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June 17, 2008
Hit Me Up
During the past few years I've received a couple emails about this site from men who included their Manhunt usernames with their e-mail signatures. I know, I thought it was odd too, until I thought, "Ooooooh, reader butts and penises! Let's take a looksy!"
But when I plugged them into Manhunt, I was told I needed an account to view member profiles. So I set up a limited free account just to see some reader dick -- which were nice, by the way.
Anyway, I received an email from Manhunt last week telling me I was in violation of their rules for not having a profile pic on a free account. Meee-owww. At first I was all, I don't care; delete my account, pig. Then I thought, hmmm, I should hold onto it...just in case...I need it sometime.
So I added a faceless pic and wrote an innocuous profile that said something like, "I have a boyfriend, so I'm ONLY looking to make FRIENDS who will let me piston-fuck them from time to time, cuz that's what friends are for." What? I was just being ironic. Geez.
Then the strangest thing happened, something that has never happened the last couple of years I've had an account: I started getting emails -- lots of emails!
Apparently piston-fucking brings all the boys to the yard.
I now totally understand the Manhunt phenomenon. Totally understand. It's like going to a gay bar, only without the beer breath and CeCe Peniston song blaring in the background. Also, no one is wearing much clothing. And you can leave whenever you want!
I've made more friends on Manhunt in five days than I made in five years on Friendster!
There are several hot guys from DC on the site. I am aware, however, that pics don't always tell the whole truth. Some guys I know have "masculine" listed in their profile stats. MmmHmm. There are also several couples and partnered guys looking around on the site. *giggles*
The only problem is everyone at my gym is on Manhunt, I have now learned. So when I see a guy, he gives me that knowing Manhunt glare. His eyes say, "Hey, what's up?" And I look back with, "Unlock?" Or I look at them with, "How's it going?" And he kinda grins and mentally shoots "horned" back at me. It's now very distracting.
Plus I know what they're all into -- which, again, is fantastic. It helps to enhance friendships to know these things. It really does.
But some of the labels confuse me. What is a Top/Vers or Bottom/Vers? Pick a side for Christ's sake. If you like both then you're versatile, no? I thought Top/vers meant that you top, but you're versatile orally. But some say it means you prefer to top, but will "flip" for the "right guy." Hmm. A glossary on Manhunt would be helpful.
I would totally enjoy having a part-time gig as the profile approver. I've always enjoyed knowing about other people's sex lives. I seriously considered becoming a sex therapist in college. It's fascinating! I am very inquisitive with my friends about sex, but am usually reprimanded by some with, "That's not appropriate, TJ." Perhaps not, but I think people would be less uptight if they would freely discuss sex. Try it. Ask the guy in the cubicle next to you if he's top/vers or bottom/vers.
I do realize there are some crazies on Manhunt, and some really rude ones as well. Most people email "hi" or something equally inoffensive, but some people just write, "Are you hung?" I know -- rude, right? Have some goddamn respect. When guys write that, it goes something like this:
Pig: are you hung?
Me: I am not William
Pig: no, how HUNG are you?
Me: two inches or a yard, rock hard or if it's saggin'
Pig: ???
Me: it ain't like I'm braggin' just join the paddywagon
RIP, Left Eye. One love.
Anyway, I've made several new friends who just want to go on bike rides with me! It's fantastic.
So if you see me online, hit me up and buddy me, bro. But unlock first. ;)
Posted by durban bud at June 17, 2008 05:15 PM
Comments
I almost turned to my side and ask the person next to me about Top/Vers or Bottom/Vers. Then I remember she's a women.
Does that work for Women too?
Posted by: Sorata at June 17, 2008 04:06 PM
Sounds fun. Why don't they have these web sites for lesbians?
Posted by: Sarah at June 17, 2008 04:08 PM
Sometimes when I read your blog I'm really happy I work from home so the only one disturbed by my voracious laughter is the dog.
Have you seen the Hunters and Gatherers blog. Maybe someday they'll showcase your profile.
