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January 14, 2008
I Don't Need This
After a 3-week hiatus, Clyde was returned to us yesterday. Naturally all Dog Whisperer techiques we managed to train him with are now missing. If that show is so popular, why am I the only one "PSSHHT"-ing his dog? No one else PSSHHTs around here. So I PSSHHT him as softly as I can, so I don't get judged. Then I think, maybe I'm PSSHHT-ing him incorrectly, maybe it's "PSSSSK". It's so hard to tell with Cesar's accent. But PSSSSK isn't working either.
Following Cesar's advice, I kept him by my side on his walk last night. He basically walked me, which is so demeaning. So I PSSHHT-ed him with vigor.
He's great with people, but is a sassy dominant top with other dogs. I'm pretty sure if Clyde had a blog, it would be called The Neighbors Will Hear and he would sign his name CLYDE.
We've already received the ire of the dog park clique, following an unfortunate vulgar display of alpha-maleness one afternoon. So when I see another dog, I hold tightly on the leash and move quickly by and/or move to the other side of the street.
As we were approaching the end of our walk, an ederly woman with a large dog was in front of our home. Let's call her Dorothy Zbornak. I grabbed Clyde's leash and stopped walking. Dorothy Zbornak saw me and said, "My dog's friendly." "Mine's unpredictable. I live right there, so you can go on ahead. We'll wait." Dorothy Zbornak stood there, frozen. Again, I added, "He's not always good with other dogs." She stood there, smiling. Ooooookay, I'll hold my Big Muscle dog and TRY to walk around you peacefully, Dorothy Zbornak. I pulled him back and casually walked by them. The dogs immediately sniffed each other, but Clyde wasn't barking; that was a good sign.
Then he mounted her dog.
I yanked Clyde back. Dorothy Zbornak stopped smiling and said, "I don't need this!" Really, Dorothy Zbornak? Cuz I need this. Let's meet again tomorrow, 'kay? Bring Rose. She added, "If your dog's not friendly, I don't need this." I responded, "PSSHHT!" She grabbed her freshly humped dog and moved on. OMG, it works with people!
I've found it also works with boyfriends.
So if anyone gets lippy with you, just give 'em a PSSHHT. Works wonders. Do it today!
Posted by durban bud at January 14, 2008 02:39 PM
Comments
If anyone's going to have a humping dog that ignores the PSSHHT, it's you :-)
Posted by: matticus at January 14, 2008 04:37 PM
We'll have to try the use of PSSHHT at MAL this coming weekend.
Posted by: jimbo at January 14, 2008 05:50 PM
all your dog-walking can help you this weekend at MAL...:) Unfortunately, my leashes are still packed--otherwise..well, ya know.
1st MAL that I won't be attending in 4 years. Feeling homesick a bit..but such is life!
hugs/tugs
-the sarge
Posted by: sarge at January 14, 2008 07:31 PM
you really ARE funny...you crack me up...you little knee slapper.
Posted by: pam at January 14, 2008 08:13 PM
I haven't tried the dog whisperer stuff but feel your pain about the shunning at the dog park. Dog park people can be a tough bunch especially when your 15 pound aplha female Welsh Terrier has a habit of locating the biggest male rottweiler in the run, mounting him and humping like a meth crazed leather daddy as a lesson to the other dogs not to fuck with her.
Have fun at MAL...we'll be here freezing in Chicago and counting the days til IML when the sun comes out again after 6 dark months.
Posted by: Boomer at January 14, 2008 08:37 PM
PSSHHT can also work with husbands. And P.S. isn't Cesar kinda cute?
Posted by: Andrew at January 14, 2008 08:46 PM
I wonder where he gets the alpha maleness from. Maybe she can give lessons to the owners, cuz you know how those dog walkers secretly really want that, but they can't admit it, except in dark places, like the House.
Posted by: copperred at January 14, 2008 09:50 PM
My dog has earned the title of "the loud and only dog who runs around barking" at our dog park... nobody has said as such but I know they must be thinking that...
One suggestion though --
While it may seem contrary to logic, DON'T tighten up on the leash when you see another dog or a person who Clyde might go after. Yes this sounds crazy...
BUT - by tightening up on the leash you are basically tell the dog "DANGER DANGER Will Robinson, please go apeshit on whomever is approaching!"
The dog feels your tension and it makes him as snarly as Nancy Grace without her daily eclair...
Hope this helps!
Posted by: TOS at January 14, 2008 10:33 PM
Funny. But the CLYDE thing eludes me.
Posted by: TED at January 14, 2008 11:29 PM
TRUE: My male dog doesn't hump other dogs, he climbs under and licks their dicks. It's really embarrassing because I'm sure people are thinking it's something he learned at home.
Posted by: Jeff at January 15, 2008 08:11 AM
That was the funniest blog entry I have read or watched or seen in weeks. Psssht!
Posted by: TedBear at January 15, 2008 09:29 AM
Well, you tried. You tried to get her crusty ass off the damn front porch. But no. She had to go and be all "my dog's friendly".
Well, it looks like her dog's been "friendly" before...
Posted by: cb at January 15, 2008 11:15 AM
TOS beat me to it! Any true fan of Miss Milan would know that.
"PSHHHT! Didjew see that? I just DAWG WHISPERED you!" - DJ Dynasty Handbag, "Deep House Dish"
Posted by: johnny at January 15, 2008 11:39 AM
Warning! Don't try this with your boss!
Posted by: Huntington at January 15, 2008 11:02 PM
i had to read this again...i loved it so much.
I can picture your face the moment that lady told you that SHE "didn't need this". so funny.
Posted by: pam at January 16, 2008 09:31 PM
Please tell me that dog whisperer link isn't real ...
Posted by: raybob at January 16, 2008 10:54 PM
You and Clyde have the same expression on your face in your pics.....I think its kismit! Clyde is your souldog
Posted by: seth at January 17, 2008 09:17 AM
That Zbornak always was such a headstrong woman.
Posted by: sandy at January 18, 2008 02:09 AM
Oh my gawd, I love Clyde!! I do hope you're going to keep him, because I think American Bulldogs are the shit. Well, after Great Danes. Yeah, I like 'em big and burly.
Posted by: Princess Superstar at January 23, 2008 03:01 PM