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August 06, 2007
The Origin of Woof
I hope everyone enjoyed their shark weekend. I know I sure did.
The fun never stops, cuz next weekend is all about the bears. WOOF!
In anticipation, I watched a documentary about brown bears on the National Geographic Channel-- appropriately narrated by Alec Baldwin, by the way. WOOF! WOOF!
Male brown bears are fucking assholes. They're angry and bitter -- for like no reason. They're the quintessential BitterBears. The females raise the cubs, but half of the cubs are killed by the big, bad, male bears, because they want the sole attention of the female. So they kill one of her cubs, and rape her so she'll get pregnant with his sperm. Nice, huh? Typical.
And they're invading here next weekend. Buy your repellent here.
I also learned bears don't say "woof". Total myth. It sounds more like "Aaarrhhwwwwwrraaahhh." So when you see a hot guy, you need to say that to him, to be authentic. Otherwise, you will be judged.
It originated from people with speech impediments, trying to say "Wolf," but instead saying "woof". It's true! I read it on the Internet.
Anyway, we assembled a bunch of bears (not brown) for a viewing of The Bourne Ultimatum. There were several homosexual bears in attendance. Aaarrhhwwwwwrraaahhh! I think they identify with Jason Bourne because they can relate to the whole identity crisis thing. After years of torment and anguish, they eventually figure out who they really are, usually at The Eagle or an Outback Steakhouse.
The movie was good, and it's always nice to hear Moby's "Extreme Ways" close out each of the Bourne films. But Matt Damon is not a bear.
Posted by durban bud at August 6, 2007 01:40 PM
Comments
So which event will you be sponsoring? Let me guess... bear hunting at the Moonlight Madness Pool Party?
Posted by: O at August 6, 2007 03:41 PM
When I can scrounge up enough Confederate money... I'll make it my own bear weekend in DC. I want to go to BlowOffs and swap spit with you sweaty Grizzlies. MMMmmm...
Posted by: brettcajun at August 6, 2007 04:06 PM
Yeah, I'm staying at the Inn. I'm thinking about throwing a 'lil party. Because the more people around me, and the less likely I'll be raped by a black bear. I'm invited to some OMG party where I secretly hope to get an opportunity to tweak the host's nipples; then off to Blowoff. So, my life will be ruled by D.C. & bears this weekend.
Posted by: Steve at August 6, 2007 04:20 PM
Mr. DC Bear appears to be hissing. You can just hear the ssssssss's coming out of her mouth! Someone should teach her to Aaarrhhwwwwwrraaahhh or at least WOOF.
Posted by: rodger at August 6, 2007 04:39 PM
Would love to mark my territory, and rub some facial fur with you once and for all this weekend. Where ya going to be?
DB: Aaarrhhwwwwwrraaahhh!
Posted by: Mike at August 6, 2007 05:28 PM
Oh, you mean the OTHER Moby. I'm such a silly faggot sometimes. I was like WTF is he talking about? hehehe
Posted by: moby at August 6, 2007 11:21 PM
Huh. So it's Aaarrhhwwwwwrraaahhh. And all this time I thought it was Rrraaaaarrrreeerrrrraaarrrrr. Although I can see how Aaarrhhwwwwwrraaahhh could be sexy with the right look.
I guess that leaves sharks to rely on the visual for effect. "Yeah baby-- you think my TEETH are big!"
Posted by: Dan at August 7, 2007 12:09 AM
Now I could've sworn I was supposed to be fearful of rape from black bears. Now it says brown bears!
Posted by: Steve at August 7, 2007 07:26 AM
Of course you had to start writing about furry goodness when my husband is out of town again for the week (D.C. again!). Oh, wait -- hubby is not a furry guy, that's me. Well, I hope *he* sees this and misses me as much as I miss him.
Posted by: Andrew at August 7, 2007 09:06 AM
I thought you should know about this:
http://bigbearcafe-dc.com/blog/?p=133
Posted by: jamy at August 7, 2007 09:54 AM
Sadly, I just learned that I am not a bear or even a cub. I am an otter. How dumb! I'm going to go right out and buy six dozen Twinkies and get to work on my bear physique.
Posted by: Bubala at August 7, 2007 10:33 AM
You should know about this too:
Posted by: Steve at August 7, 2007 10:50 AM
You know if you get a pair of drum sticks, and tap them together, and sing Sinatra songs, all the bears will run away, and back to the buffet line (for 3rds and 4ths). Then you can make your get away. Trust in Hanuman he will protect us!
Posted by: Bald Monkey at August 7, 2007 04:26 PM
We all know by now what Alexyss have to say to those ungentlemanly male brown bears.
Posted by: Huntington at August 7, 2007 04:44 PM
Aaarrhhwwwwwrraaahhh is so hard to text, though.
Posted by: Raybob at August 8, 2007 10:38 AM