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March 27, 2008
Raven-Symoné's Playlist
In case you were wondering:
You Learn - Alanis Morissette
A Woman's Worth - Alicia Keys
Like a Star - Corinne Bailey Rae
Izzo (H.O.V.A.) - Jay-Z
Little Black Sandals - Sia
Sinnerman - Nina Simone
She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
Poison - Bell Biv DeVoe
Alice - Raven-Symoné
That's so Raven!
Total lesbian.
Anyway --
So I'm searching around iTunes to find some new music to wet my whistle and I discover a number of cool musicians have albums coming out. I am so out of the loop. Counting Crows, REM, B-52's and Moby! I clicked around, samplin' the goods when I noticed a button to review Kelly Ripa's playlist. OMG, what does Kelly Ripa like?!? I made a mental note to click on that later. Well, later came and I couldn't find her playlist link again. I started to panic at the disco. WHERE THE FUCK IS KELLY RIPA'S PLAYLIST?!? I NEED TO KNOW!!! NOW!!! I actually searched the Help file to find it. It didn't help me find Kelly Ripa's playlist. Hey Apple, your help file doesn't help. After an exhaustive search on my own, I finally found it. It was a list of her favorite tunes for dinner parties. Ew.
Rolling Stone is raving (they're so raven, too!) about the new REM and Moby records. They also have an article on Adam Duritz and how he's been suffering from dissociative disorder the past few years. Hey Adam, I can totally relate.
I like him. I don't care if he did a Shrek song. That's just how non-judgmental I am. Did you know his dreads are fake? I know -- I was shocked too. He's like 43 and tells people they are fake! I'm totally considering getting them. I need to bring dreads into the gay bear community. I want to be the gay Eddy Grant. "Boy! vrooooooooooom."
Do you want to know what the worst name for a band is?
Lifehouse
But that's irrelevant because the leading force behind this bubble-gum rock trio is Jason Wade and he has miraculously transformed himself from a thin, long-haired twink into a beautiful T-bone slab of man-beef.
I did my research. He's also, like, a nice guy and Christianish, I think. He doesn't even fucking swear. Sure, his lyrics are pure mozzarella -- maybe, gouda -- but the guy's got some talent. Think I'm joking, check out some of his acoustic performances on VH1 and see if you wouldn't mind him singing velveeta-nothin's into your ear when you wake up:
Hanging by a Moment
Whatever it Takes
Somewhere Only We Know (Keane cover)
[SPOLERS AHEAD!]
He's married...to a woman. But that doesn't mean much these days, does it? I mean, "TED" was also married to a woman, and, as we all know, he's now buttfucking the east coast. In fact, Governor O'Malley -- in partnership with Craigslist -- has renamed a rest-stop on I-95 to "TED's Chocolate Starfish Blow-N-Go." Congrats, TED! Smooch (but not on the lips).
Speaking of chocolate starfish, how have I never heard of this vulgar term before? I mean, I knew Limp Bizkit had an album with that in its title, but when I think of Limp Bizkit, I rarely think of anus designs. Wait a second...oh...actually it now makes perfect sense! Personally, though, I don't see the starfish resemblance.
Back to T-Bone -- the lyrics to his latest single, Whatever it Takes, include this obvious reference to man-on-man sex:
"If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts"
Total fag.
Actually Jason appears decidely into the ladies, so all you teenage girls who Googled "OMG I love Jason Wade" and "Jason Wade naked" can back the fuck up. I can ogle yo' man. Besides, I probably have as a much of a chance as spending a night in his lifehouse as you have getting asked to the prom. So save your vicious comments, grow up and suck it.
Update: I just infiltrated the Facebook group, "I Would Marry Jason Wade in a Heartbeat." I'm the only male member and probably the only one over...um....17. CAT FIGHT!! Bring it, bitch.
I'm so Raven!
Posted by durban bud at March 27, 2008 09:45 AM
Comments
"Chocolate starfish" makes my biscuit go limp. Fer sure.
Posted by: homer at March 27, 2008 11:36 AM
A chocolate starfish is on the emblem for Bottoms for Obama. http://www.cafepress.com/bottomsforobama
Posted by: Sarah at March 27, 2008 11:58 AM
Really, I pretty much only buttfuck the Mid-Atlantic states, unless you count guys in New England after I drop my daughter off at college and guys in Florida when I've been there on vacation. And I may have done guys from the Carolinas, but I'm pretty sure I've never done anyone in the Carolinas, so I think you're giving me too much credit. Still, thanks for giving me something to work towards: I was tempted to rest on my laurels after getting the rest stop.
