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May 28, 2007
Do You Wanna Be a Cauliflower Bride?
Just got back from the beach. We left like 6 hours ago. Why is there one fucking road to Rehoboth? I realize construction is happening to open it to two lanes, but that will take years. Can't someone give helicopter rides so we can bypass all that nonsense? Anyway, I'm never traveling on a holiday again.
Weekend was pretty damn awesome. Our hosts -- who we met in a hot tub two years ago -- were very generous with us - even cooking all the meals! And the others staying there were just as lovely. We got to hang with this big lug of a bear, originally from West Virginia - raised Pentacostal! So we had some great growing up stories to share.
Here's what I know:
I finally met a foot fetishist! He said I have nice feet, which is surprising, cuz I haven't cut my toe nails in like 2 months. He wants to give me a foot rub. He promised not to jizz on them, so I'm totally up for it.
I hung out with a thruple! Naturally I had lots of questions, and they answered all of them. I suppose thruples look something like this.
I also found out that when you meet drunk gay guys for the first time, they kiss you on the lips when saying goodbye.
Gay couples from West Virginia have very large rings.
I met a really HOT chubby chaser. He was with his boyfriend.
I learned a couple new terms. "Baltimore conch" is the new "manpussy" for those from that region. I realize that's vulgar. I'm sorry. I'll stop.
Cauliflower hole is a term applied to guys who have overused that particular orafice, and y'all know exactly what I'm referring to. Ew.
Please fell free to use these terms, while at your cubicle today.
The hot-tubbers have an outdoor shower, which is fantastic! Rob took some photos while I was using it, with shampoo in my eyes. I'm not going to post them. I don't want this site to turn into one of those blogs, and, really, y'all don't need to see that. Ugh.
Went to the Double L
Can you tell, by the smell?
We had to buy Kwell
cuz we went to the Double L
I saw a guy who looked like Norman Fell
In a nutshell, it was swell
How swell
His T-shirt said, More Cowbell
The ocean water was freezing but I still managed to get in to relieve myself. There were porpoises swimming just a few feet from me. I considered grabbing one of their fins and riding it, but didn't, cuz I thought people would think I was weird.
Anyway, we had a blast. And we'll be going back there in a few weeks. I promise to take lots of pics. Please let me know if you own a helicopter. Thanks.
Posted by durban bud at May 28, 2007 10:14 PM
Comments
Cauliflower hole? Hmmmm....I think I will stick with the more traditional phrase...popping a rosebud!
I may start using Baltimore conch...but not at work...we have been having some problems with people speaking appropriately at the office the last few weeks.
Posted by: Chris at May 29, 2007 12:52 PM
Miss my outdoor shower - loved it. And I bet you have beautiful feet.
Posted by: Raybob at May 29, 2007 01:32 PM
I think that route to Rehobeth (and all the others along that strip) has been like that forever. I grew up going to Rehobeth, Bethany and Ocean City since the 70s and they have said they are going to widen the road since then.
Posted by: Brian at May 29, 2007 02:00 PM
I have heard so many great things about Rehoboth beach. I want to go one day. Yes... please post more pics of yourself. You CAN be one of THOSE bloggers. Come to the darkside TJ. ;)
Posted by: brettcajun at May 29, 2007 02:02 PM
maybe they want to keep the traffic away?
DB: Maybe, but instead, they are getting a bunch of SUVs and PT Crusiers stuck on their roads, in front of their houses, for hours. So if they need to run to the store for milk, toilet paper or lube, they are fucked.
Posted by: tim at May 29, 2007 02:17 PM
You always make me laugh.
Posted by: homer at May 29, 2007 02:23 PM
Just have to bite the bullet and leave extremely late or extremely early... short of a chopper you don't have much choice, except finding another beach... I hear the p street beach is lovely this time of year ;-)
Posted by: TOS at May 29, 2007 04:44 PM
You could just learn to fly and drag yourself out there over the silly bridge people.
Posted by: copperred at May 29, 2007 05:19 PM
Ah, the outdoor shower. I remember that. It's awesome. I have to wonder though. If you were out there, naked in the shower, why was Rob taking pictures? He should have been in the shower naked with you.
Posted by: Bubala at May 29, 2007 06:40 PM
yep..taking me up on the foot massage???
woof...time and place..and I'm there.
-S
DB: I forgot that you're a foot fetishist too! Holy shit. I can get two foot rubs now! My pinky toe is erect just thinking about this. Maybe this weekend? No jizz, please. Thanks.
Posted by: hairy bear at May 29, 2007 08:15 PM
Hello? Oh yes, we need to see those pics. Let your public be the judge. :)
Posted by: David at May 29, 2007 09:57 PM
Thank you for the laughs. Very entertaining, and the content made me laugh out loud. Great writing.
Out of some sick curiosity, I Googled Alexyss Tylor. She doesn't mean to be funny, and she is a total vaginal mess. My vote is for Alexyss Tylor in 2008. Hilarious.
Posted by: TedBear at May 30, 2007 02:54 AM
You peed on the porpoises? Another of your fetishes we didn't know about.
Posted by: Jeff at May 30, 2007 08:11 AM
I love Baltimore Conch. Hot!
Posted by: patrick at May 30, 2007 08:57 AM
So what's the deal with Rehoboth? I mean it ain't the same since the Boathouse burned (yeah, I know; it was in Dewey - yada yada). You can have way more fun on the Eastern Shore if you know where to look. No, it's not all that gay. Unless you go to Rock Hall where Tallulah Bankhead is buried. What? Who's Tallulah Bankhead??? Nevermind. Kids these days. When I was young we made our own fun.
Posted by: zinc at May 30, 2007 11:41 AM
Glad to hear you had fun at the beach... sorry I didn't get to see you.
Once you get over the bridge, there are several ways to avoid sitting in a backup and keep on moving, although last weekend Jeff and I had to ride several dirt roads to do so. :)
Posted by: tom at May 30, 2007 01:05 PM
Post the shower photos! I want to see that cauliflower thing.
Posted by: Aaron at May 30, 2007 06:40 PM
Glad you and Rob had a great time!!! See you in a few weeks
Posted by: Donn at May 30, 2007 08:58 PM
Instead of "manpussy" I'm partial to "mussy," as in, "My mussy's on fire." From the new Gay Pimp song, some drag queen says that line like she's some diva. It's hilarious...
Posted by: erquirk at May 30, 2007 09:01 PM