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September 09, 2007
The Art of Cockblocking Tyra Banks
Apparently it was disgustingly hot in DC yesterday. I wouldn't know. I was too busy watching a marathon of America's Next Top Model in the comfort of my air-conditioned home, curled up on the couch like a man-cat. Meow.
Pathetic, I know, but I. Could. Not. Look. Away. Does. It. Annoy. You. When. People. Write. Like. This?
Why has no one tipped me off to this show before? MTV ran a marathon of the 4th and 7th seasons all weekend -- cuz, y'know, it's all about the music on that network.
This gorgeous man was a guest judge on one of the episodes. I had never heard of him. Supposedly he's straight. Mmmhmmm.
Sadly, I've only experienced one minor intimate relation with a man of African descent. He was a big, burly, muscle man -- hard as a brick and about the size of two durban buds. But he tried to get all rough and dominant top with me. I was all, "Gurl, please. Put me down. I am not a fafafini!" So it didn't go so well.
A couple months later I was walking down 17th, when a car pulled alongside me. It was him. We exchanged pleasantries and I turned on Corcoran and headed to my apartment. He parked his car and came running after me. Um, security, we have a situation with an angry DOM. I thought he was pissed cuz I gave him crabs or something, but he just wanted to talk. Mmmhmmm. It was that day I learned the art of cockblocking.
My fall seminars on the subject begin the weekend before Power Bottom Appreciation Day, which isn't too far away. And the next season of America's Next Top Model premieres September 19th. Please mark your calendars for ALL events. It's gonna be a great season.
Posted by durban bud at September 9, 2007 09:32 PM
Comments
Rumor has it that you are going to demonstrate runway techniques in the next season. True?
Posted by: homer at September 9, 2007 11:10 PM
I think MTV has always stood for Model Television, but when it first aired, we were all too stoned to notice.
Posted by: Huntington at September 10, 2007 09:00 AM
If you now love ANTM, then you have to read FourFour
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/antm/index.html
Best. Recaps. Ever!
Posted by: stebbins at September 10, 2007 09:47 AM
I employ the art of cockblocking when I have a hunky friend fly into town. My friends can sometimes be hyena's. They try to pull the meat away. I cockblock them and let them know I aint haven't it! ;) Then I shake my head like I have a turkey neck. I'd rather a hunky friend from out of town have an anonymous BJ at Rawhides than have my buddies paw on them. Why? Because those MOFOs don't ever bring me meat from far and yonder! You've been cockblocked. Snap! Snap! Double Swirl! Purse lips and three turkey neck moves to the left and right. You've been served. ;)
Posted by: brettcajun at September 10, 2007 09:56 AM
ANTM is a great marathon show... but I don't think I could watch it week to week. It's like "The Real World." I either need to see all of them at once or not at all.
Personally, I'm all about Tim Gunn's new show. Was a super cheesy "What not to wear" clone starting out but about 25 minutes in it found it's own stride. Project Runway in a couple weeks too!
Posted by: condoblogger at September 10, 2007 11:19 AM
I have to disagree on the Tim Gunn thing. I love Tim on Project Runway but this format allows him to show too much prissiness and rightously indignant faggotry. We all know there's nothing more painful than a righteously indignant faggot, unless perhaps it is a lesbian who feels that she may have been oppressed somehow.
Just my 2 cents.
Posted by: Boomer at September 10, 2007 02:16 PM
Would've never guessed you watch ANTM... LOL
It's sad that it took me zero seconds to know where the profile picture of FourFour was from...
Posted by: Sorata at September 11, 2007 08:46 AM
Top Model has it's highs and lows. My favorite episode is always the "Makeover" show. I love seeing the one girl who gets to go blonde gloat to the the others while the prettiest girls always gets her hair chopped. Tyra doesn't like competition!
Posted by: Matt at September 11, 2007 11:33 AM
I love how Tyra repeats "You're still in the running toward becoming America's Next Top Model" over and over again.
Posted by: erquirk at September 11, 2007 04:54 PM
In preperation for Power Bottom Appreciation Day, you should totally talk Troy/Dean into guest blogging, or you could interview him for the blog. He and his partner are running a massage business in the wilds of Vermont these days.
http://www.BigMuscleBears.com/~Green+Mountain+Guys
Posted by: Chad at September 12, 2007 06:40 PM