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July 8, 2008
Leaving New York Part 1
Never easy.
The first person I came out to was my high school friend Pam. Actually, that's not true -- I came out to the guy who was sucking my dick, but I think he already kinda knew.
I secretly started dating that cocksucker. When we started having problems -- as all first-time gay relationships do within the first month, cuz we never had the luxury of really dating anyone in high school -- I had no one to talk to about it. So I called Pam.
She and I would always drive to our spot in a parking lot near Burger King. We would get some coffee (with cream and sweet n' low) and just sit for hours listening to music, talking and insulting each other. We were so fucking cool.
Anyway, I brought her there that day to come clean.
Y'know how most people say they already had a suspicion that you were gay? Not Pam. Of course I never used the word gay, so it took about an hour for her to understand. I kept saying, something happened between me and this guy, and she's like, "OMG -- are you guys taking drugs?" And I was all, "Hell no! I'm waiting until my late twenties to begin my rock bottom descent." Then she thought I was having some torrid affair with a married woman or something. Eventually I had to use my fingers to simulate two dicks rubbing together, which only led to her asking, "OMG -- are you taking up fencing and are embarrassed about it?"
When it finally sunk in, she was more than happy to experience this forbidden world with me. She took me to my first gay club, Carpe Diem, in Rochester, NY back in '92. It has since closed but remains one of the best clubs I've ever been to. I was a wallflower, but anyone who resembled Garth Brooks (shut up! he was cute!) was approached by her and led over to me. She was my pimp daddy. Sadly, I wasn't a slut then, so the Garths were completely bored with me. I was all, "I just want to talk and get to know you." Such a naive boy, I was.
This is what once was Carpe Diem. The picture is deceiving. The entire place was huge. I think it's a burger joint or something now:
This was the view on the side deck of Carpe Diem. There were several rooms in the club for every type of mood or fetish. I suppose this one was considered "the escape":
Obviously I had ended things with the guy who led to my coming out. We remained friends, even though he was a douchebag. He eventually introduced me to his hometown of Washington DC. I loved it, so I started looking into colleges I could transfer to. The main reason, though, was so I could be my big gay self without anyone knowing my bizness. And the gay world in DC was way bigger than Rochester's. Kid in a candy store, I guess.
I still see that douchebag occasionally. He's still a douchebag. I can say that to his face with no problem. He would agree. But if it weren't for that douchebag, I wouldn't be here today. Douchebags are put into your life for the purpose of shaking things up. Friends and family keep you grounded, but douchebags challenge you and steer you into waters that may seem uncomfortable at first. Have you hugged and thanked a douchebag today? You should.
Pam, on the other hand, remains one of my closest friends. Every gay boy has a Pam in his life -- or at least, he should.
Sometimes we forget that we're not 15 anymore. Ah, well.
Posted by durban bud at July 8, 2008 11:52 AM
Comments
I personally think this is an adorable pic of you. I am just curious how many pics did it take to let this one go through your very strict censor office?
It is nice to see you are growing your beard back. Obviously, you are letting yours grow longer than I typically keep mine.
We'll have one big "BEARD OFF" in about 2 1/2 weeks. I stand NO CHANCE of finishing anywhere but at the bottom of that contest especially with beard titans Jimbo and Homer.
BTW - Does your Mom like your beard? (My Mom hates mine.)
DB: My mom said, "What's with all that stuff on your face?" I'm pretty sure that's the first thing she said to me.
Posted by: brettcajun at July 8, 2008 12:52 PM
Beautiful :-)
Posted by: Raybob at July 8, 2008 3:03 PM
Wow, lookit YOU! You actually have EYES! I think this is the first time I've seen you up close where you weren't wearing sunglasses of some sort.
Le sigh...
Posted by: cb at July 8, 2008 4:10 PM
Those two pics are seriously gorgeous .. oh, geez, I sound like such a homo .. (oh, wait..)
The first one is just plain ol' cute. The second one goes well with my morning coffee here at work.
Posted by: Matticus at July 8, 2008 6:41 PM
awwww. I'm making a cameo on your blog.
What a great visit....I love reading the story in writing, God knows it was very interesting living it.
