The video is lush and the entire album is great.
Posted by: Carl at May 8, 2007 4:59 PM
tj... i love how hard you make me laugh.... i can hear your delivery too. you seriously are one of the funniest people i know.
what a great way to end my day.
Posted by: pam at May 8, 2007 10:45 PM
Eh- I'd still fuck her.
Posted by: cb at May 9, 2007 8:50 AM