*chub*
Posted by: Joe at June 17, 2008 06:24 PM
Thanks for the giggles. I need it this week. You are experiencing the "fresh meat" effect on Manhunt. But I will admit that the phrase "pistonfuck" is a powerful marketing tool to use on the average Manhunt girl. Sign me...vers bttm :)
Posted by: Boomer at June 17, 2008 08:07 PM
I don't think you should sell yourself short. You are incredibly attractive -- with or without the pistonfucking. (And I say this in a non-threatening, non-stalking way.)
Posted by: Greg at June 17, 2008 09:39 PM
Love the "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" lines. You rock.
Posted by: Matt at June 18, 2008 12:17 AM
TJ let me give you a run down on the "slang" on Manhunt.
1) VGL = very good liar
2) Masculine only = internalized homophobe
3) Top/Vers = Bttm but will top if forced to
4) Vers = Bttm
5) Bttm = power bttm
6) Swimmers build = shamu has a swimmers build
7) Linebacker build = overweight & in denial
8) Str8 acting = see #2
9) Discreet = liar
10) "Discrete" = "ignunt"
11) No pics = liar and a cheat
11) UB2 = ignorant and trying to hide it.
Hope this helps. *EG*
Posted by: moby at June 18, 2008 01:44 AM
What is "bike ride" code for? I don't get that one.
Posted by: Brian at June 18, 2008 08:51 AM
Did you eat the meatball?
This post has my coworkers wondering why I'm laughing at my monitor.
Posted by: Dennis at June 18, 2008 12:39 PM
Why would ANYONE agree to unlock their pics for you first, when all you'll have is the same Disney G-rated pics we have already seen on your blog? This doesn't smack of a good deal at all!
Posted by: brettcajun at June 18, 2008 01:52 PM
You're only copping onto manhunt NOW?? tsk tsk
(what's your screenname??)
by the way, Matt forgot a few:
1) Married = bottom
2) Top = versatile
3) Marine = bottom
4) bi = mostly top
5) safe only = bb ok if you say you're neg
DB: My screen name is brettcajunsuxdonkeydick
Posted by: cb at June 18, 2008 01:57 PM
There's a whole lotta wrong with that site.
I particularly enjoy all the screen names with the name "boi" in them.
Posted by: Jason at June 18, 2008 02:57 PM
Oops -- you have some of the posters' names switched around.
DB: Kids, the name of the person who leaves a comment is listed below the line underneath their comment. The line seems to confuse people. I really need to upgrade my blog software, but everytime I try, it goes down, and that makes me cry, like a gay guy from Dubai. *sigh* :(
Posted by: Greg at June 18, 2008 07:23 PM
Don't forget:
Athletic - technically 200 lb NASCAR redneck drivers are "athletes" since Nascar is a "sport"
Pig bottom - bttm who has so little feeling left in his arse/rosebud that he'll let pretty much any nasty thing be stuck in there so he can feel something
Posted by: TOS at June 18, 2008 10:06 PM
I'm more than willing to discuss sex. I just lose interest when the subject of buttsex (and ONLY buttsex) comes up 15 times in a lunch conversation.
>; )
You are obsessed with buttsex.
DB: Welcome back, Jimbo. Good to hear from you!
Posted by: jimbo at June 18, 2008 10:33 PM
Um, I got to the fourth paragraph and then suddenly got lost in thought... ... ...
Anyways, I've never figured MH out. I think these days I don't actually trust anybody until I meet them in person. For Manhunt, this was because I had two separate encounters that were absolute opposites, in look and wants, of their profiles. My first two experiences, in fact.
Which probably explains why I've had a total of 4 via MH in the past 5 years.
Which is why I am still lobbying for a sex club to open near my house. That I can handle.
Posted by: atari_age at June 19, 2008 10:46 AM
That has to be the best post I have read lately. I am totally unopposed to talking about sex with my friends. It's fun. And funny. Especially the facial expressions when their inner prude comes out. It amazes me, considering who some of them are *cough*...and considering which one's I've slept with...that they would be bashful on the topic. Boggles my mind. :-)
"If you can't fuck your friends, who can you fuck," asks my pal Eddie. Doesn't mean you can't make friends out of fucks though.
Posted by: A-Ron at June 28, 2008 04:07 PM
hm.
it's been a while since I've been on MH.
you could say I'm "post-sex". scary, isn't it?
Posted by: Spamwise at July 24, 2008 10:43 AM