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June 19, 2007
Hell is for Children
Had a fantastic time with the hot-tubbers and their many friends last weekend in Rehoboth.
While out at a bar called the Double L, I was approached by a drunk 21-year-old punk rocker, wearing an anti-Bush t-shirt and spandex pants with a thick studded belt. He was Pat Benatar, the early years.
Pat: Yo, you look really familiar.
Me: Hmmm. I don't think we've met.
Pat: I know you from somewhere, dude.
Me: I have a blog. Maybe you've seen my photo there?
Pat: Ew. I don't read blogs. Do you have a Big Muscle Bears profile?
Me: No.
Pat: Oh, I know, I know! You look like this 42-year-old I met here last week. He was pretty hot for a guy at this bar.
Me: Hell is for children.
Pat: What?
Me: Nevermind.
Pat: I had a blast at IBR this year.
Me: Is that what you get before IBS?
Pat: No way, dude! It's the International Bear Rendezvous! I fisted 2 hot guys there.
Me: Wow, I didn't need to know that. You're awfully young to be tweakin' the intestines.
A friend we were with gave Pat his phone number.
We spent a lot of time with an interesting bloke who's into feet. I have a nickname for him, but he told me it would be inappropriate to tell others. So I'll just refer to him as Sanjaya, instead. By the way - he gave me a non-sexual foot rub and it was delicious.
Sanjaya has a fascinating sex life. He has a glory hole in his basement. He carved a hole in a wardrobe he bought from Ikea, I guess. Glory holes are really just an adult version of peek-a-boo, aren't they? So remember that next time you play that little game with an infant, cuz you're really just prepping him for kinky sex games. Pig.
Sanjaya has many interesting stories of his sexploits with married men. He was approached by a married couple who wanted him to make butt love to the husband while the wife watched. They were at a hotel -- Sanjaya was doing the husband on one bed, while the wife ate potato chips and watched TV on the other. Occasionally she would look over and say, "Fuck him harder" -- while chomping on her chips.
Also, if someone says, "Do you have a little surprise in there for me?" -- while performing analingus on you -- it's a good idea to call it a night.
There is a whole other world out there that you and I don't know about. Well, maybe you do, but I don't. So it's good to ask questions.
We're running with the shadows of the night, y'all.
Posted by durban bud at June 19, 2007 09:37 PM
Comments
I’m always amazed at what people will say to you in a bar. Apparently, a lot of people mistake friendly chat while in line for a drink as an opportunity to share their more interesting hobbies with complete strangers. There was a period of time when I was frequently asked if I would mind pissing in an empty beer bottle by some random guy into recycling. Once a guy told me he really liked to go deep when he performs analingus because “that’s where the good flavors are”. Klassy.
You’re right there is a whole other world out there….but baby take my hand it will be alright!
Posted by: Chris at June 19, 2007 10:58 PM
I would have been like "run todo run!"
No matter how twisted one is, there is ALWAYS someone worse! A sad fact of life it seems.
Posted by: moby at June 20, 2007 12:29 AM
Last week-end I was with some friends I've known quite a while and we were looking at some x-tube vids with a pc hooked up to their new plazma tv. disclaimer--I'm not recommending you try this at home-- We first started with just regular conventional sex vids (that's where I normally live-- I know-- ho-hum). Then we moved to felching (sp?), then to, and this takes a strong mental tolerance to watch let alone do-- channeling. One guy there actually has a whole channeling "kit" and as I was contorting and explicating on the couch, told me that it was really actually great-feeling and that he would bring it to the next party and guide me through the process. He was really cute so I said okay, but NO WAY MAN! I ain't goin no were nears that disturbing practice!
Seriously what the... why... is it just all about finding ourselves--through self mutilation????
DB: What is channeling?
Posted by: Dan at June 20, 2007 01:25 AM
Still my hero.
Posted by: sandy at June 20, 2007 05:19 AM
Channeling? Feltching? What does it all mean Moby??? huh???
Posted by: tom at June 20, 2007 09:31 AM
Indifference is the new threshold of intimacy.
Posted by: Aaron at June 20, 2007 09:37 AM
Pat: I had a blast at IBR this year.
Me: Is that what you get before IBS?
