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March 11, 2008
Whore
It's so funny how bloggers rush to their computers to offer their oh-so-very-important opinion whenever there's a sex scandal. As if the story doesn't already consume every single informational outlet available, some dude lounging in his boxers in Dupont Circle feels he needs to feed the frenzy with his two-cents. Yawn. Get over yourself. Some of us read personal blogs to get away from all that madness.
So here's my take on the whole Spitzer matter:
I need to join an underground prostitution ring.
Clearly there is a market for it, and based on reports, they pay very well for just a few hours of grimacing.
To be honest, I didn't realize how many professional whores there are in this area (I mean, those that make you pay). I've totally been missing out and I live in the heart of whore central, apparently. But, are there any prostitution rings that cater to the distinguished homosexual? ...Cuz, obviously, I would have a hard time performing a little cunny on, say, Senator Barbara Mikulski?
If there are -- and I'm guaranteed complete veto power over my dates (cuz, let's face it, men with the likes of Larry Craig and Dick Morris would only end up complaining to upper whore management that I retched during our entire lovemaking transaction, which would likely tarnish the underground whore ring's reputation and lead to my immediate dismissal), and I'm also given complete veto power of what and who gets touched, licked, sucked, penetrated and spanked (cuz I have standards), and I was assured the client was free of genital parasites, and I got to keep the majority of the fee, and I signed a waver that my professional pimp would take the fall if they got busted -- then I would totally consider applying for a part-time job in a prostitution ring. It would have to be upscale, though. I ain't no crack whore. Again, I'm a whore with standards -- just ask my partner.
If a powerful, horny politician or minister wants to pay 4K for a few hours of consensual sodomy with me, and they escape my power of veto -- then spank my ass and call me a whore, I don't care. My whore ass will have paid off my mortgage and retired early, while you're still droning away in your judgmental cubicle, reading Suze Orman books and surfing porn on company time.
The benefits clearly outweigh the minor irritation I might feel receiving a two-hour rim job from Senator Sleazebag. Hell, I might even be able to convince him to pass a bill officially recognizing a certain day with the holiday of my choice.
Seriously, send this whore (with standards) an application.
Posted by durban bud at March 11, 2008 11:20 AM
Comments
I'm sure you would also donate a portion of your earnings to my favorite charity, Power Bottoms with Prolapsed Rectums.
Posted by: homer at March 11, 2008 01:05 PM
Oh please, Senator Mikulski is a total power dyke that I've seen roller-balding in from surburban Maryland to the Senate Chambers. No cunny there. On another hand, I do find it ironic that there's a 2-2:Dem-Rep:Hetero-Homo sex scandle ratio goin on (Clinton and Spitzer vs Craig and Foley) oh nevermind I forgot Governor Gay and Senator Vitter.
Posted by: Scott at March 11, 2008 03:03 PM
As long as we adhere to the above standards, I can see no problems with this business proposition.
Perhaps with good benefits, decent medical care, and a retirement plan we can expand and franchise out.
We'd put Amsterdam to shame.
Posted by: Leo at March 11, 2008 03:19 PM
My cubicle is not judgemental. It's Knoll Autostrada, thank you very much.
Posted by: Mark at March 11, 2008 03:28 PM
I could never be a Whore. I am just NOT that entrepreneurial. I need a manager because I am a horrible negotiator.
Damn... if I had $5 for every blowjob I gave for free... oh nevermind. TMI.
;)
DB: Brett, upper whore management handles the business administration. There would be no negotiating because the fees are already set. You would make a great whore IMO (though your johns would get a small discount for travel to Baton Rouge). You and I could trade whore stories as we windsurf in Belize. If I hear from a quality prostitution ring pimp, I'll get you an app too. Think big, babe. $$$$$$$$$
Posted by: brettcajun at March 11, 2008 03:42 PM
You have obviously never perused the rooms on aol. My roomie used rentboy.com. Perhaps you could check it out? I'm told you can set your own rates, blah blah blah.
