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July 11, 2008
Reversal of Fortune
Recently near DC, a grandmother made dinner for her family, which included a stew sprinkled with her own home-grown mint herbs, unknowingly laced with some jimson weed, causing six of her relatives to land in the hospital.
Old people should not be allowed to grow their own herbs.
It's not just awful that they got sick, hallucinated and spoke in tongues; it's also that the news media was right on the scene to document the slurring, confused people, as they were carried away, still affixed to their dinner chairs, while drooling and staring bug-eyed into the camera.
Thanks for the invite, grandma!
This is why I try to avoid dinner parties. That, and the Colbie Caillat music playing in the background.
As unfortunate as this whole ordeal was for those involved, how many of us haven't fantasized about a scenario like this for Thanksgiving? I mean, c'mon -- what better way to make for a memorable evening than by dowsing the stuffing with some jimson weed (at lower doses, of course -- grandma seemed to go a bit overboard with the amount she alledgedly added to the stew, which upgraded everyone's condition to critical).
The first guy I dated in DC slipped some acid into my drink at a party. Such a kidder, he was. I noticed something was up when I took a swig and tasted a piece of paper in my mouth. Hmmm...what's this? About an hour later the wooden patio fence surrounding the outdoor party was changing colors. Large amounts of bright colors were streaming down continuously, like a scene from My Little Pony. Then, when I had to take a piss, small snakes covered in black oil were slithering down the toilet bowl into the drain.
We stopped dating after that.
There was also the time I attended a "bear party" in Rehoboth a few years ago that served a blue punch spiked with something that caused me to end up naked and whore-like in a hot tub with a bunch of hairy dudes.
Then again, I made some friends!
But, I think it's safe to say, old people and "bears" cannot be trusted when serving items to be digested.
Homer and Brett are coming for a visit in a couple weeks. I shall make them dinner one night! My camera takes awesome videos.
Posted by durban bud at July 11, 2008 11:03 AM
Comments
You know it's gonna be a long, tough high when you're seeing colors only an hour after ingestion ...
Posted by: Raybob at July 11, 2008 12:01 PM
"We stopped dating after that."
But why????
Posted by: cb at July 11, 2008 12:31 PM
Umm... as long as you don't lace anything with ex-lax then I'll take a trip with you. Otherwise... I'll kick your butt.
Posted by: brettcajun at July 11, 2008 01:30 PM
Like you'll actually need to lace Brett's food or drink with anything...
Posted by: tonkamanor at July 11, 2008 02:16 PM
Blue Bear-Party Punch = dissolved Viagra? Just guessing.
Posted by: Mike at July 11, 2008 04:10 PM
Please remember the Geritol and Metamucil for Brett.
Posted by: homer at July 11, 2008 05:07 PM
Actually, on a trip out to SF before I lived here, a guy spiked my drink at the Lone Star. Stupid idiot didn't know I was already planning on going home w/him.
All he ended up doing was pissing me off as the moment I felt odd, I became disagreeable to everything he offered and split.
I only found out recently he got arrested later for the same offense. The bad part was the guy he spiked beat the holy fuck out of him. Karma?
Posted by: moby at July 11, 2008 07:38 PM
Yeah, I'd have to dump any guy who couldn't handle his acid, too. But at least you rebounded well.
Posted by: TED at July 11, 2008 09:35 PM
I'm sure we'll come to find out her family had tried to get her to sign up for Medicare Part D but she didn't trust them.
I second tonkamanor on what Brett's diet won't require/ Just give him an old pair of shorts and say some tennis pro once wore them at Wimbeldon and he'll see stars. Even better if it has stains.
Posted by: copperred at July 12, 2008 08:12 PM
Markie (Chemistry Lad) and I both have a plant from that family growing in our gardens (he gave me some seeds). I also have plants that can produce castor oil, ricin and a few other ornamental plants from the datura plant family that can cause death or hallucinations.
If you need any for garnish, fiber or flavor in a dish just ask, although none of them are blossoming yet - and I hear the seeds are even better than the leaves!
Posted by: jimbo at July 13, 2008 03:27 AM
As I was reading this Tom Browne's “Fungi Mama” was playing. How I laughed. How we tittered.
Also, I too have had blue mystery punch at a bear bash. Whathefuck IS it?
Posted by: CraigF at July 13, 2008 04:32 PM
Just last weekend my friend pulled the pot cookie trick on me before a group of us went to a children's amusement park. I spent most of the day looking like a creep sitting on a bench, too stoned to move, watching mothers eye me nervously and grab their children's hands a little tighter while they walked by.
Posted by: John T at July 13, 2008 09:24 PM
kiddy-fiddler on the roof?
Posted by: CraigF at July 14, 2008 05:08 PM