I love it, I will never hear someone proudly discuss IBR without mentally picturing IBS again.
Posted by: Herb at June 20, 2007 10:15 AM
channeling? i shudder but i think i might know
Posted by: tim at June 20, 2007 10:29 AM
You're such a heartbreaker!
And seriously, channeling? I've heard of a lot of things, including sounding - but channeling? Is that when you sit around and watch "Vibes" with Cyndi Lauper and Jeff Goldbloom?
Posted by: stebbins at June 20, 2007 10:33 AM
Channeling? Does that have something to do with deseased Porn Stars or something?
I have a very studly friend who is way into sounding. he gave me a demo via webcam while I was in Iraq. It was fun to see the steel rod go up and down (and in) as he squeezed his cock like a chewtoy, but even though I'd get pierced, i dont think I could do that.
DB: I feel sick.
Posted by: Chad at June 20, 2007 11:26 AM
I always love chatting it up with the freaks. It makes me seem more normal and I have something then to blog about during the dry seasons.
Posted by: mark at June 20, 2007 12:09 PM
Channeling: I believe this is made up! I have looked on Urban Diction, Sexis-Lexis, and a google search and I have come up with nothing.
Dan are you sure you have the correct term?
Oh also....sounding is painful...at least for me.
DB: Aaaaaaaaand...there goes my lunch.
Posted by: Chris at June 20, 2007 12:33 PM
We belong to the light, we belong to the thunder.
Posted by: jimbo at June 20, 2007 01:24 PM
dudes you are so right-- it's sounding, not channeling. just goes to show you what a neophyte I am to all this.
Posted by: Dan at June 20, 2007 01:33 PM
Sounding = Sex As A Weapon.
Posted by: johnny at June 20, 2007 01:39 PM
Oh, you poor little country mouse. You should leave discussion of the more erudite sexual practices to the professionals. I'm glad Dan clarified the channeling/sounding matter, though. For a minute, I thought there was something even I hadn't heard of. As if.
Posted by: TED at June 20, 2007 02:07 PM
my apologies for all the confusion, pain, and channeling I may have caused...
and you're welcome to any of you who enjoyed it
Posted by: Dan at June 20, 2007 02:12 PM
At least you get approached by guys. I have to make up stories about getting approached just to have something to blog about...
Posted by: cb at June 20, 2007 04:14 PM
These things never happen to me. Or if they did, they happened to someone else while I was watching. Or something like that.
Posted by: homer at June 20, 2007 06:00 PM
I'd bet a paycheck that most Emergency Room folks know what channeling is. Or sounding. Or whatever those intrepid choose to do. Even P.A.s gross me out. Do what to my where?
Posted by: Bill at June 20, 2007 07:50 PM
does that cat rub a better foot than i do....
you know he doesn't
Posted by: pam at June 20, 2007 10:28 PM
Holy shit... I don't even know what's happening anymore. I know channelling that's not happening, but that's where it stops. Beyond that I have no fucking clue.
Posted by: LOL GAY at June 20, 2007 11:54 PM
Channelling is where you channel the spirit of someone who is not in the room to play with your friend's love channel.
Posted by: gwyneth cornrow at June 21, 2007 09:47 AM
DB...I thought the first name was bad enough but Sanjaya you've got to be kidding me. You are on the border of never getting a foot massage (sexual or otherwise) again! AGHHH!!
I think this is the first time I've made it to a blog, of anyones, scary it is about "Pat Benatar" AND yes, I admit...I was the guy who gave "Pat Benatar" my phone number, life's not all about glory holes.
PS..would have loved to licked your feet too but too many friends around for that! MAYBE over the 4th of July, IF you come up with a better name for me than Sanjaya. Where did THAT come from anyway???
Rob, help??? I'll buy you a purple drink!!
Posted by: Sanjaya at June 21, 2007 02:52 PM
Sounding seems like a metallic and more cruel version of a gonorhhea test - eek!
Posted by: TOS at June 21, 2007 04:13 PM
Please stop using Benatarisms like this. When I see her later this summer, all I'm gonna be able to think about is guys shoving things down their dick.
Posted by: dumbek at June 22, 2007 06:54 AM