Posted by: TED at March 27, 2008 12:13 PM
Posted by: Aaron at March 27, 2008 12:59 PM
I love me some Raven-Symoné. She's sassy like me! But I am not a Liccalottapuss. Ewww. Nasty creatures that scissor!
This is a very funny post DBUD. You make me smile with every post. ;).
DB: Thanks, Brett. Ummmm...if he has offended any of my scissor sisters with his comment, I apologize on his behalf. He's from Baton Rouge so it's likely related to the chemicals. Some people might think what WE do is nasty -- but thankfully, with experience and the right water pressure, it can be a completely clean experience for everyone involved, just like period sex.
Posted by: brettcajun at March 27, 2008 03:23 PM
I have to raise a ditto to Brettcajun's comment on the smile. I, however, totally fag out for Baby Daddy of the Scissor Sisters ilk.
Posted by: Scott at March 27, 2008 03:53 PM
TJ:
You know, some people around the country claim that all LSU Tiger fans are OBNOXIOUS. Maybe it's that and not the chemical industry. I would ask Large Tony for his opinion on this. ;)
Brett
Posted by: brettcajun at March 27, 2008 04:56 PM
So I must admit.
Counting Crows is still my favorite band.
Sad, sad I know . . .
But yes . . new album!
And not some live recordings, it's supposed to be real work this time.
I'm kinda hoping that we bounce back after the "Hard Candy" let down . . well . .eh . . .
I want to hear something more like the stuff on "Recovering the Satellites".
There is a whole story behind "Horse Dreamers Blues" btw, and more songs that contribute to it. I know that one by heart if only because there is a song that was only preformed live that is a prequel to it that is all about the fact that the lady in horse dreamers lives in Kentucky, the whole series seems to take part in Louisville . . happens to be "home" for me.
"Ghost Train" is still probably my favorite song of all time.
And ok . . enough fan boy squee! for me.
Needless to say, I'm excited about it.
DB: Saw CC in '94 at the HFStival. Then again a few years ago at 9:30 Club. Great show. Friendly guy. Would love to see them again.
Posted by: Leo at March 27, 2008 06:21 PM
With the right water pressure and maybe a little soap!
LOL.
DBUD, you know that all Brett wants is a spanking.
Posted by: tonkamanor at March 27, 2008 08:01 PM
Follow Up:
Fan boy went out and bought the album.
I'm up to song 3 "Los Angeles".
I am not disappointed.
I think my favorite line right now is "I am child of fire, I am a lion, I have desires, I was born inside the sun this morning"
It's very good gentlemen, right now it's getting 4.5 out of 5 in my book.
I am bias.
But . .ya know . .it's taking me back to "Recovering the Satellites". Arguably there best album.
Definitely pulled back and there is real emotion here. I'm impressed.
Posted by: Leo at March 27, 2008 08:05 PM
I'm a little scared.
I read this whilst eating lunch and was able to keep eating even after the chocolate starfish reference. Surely that's not normal?
Actually I'm still hungry .. I reckon I could go eat a hot dog. In one bite. Or maybe I'm just horny.
Posted by: matticus at March 27, 2008 10:19 PM
I prefer the term "Balloon Knot" rather than "Chocolate Starfish".
But that's just me.
Posted by: Darin at March 27, 2008 10:22 PM
Raven's a lesbian...who knew? No wonder she could care less about her hips...
Posted by: Matt at March 28, 2008 11:11 AM
Um, after reading this post, I sorta want to know what drugs you are on. Because "I'll have what she's having"... know what I'm sayin'?
DB: I got clean and sober 2 years ago, and NOW people think I'm on drugs. Rock on. Sadly --or for the sake of mankind-- this is me...drug-free. Though I do drink too much iced tea -- like, a lot -- so I would suggest suckin' some of that down if you're lookin' to catch my durban buzzzzzzzzz.
Posted by: cb at March 28, 2008 04:48 PM
1) I want royalties from that pic.
2) The new PC term is butt-love.
:-P
Posted by: moby at March 29, 2008 06:20 PM
I really like the new Janet Jackson album... Does that make me nelly?
Posted by: Matthew Thompson at March 30, 2008 03:01 AM