I love who we've become....it is so great to continue to watch you unfold....I wonder what the next 20 years will bring...
xoxox
Posted by: pam at July 8, 2008 10:32 PM
Hope this doesn't mean you've already made your Summer pilgrimage north ...
Posted by: Mike at July 9, 2008 10:51 AM
There you go TJ... show that bitch CB that you do show your eyes dammit! You sure showed him by changing your blog pics. LOL
BTW -- I remember wanting to jump on your ass about this same thing.
Posted by: brettcajun at July 9, 2008 11:01 AM
hmmm... which one was Carpe Diem?? I sort of recognize the outside... was it sort of cavernous with vaulted ceilings?? Heaven was my favorite. And that place on St. Paul.. jeeze.. my braincells from that period are fried..
DB: You probably didn't have pubic hair when Carpe Diem was open. Sad. It was fun. Then again, it was cavernous with large ceilings, so maybe you were there illegally? The place on St. Paul was called The Saint. Good times.
Posted by: Paul at July 9, 2008 11:21 AM
Loved Carpe Diem - hmm...I was there at the same time - 92, 93, 94.
There was some other club, too. I forget. More alternative, with a quasi-gay night.
DB: I think I went to that alternative/industrial club one night. Great space, full of goth kids and homos in khakis. I wish I could remember the name.
Posted by: stebbins at July 9, 2008 11:42 AM
What was then Carpe Diem is now Dinosaur BBQ (the Rochester branch of the place started in Syracuse, and now also in Manhattan). Good BBQ, Great place to hear live blues. Carpe Diem was the best. Back then there was also Marcella's, Bug Jar (still there), Infinity, and other places on Liberty Pole Way.
DB: Bug Jar is still one the coolest bars around. Every city should have a Bug Jar. Never made it to Infinity -- wasn't all the way out then.
Posted by: Mike at July 9, 2008 1:52 PM
I definitely have a Pam in my life, dating all the way to high school. Even after falling out of touch for many years, which we've remedied, we're still close. She reads your blog and will probably even read this comment. If so, I love ya, Pamela.
Posted by: sandy at July 9, 2008 5:56 PM
All the Pams in my life live far, far away from me. Well, actually, I guess I moved far, far away from them. I miss having a Pam.
I'm loving the pictures, especially the new header pic. Sweet.
Posted by: Matt at July 9, 2008 8:03 PM
I have a Pam. I married her. We did that, back then.
Posted by: lacey at July 9, 2008 9:31 PM
I had a Monica.
Posted by: Mark at July 10, 2008 6:23 PM
Sigh...you are so good looking.
Posted by: Greg at July 10, 2008 9:34 PM
I just moved to Rochester a few years ago. I had no idea that the Dinosaur had a previous life as a gay bar. Those must have been the days!
Posted by: Paul at July 14, 2008 12:39 AM
Awww, those are really nice pictures :D Funny she took a while to guess what you were saying. I don't think I flatly said I was gay, usually I just tell my friends I had a crush with this or that guy, and they figured it out.
That's awesome you and Pam remained friends after all these years. I think I have one but she's all the way in Cali at the moment...
Posted by: Kris at July 22, 2008 6:44 PM
***gasp***
You came to Rochester and DIDN'T CALL?!?!? Arrrrrrrgh! Well, I suppose I'm pretty busy with the 12 kids that I have now......
:)
Posted by: reenie at July 23, 2008 10:37 PM
The Carpe Diem Nite Club brings up fond memories to me as well. I would drive with friends from Buffalo to experience the massive nite club and all it's unique rooms and sounds, and of course the guys. We were three sisters who would blow in from nowhere, (and being 'cute' helped !)
In Buffalo, we had nothing similar (nite club wise), the closest (but a fraction of the size) was Cafe' Rumours on Main Street in Downtown.
Carpe's unique outdoor patio overlooking the Genesee was my favorite, the bands playing on the patio added to the scene nicely.
Oh ya, and having the Police Dept close was a bonus to the gays (like me) who just love seeing men in uniform !
Tony
Posted by: tony at December 31, 2008 4:40 AM