I know from your pic that time is still on your side, but I need to make a request you may not understand...much as I enjoy reading your blog (and I Do! I Do!) the danged font you've chosen is so small these 53 year-old eyes struggle to read what you've so smartly written. Any chance of a bigger typeface, sweetcheeks?

My best,
Mike Randall

DB: Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I bumped it up. So now you can actually read what I've written. Sorry! But you asked for it.

Facebook poking is the death of human interaction? It's passive/passive-aggressive flirtation, and we all know you can't live without poking.

Actually OMG has jumped the shark more than LOL since it is now used in a commercial for girly deodorant.

The picture finally came back to haunt me! Ha Ha. I can't help it! I wear my feelings on my sleeves AND in my emails. I know. I know. I need to simmer down and keep some of those emotions in my pocket. Especially if the great DBud is annoyed. Bowing down... on my knees. :P

lulz

This post would have been funny six months ago.

By the way, nails are hammered, not poked, into coffins. Given the awkward syntax of that sentence, though, it's possible that you were either trying for an amusing turn of phrase or saying something totally different altogether. But nails are hammered, unless they're fingernails, and then they're jabbed. Get with the metaphorical program.

DB: Oh, teddy. It's amusing when you direct your dominant diva sassitude towards me, but what works for you on squirt.com and in the Union Station restroom, may not translate as well here. Ya dig?

Poking is the name of a popular feature on Facebook. Now, with this new knowledge, re-read the sentence that chafed your scrotum.

You may apologize now, CUPCAKE.

In honor of you, our favorite horny curmudgeon, we have a brand new term to add to the lexicon. We've all heard of bitchy bottoms, but what are bitchy tops called? That's right...they will now be referred to as TEDS! Thanks for the inspiration. Smooch.

But I like it when you poke me...

Well, yes, I admit that your sentence makes sense, syntactically if not generally, given this additional piece of information. I'll get back to you with an apology as soon as I can work up to feeling a bit of remorse for not knowing Facebook terms (I'm afraid I still use the telephone and e-mail to arrange to see my friends in person), but you're still at least six months too late to be declaring that "whatevs" and anything LOLCats are tired.

And thanks for the new term, but it should be TEDs, not TEDS.

DB: No, CUPCAKE - it's TEDS. Take a deep breath, surrender control and just accept it. Don’t argue. Shhhh. Take another deep breath and just listen for a change. Your crankiness is directly correlated to your massive control issues. So let's talk mano y mano, okay? In all seriousness, you need to get sodomized. I know you just clenched your sphincter upon hearing that, but it's for the best and a necessary component in your recovery. I know it goes against your nature, but relinquishing control for, say, 5 or 10 minutes of rigid rectum riding, would help kill that inner bitch and do you a load (har har) of good. When someone behaves like, let’s say, an ass, the likely root of the problem is located in the ass. Therefore, you need a good ass pounding to thoroughly destroy those condescending bitch polyps that are festering like ravenous potato bugs in your man-snizz. It's all about control, baby. You gots to give it up. Sure, you might need a piece of wood to bite down on and you might get a fissure or two, but, in the long run, your inner bitch will be silenced and the children of the internets can breathe easier. Trust me, honey -- you’re one small step from transforming into a man-whore version of Nancy Grace if this is not addressed. And I don't want that to happen to our horny little CUPCAKE. I'm being blunt because I care. I want CUPCAKE to blossom into the best-selling author of SM/BD anonymous hook-up fiction that I know he can be. The potential is clearly there. But it can't be realized if the know-it-all diva is allowed to thrive. I believe there is a really sweet man somewhere way deep, deep, deep, way deep, deep down, way deep down, far, far under that macho dominant top exterior. I've seen glimmers of that beautiful boy hidden deep down, way, way down deep in there before. And when I see those quick flickers of the CUPCAKE we all love, my heart warms and I smile. He just needs to be set free. But that requires some hard work on your part and that hard work requires some rapid-fire sodomy in your tight hole. I know the thought is not pleasant, but since you sing in your church choir, this would be a wonderful time to put these hymns to use. Just concentrate on the lyrics. As he enters you, just put your head down and softly sing to yourself, "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Oh, this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine." As his thrusts intensify, just up the tempo a bit. Rinse and repeat. Okay? So, please, please, please go get sodomized. Your future will be wide open, but you must deal with these control issues. You can do it, CUPCAKE. You CAN do it. I believe in you. Take it like a man. Suck it up and take it like that macho dominant top you claim to be. Now go to Craigslist M4M, select a dick and seal the deal. Shoot for the stars, baby. And remember to breathe. Just breathe. BIG BEAR HUG (over saran wrap, of course) to CUPCAKE’s new beginning.

Oh I kid with TED! He's still my buddy. I'm just teasing him like he teases me all the time. Right? Riiiiiight. ;-)

As tired as it may be, LOLcats always make me giggle. I'm easy like that.

w00t!

I agree about LOLCats. And I'm a bit through with fierce hot tranny mess as it is disrespectful to messes everywhere. (You forgot the word fierce, btw which needs to be retired SO Yesterday!)

And I don't get the "Black don't crack" thing-- as Whitney is black and she did crack...

TJ...you go guuuurrrrl! Dominant Diva Sassitude!?!?! Love it! Your king of sass humor made coming back to work after a week long drunken, "lost weekend" type Mexican vacation ever so much more palatable.

I'll comment again when I am a proud "graduate" of the Betty Ford institute for wayward gays.

hmmmmmm CUPCAKES! YES CUPCAKES! I've been hungry for something all day and now I figured it out. Ohhh sorry did I say that out loud???? Nevermind.

So if the fix for chronic bitchiness is getting fucked, is that the golden solution to the whiny hipsters? Cuz OMG are they Bitchy McBitchersons. And cupcakes, but not from CakeLove because they're dry and the icing is just a cold stick of butter.

Is your own cupcake alright, after the Cialis ran out?

Oh, TJ, honey, it's okay: you go ahead and vent. I'm sure it must be very unpleasant when your other half pours Tabasco in your enema bag.

http://bp2.blogger.com/_EPZ2wcqVWBk/R-wYQyJ9JaI/AAAAAAAAAD8/hCOn-X4yJhM/s1600-h/funny-pictures-angry-squirrel-leaves-screaming.jpg

And thats all I gotz to say about Lolcatz :)

You got Bunnies, I got Squirrels.

Er... did I miss something?

Oh- and thanks for giving me props on BrettCajun's blog. I totally appreciate it- even if I didn't win and am so bitter about it I'm drinking drambuie in my travel mug.

Don't listen to CB's whining. He's just mad that he's closer in popularity to Kelly Stern than he is to me or Patrick.