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January 30, 2008
The Box
I noticed a few boxes strewn in the middle of the alley this morning. It's very windy here, so the Lord must have gently blown them into my path for a reason. I was walking an ornery dog so I couldn't stop to observe their cardboard nuances, though I could tell one was brown, one was white, and the other was flattened -- ran over by a careless cab driver, or maybe my texting-while-driving friend Ira, no doubt.
As I passed the boxes, I paused and thought, perhaps I should move them out of the way. Some people say it's rude to leave trash in the middle of an alley, expecting someone else to clean up the mess. I felt compelled to do something for the greater good of the environment. It was my calling. So I turned around.
I looked down at the three boxes. With only one hand free, I had to make a choice. Which box should I choose? I mean, I'm all about cleaning up the environment, but with babysteps, okay?
I looked up to the crisp blue sky for guidance. The warmth of the sunshine beamed on my face, highlighting the few red hairs in my goatee. I felt a strange feeling come over me. Clyde became very still and sat. I smiled. I could smell cinnamon and Calvin Klein's Eternity. I knew what was happening. It was Him.
He gently whispered in my ear, "Gurrrrl, those three boxes represent the leading candidates for President. You know what to do. Choose the one you want to win. Make the right choice, son. Please make the right choice. K, thanks."
I nodded, still smiling. It was an easy choice. I let go of the leash, bent down and picked up the box that most represented my candidate. I held it over my head, like John Cusack from Say Anything. I wanted the Lord to see my proud choice.
I felt that strange feeling again. I could hear Sarah Brightman singing in the background, and in my ear, He ever-so-softly whispered, "Touché."
I walked over to the dumpster and disposed of the box.
I'm doing my part to help the environment. Are you?
Posted by durban bud at January 30, 2008 12:26 PM
Comments
Um... is this one of those stories where the moral is like the box is you or something?
Posted by: atari_age at January 30, 2008 02:47 PM
Nice...I get it... To bad it wasn't the white box with make-up that you threw away...
Posted by: Kelly Stern at January 30, 2008 08:33 PM
Al Gore is the flat box? Or does the flat box represent Hillary's ____ ___?
Posted by: jimbo at January 30, 2008 09:43 PM
You picked the cleanest one, didn't you?
Posted by: copperred at January 30, 2008 11:35 PM
Oh wait, I think I get it. It's gallows humor, right? Or maybe I don't get it.
Posted by: atari_age at January 31, 2008 01:25 AM
I would have taken all three boxes, stomped them flat, somehow stuffed them under my free arm and put them in the recycling bin, not the trash. Then I would have voted for the white box with the makeup. I know I won't win any popularity contests with that response.
http://globalwarming.meetup.com/65/
yeah that's me.
DB: We have two recycling bins for our building. One is for glass/aluminum; the other is for newspapers. They are strictly enforced by the recycling police. We threw plastic bottles in once and got fined. We didn't put newspapers in a paper bag and also got fined. They make us break big boxes down and put in the trash. :(
Posted by: Dan at January 31, 2008 04:05 AM
Did He answer your question about whether there is buttsex in heaven?
Posted by: Mark at January 31, 2008 05:05 AM
I didn't realize that people in D.C. got to vote in presidential elections ... Hmm. This changes everything.
Posted by: Aaron at January 31, 2008 06:59 AM
Is this the prequel of Brokeback Mountain? I'm waiting for the sex scene still.
Posted by: Sorata at January 31, 2008 11:19 AM
Mark, any heaven in which God says "Gurrrrl..." probably has no shortage of the buttsex.
Posted by: Huntington at January 31, 2008 04:20 PM
There are butts in heaven? I think if I went thru the effort to get one box I would have got them all.
Posted by: Tim at January 31, 2008 07:09 PM
I wanna have buttsex in heaven. Do I have to RSVP? Just curious. I'm hoping this is one of those "Gurrrrl, you know you're invited!" kind of things. LOL (yes TJ, "lol" is still being used in unique situations like this only on very rare occasion). LOL!!! (that one I put in to be redundant)
Great post! Thanks. I know who I'm voting for.
Posted by: Rob at February 5, 2008 12:23 PM