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August 27, 2007
Blue Velvet
I dated a guy back in 1995 who told me he "loves" to give massages. I thought for sure I had won the lottery: cute, smart, funny, and he loves to rub my sore, tender, tight muscles. Let's get gay married!
That myth lasted a couple months. I'm convinced he just said that so he could ease me into sodomy. And it totally worked.
Anyway - even though I'm still not getting massages from him - we did celebrate our latest anniversary this past weekend. Apparently there's more to relationships than just back rubs.
Last week I watched a movie called Disturbia on DVD. About halfway through the movie, I thought to myself, what is in a Red Velvet cake that makes it red? So I googled it. Turns out it's just red food coloring.
I have an idea! I'll change it up and make a Blue Velvet cake in honor of our impending analversary.
So I did my best Homer and baked a cake. Truthfully I don't recall ever eating a Red Velvet cake, so I had no idea what to expect. At first, the batter was vomit green. So I alternated putting purple, pink and blue food coloring into it, and I finally got it to turn blue(ish).
We went back to the restaurant where we had our first date, Cafe Luna (which used to be a nice, cozy and clean place - not sure what the hell happened), for half-price pizza night. It's relatively cheap. And I was always a cheap date. Still am. However, if you take me out for some high-priced quality sushi AND give me a massage, I will totally patty-cake your prostate.
Afterwards, we sampled my smurf cake. Rob said, "I think cakes are supposed to be moist." So we have plenty left over if you want some.
Ugh.
Posted by durban bud at August 27, 2007 06:18 PM
Comments
Did you get blue tongues from all the food coloring?
Posted by: TedBear at August 27, 2007 06:43 PM
Well, I hope that the two of you at least had "fun" with the frosting... Congrats, TJ and Rob! Maybe you'll get an appropriate anniversary souvenir sent up from our trip to Southern Decadence this weekend. Email me your address -- or a P.O Box, if you want to nip any future stalking in the (durban)bud.
Posted by: Andrew at August 27, 2007 06:46 PM
congrats you two, thanks for making me laugh with every post. Happy anniversary!
Posted by: Tim at August 27, 2007 07:26 PM
Oh for crying out loud. The next time you want to make a blue cake, consult me first.
Posted by: TED at August 27, 2007 07:37 PM
Andrew - what are you going to send TJ from Decadence? You can't send live animals or liquids through the mail. Maybe we can get him some of those "special beads." I'm sure he'd like those.
Posted by: Jim at August 27, 2007 07:47 PM
"Special beads" are sure to patty cake your prostate!
Posted by: Mike at August 27, 2007 08:03 PM
Red velvet cake... was it in the shape of an arma-dildo??? LOL...
Happy Anniversary you two!!!
Posted by: TOS at August 27, 2007 09:48 PM
P.S. You have to tell us how black your poop turns... you know you're going to look :-P
Posted by: TOS at August 27, 2007 09:49 PM
That is soooo funny! Awww... you tried to make a cake! Well, at least you tried. I am a horrible cook. The BF doesn't let me cook. I just add too many things. The dogs wont even eat it.
Posted by: brettcajun at August 27, 2007 10:09 PM
Simple syrup or rum would have moistened that cake up nicely.
Posted by: Homer at August 28, 2007 12:21 AM
Oh honey. You're from the South - you should know this. I have it on high authority from my black friends that Red Velvet cake is ONLY prepared to be served at the visitation for a funeral. Chile', please. Any other use is just plain tacky and unfortunate.
DB: I ain't from the south, chile' - my parents are! I was raised in Rochester, NY. But I do have hillbilly in my blood. It explains my affection for biscuits & gravy, baseball caps & substance abuse.
Posted by: Raybob at August 28, 2007 12:29 AM
That cake looks, um, gross.
But in other news, I am an actual, licensed, card-carrying massage therapist. And I love sushi. And here in my town we have not one, but THREE sushi chefs from Japan (due to our big ole' Japanese car factory, natch). What's that you say about patty-cake?
Posted by: Raybob at August 28, 2007 12:32 AM
"It's shake and bake, and I helped!"
Posted by: patrick at August 28, 2007 10:26 AM
Happy Anniversary guys. I too give free massages, but my rule is that you have to be naked to receive one. Yes, it usually leads to some sort of hot monkey sex. I'm sneaky that way.
Posted by: Bubala at August 28, 2007 10:32 AM
Red Sage has really good Red Velvet cake.
I was raised by Southerners and went to school in South Carolina and I have never heard that there was a single appropriate time to serve Red Velvet Cake...but then I do not have any family or friends with names like RayBob, BillyBob, JimmyBob, or DaveyBob.
Posted by: Chris at August 28, 2007 11:27 AM
I'm a Southern boy through and through, and I was practically raised on Red Velvet cake. We had it for birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and any other time my mother was in the mood to make one. She even bought red food coloring by the quart.
Posted by: Zack at August 28, 2007 11:41 AM
Congrats D-Bud & Rob!
Posted by: Curt at August 28, 2007 12:01 PM
Congrats to TJ and Rob! Make lot's of butt-love!
Posted by: mark at August 28, 2007 02:19 PM
technically what makes it red are cochineal bugs. they're usually what's ground up to make red food coloring. google it.
Posted by: gwyneth cornrow at August 28, 2007 04:19 PM
you know, in April 1995 this guy I had just started dating gave me this really, really great massage, and I wound up staying with him for the next 12+ years. we're still together.
ask me if he ever gave me another massage. answer: no.
i think this massage thing is a clever ruse to lure unsuspecting men into longterm relationships.
happy anniversary.
Posted by: Mark at August 28, 2007 05:58 PM
Happy Analversary, boys! Yay! TJ, I'm proud that you made a cake. I totally want my prostate patty-caked, but alas, there are no sushi bars close to me. But I could totally take you down to the ritzy Detroit suburbs where sushi bars litter the neighborhoods. And I've been told I am a good masseur, though I've not given many massages lately. I so need some education in the art of seduction. Will you teach me, oh wise one? :) LOL Cheers bro!
Posted by: Rob at August 30, 2007 07:52 AM
That was very sweet of you. Happy anniversary.
Posted by: Sorata at August 30, 2007 10:22 AM
Happy anniversary!
Posted by: condoblogger at September 1, 2007 01:14 PM
Ahhh.. Happy Anniversary guys (a little late) I know how much work it takes to make it last. You are doing a great job. Bubala does give great massages!
Posted by: Bald Monkey at September 4, 2007 08:03 PM