« Horny Hypocrites | Main | Providence »
May 02, 2007
The Perfect Wedding Gift
I don't usually buy wedding presents. That's probably why I'm rarely invited to such events. The fact that I'm wearing a suit is a present in itself, I think. Wedding gifts should be given with a probationary period of time rule. If the marriage lasts for five years, then you can keep the Crate and Barrel gift card. If not, you must return it immediately when your divorce is finalized.
But that's now going to change.
A delicious dessert spotted by the blog blog via Dan Savage will be my customary wedding gift from now on. Nothing says congratulations on your lifetime commitment better than a chocolate anus. It's memorable, original and appropriate.
It's too late to get this for the wedding I'm attending on Saturday -- the store says they are not taking any more orders until October -- but I'm told I have a year from the wedding date to get them their present.
I'm bummed I didn't think of this idea first. I suppose I could still do my own variation and call it Butt Munch. I could add a creamy caramel center, or maybe some crushed nuts along the delicate folds, or maybe some tiny fruit balls to simulate hemmorhoids or something. The possibilities are endless!
I wonder whose hole was molded to create the design. I could probably get plaster casts from some popular bloggers to help drive my sales. You could choose a hole to your liking: the Copperred hole, the Bob Mould hole, the Homer hole, and, of course, the Jimbo hole -- although one bite into that chocolate produces a burst of bitter flavors, yet still very tasty. Sales would go through the roof!
If any venture capitalists are interested, please email me.
Posted by durban bud at May 2, 2007 12:49 AM
Comments
Thanks so much for the link. You have a great blog!
Posted by: WiseBlood at May 3, 2007 10:29 AM
Mine would be filled with vanilla cream, made from real Tahitian vanilla and organic cream from happy cows.
Posted by: Carl at May 3, 2007 10:43 AM
Don't lie, TJ -- we know you didn't get the item through Dan Savage-via-BlogBlog. We all know you got it while looking at Fleshbot yesterday instead....
Posted by: Rob at May 3, 2007 10:46 AM
Sounds like a hit. But you don't want plaster. You want a food-grade latex. More comfortable for your business partners and better for unmolding the chocolate.
Posted by: Teddy at May 3, 2007 01:32 PM
Why isn't my dairy aire up for plaster status? How about my front?
Posted by: brettcajun at May 3, 2007 01:48 PM
You are so deliciously twisted.
Posted by: Raybob at May 3, 2007 01:58 PM
Rob. Good eye. We actually tipped Fleshbot as well.
Posted by: WiseBlood at May 3, 2007 03:58 PM
Hmmm fleshbot, one site I don't think I've looked at yet...
Posted by: TOS at May 3, 2007 06:32 PM
Well I know what I am giving this wedding season! Martha stewart says "it's a good thing"
I wounder when they are comming out with the new feltching flavor. Cadberry eat your heart out!
Posted by: joseph at May 3, 2007 08:32 PM
My hole is tasty!
Posted by: homer at May 4, 2007 12:24 AM
Mine would be made of milk chocolate of course, but the mildly bitter taste probably makes it Dark Special chocolate.
This week I'm afraid it would be either filled with nougat or a syrupy texture. I'm feeling a bit under the weather down under.
Posted by: jimbo at May 4, 2007 02:05 AM
Mmmmm... I can see the commercials now. "Hey! You got your chocolate in my butthole!" "You got your butthole in my chocolate!" Chocolate and buttholes: Two great tastes that taste great together.
Posted by: Bubala at May 4, 2007 10:06 AM
euuwwwwwww.
what a funny stocking stuffer....
go check your myspace comment....
Posted by: pam at May 4, 2007 01:10 PM
Nasty!
Posted by: Mike at May 4, 2007 05:39 PM
Consider a line with finely shaved and toasted coconut sprinkled about. I know a great model for that one.
Posted by: joe at May 4, 2007 05:47 PM
I can just see it now, different varieties of chocolate butt-holes:
The JIMBO HOLE: pure vanilla
The HOMER HOLE: super crunchy
The BRETT HOLE: the largest size we make
etc.
Posted by: Jeff at May 4, 2007 06:15 PM
Godiva makes these wonderful raspberry filled "chocolate starfish'. They can sub in a pinch!
Posted by: cb at May 4, 2007 06:27 PM
I'm just saddened by the fact that Valentine's Day has already passed. Maybe next year. ;)
Posted by: David at May 6, 2007 03:40 PM
Just wanted to update you that the store is now accepting orders!! Check it out: http://www.theblogblog.net/?p=471
Posted by: WiseBlood at June 8, 2007 12:06 AM