I haven't reached the age where I have to pay for it (yet). However, I gotta keep my options open. heehee
DB: This "rentboy.com" that you speak of, they pay at least 4K, yes? I have no qualms whatsoever about hiring a hot porn star for sex if he accepted a dinner and movie as payment. True story: A few years ago a friend was looking into getting me a night with Dean Coulter for my birthday, but another "friend" interjected and quashed that idea as "inappropriate". Thanks, Tos!!!
Posted by: moby at March 11, 2008 06:33 PM
This whole Brett Durban Moby conversation makes me want to start "the ring"... can I be client 9, or whatever... hehehe...
Posted by: Kelly at March 11, 2008 10:39 PM
Anyone who's ever accepted dinner being paid by a date is a whore. So the DB's "let's all sit down in the row boat" is so welcome.
So I wonder if the Mayflower enjoys being the go to whorehouse for the rich and famous or if they encourage it? Now the dbud you'll have to require the mayflower and if you go to NYC, go only Acela.
Posted by: copperred at March 12, 2008 12:29 AM
Well speaking from experience - I have noted a few things, firstly I don't have any senators as clients, sadly, as it appears they pay far better! 4K for a few hours, man I need to revise my rates! I thought the celebs paid well, but now I should pursue politicians! But DB you hit the nail on the head fella .... the mortgage is nearly paid off, so is my jetski & my cars - what a great feeling that is! But then if I wasnt so pickie I might have paid it off long time ago. After all clients come in all forms, nothing to do with age, hell my youngest regular is 22 & gets exactly what he wants ;-)
DB: Dillon, this is exactly why you need to visit DC, besides dinner and a movie w/ me of course. Busine$$ is booming here. And with your contacts in the industry, Brett's notorious gag reflex and my skills smackin' naughty Republicans around, we may even be able to start our own high-end underground prostitution ring for distinguished homosexuals called Durban Studs. Then we'll ride those jetskis on the beautiful waters of Belize right into the sunset.
Posted by: Dillon at March 12, 2008 07:02 AM
Kelly -
Thanks. Now you have given me a weird mental image of TJ, Brett and Moby all lounging in bed in their best pair of man-panties (manties?) waiting for the pink princess phone by the bedside to ring.
On the line is their Mack Daddy pimp telling them that Orrin Hatch is on the way over for a mean game of "Jack Twist & Ennis Del Mar" so put on your cowboy boots and roll over!
...Ahhhh...Er.....I am sorry what was the topic? Ummm...I gotta get back to work.
DB: Brett & Moby would have to handle this delicious scenario, as Orrin would not escape my power of VETO.
Posted by: Boomer at March 12, 2008 09:47 AM
Oh, honey. Don't quit your day job.
Posted by: TED at March 14, 2008 11:36 PM
Wow, you know this whole Democrat getting caught involved in some RETARDED sex scandal is really chaffing on my nerves. I've been a Dem my whole life. I believe in the inclusiveness, the messy democracy (unlike the clean, one-dimensional, everybody-stay-in-line-and-follow-the-leader-like-a-king Republicans), the imperfections; but most importantly the political platform. But it seems like EVERY FUCKING TIME we get an opportunity to cast off the bullshit of the other side, we fuck it up by pulling some moronic stunt like Spitzer just did. Beautiful, 100% solid career... “let's see, how can I just FLUSH THIS DOWN THE TOILET along with everybody else in the fucking party in the most spectacular way possible!” If anybody should have known the consequences a sex scandal, especially right now, it should have been Spitzer. FUUUUUCCCKKKKK! So frustrating! Take a clue Democrats! If you're in PUBLIC OFFICE you're going to bring us all down when you fuck around like that! STOP IT! KEEP YOUR FUCKING PANTS ON AT LEAST UNTIL YOU’RE OUT OF OFFICE! THEN YOU CAN HAVE A FUCKING CALIGULA ORGY EVERY NIGHT IF YOU WANT! Kay, I’m done. *rant over*
Posted by: Dan at March 16, 2008 01:28 AM
I would totally be client #1!! Sign me up. But, I don't have $4000. Can we negotiate a discount for your first client?
Posted by: Dan at March 16, 2008 09:54 AM