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July 01, 2008
The Elegance of Dimitri
A scruffy friend tipped me off to a lunatic named Dimitri. The sound file documents a couple voicemail messages left by him to some poor woman who made the mistake of giving him her business card.
At first I didn't get the big deal over his messages; he just sounded like the typical guy I've chatted with from Los Angeles. But as I listened more closely, I began to hear the voice of a future serial killer. Creeeeeepy.
We've all met guys like this before, haven't we?
UPDATE: The guy has been identified! "Dimitri, whose real name is James Sears, is a disgraced doctor who was charged, then later acquitted, of sex assaults on several female patients in the early 1990s." Now he sells a manual on how to seduce women. He has a web site too. You Canadians are so lucky to have such an expert!
Next time I'm at Nellies, I'm totally gonna use "you're extremely elegant" and "I couldn't take my eyes off of you" on the gurls to see what happens. Stay tuned!
Posted by durban bud at July 1, 2008 08:08 PM
Comments
"I'm completely single" .. yikes - I wonder why??
That was beyond scary! If I hadn't just been waxed, the hairs on my neck would be standing on end by now.
Posted by: Matticus at July 1, 2008 09:39 PM
Oh my god.
No, alarm bells were going off in my head just listening to this.
eek.
Posted by: atari_age at July 2, 2008 06:00 AM
Wow, scary!
Posted by: Brent at July 2, 2008 08:16 AM
I heard this on Kidd Kraddick in the Morning radio program. The message is WAY creepy.
Can you imagine dating this person? Talk about a control queen! I bet living with him would be like being a bird in a cage. He would probably even tell you what you can or can't wear out in public everyday.
I am guessing he must have had a pretty shitty childhood with abadonment issues. Perhaps his parents moved a lot or even went through a bad divorce?
Regardless, this fellow is not normal and needs psychological help himself. It is quite shocking that he demands a "normal" person, but he sounds so very crazy himself.
Posted by: brettcajun at July 2, 2008 12:08 PM
I LOVE this shit. He is so effing creepy and he doesn't even KNOW it!
That's the best kind!!
Posted by: cb at July 2, 2008 04:46 PM
Oh my God *swoon* he sounds like such a catch. I just wish his number wasn't censored, I'm gagging for a man like that. My man would be out the door in a flash - why should I waste my time with another when the answer to my prayers is right there. And for those that are interested, yes I'm still praying to a bottle of rum... So what.
Dimitri, I don't have any psychological disorders and I've been waiting my whole life for a firm assertive man who knows exactly what he wants... you sound like a dream come true, call me!
Dimitri, it's been seven seconds and you still haven't called me. I'm going to give you until the end of the next minute. If you still haven't called me then obviously there is something wrong with YOU.
Posted by: Kezza at July 3, 2008 07:05 PM
Quite frankly, I think that I speak for all Canadians except Mr. Creepy himself when I say that we'd rather be remembered for giving the world the likes of , I dunno, say, Alan Thicke who in turned spawned a singing son. Wait, that's not exactly the best reference. What about Avril Lavigne and her pom-poms. No takers? Allright, let's try Tom Green. Nope? Well then, I have no choice but to haul out the big guns; The two Ryans (Reynolds and Gosling) shitless in your backyard spa, left oddly inhibitionless by way of a pitcher of Margatini's and the hot sun. Add to that an emerging desire to experiment and you have 1 point for the Canucks! YAY for us!
Posted by: ElfBear at July 5, 2008 11:36 AM
"like a typical guy from Los Angeles"? You meant me, didn't you. I know you meant me and Los Angeles is really code for Orange County. Well, I DON'T play games like that, mister. I'm EXTREMELY normal, because there is NOTHING wrong with me. Oh, you can sit there in your smug little elegant way,, but it won't work!! I'm on to you.. oh.I.am.so.on.to.you.. DON'T.TRY.TO.PLAY.YOUR.LITTLE.PASSIVE.AGRESSIVE.GAME.WITH.ME.MISTER! I'M VERY INTELLIGENT AND GOOD IN BED AND I WON'T FALL FOR IT!
Posted by: DanH at July 5, 2008 09:40 PM
The clearest clue that "Dmitri" is not in touch with reality is that his website identifies him as "Canada's greatest lover and seducer." Um, the best lover Canada has to offer -- isn't that kind of like being the skinniest girl at fat camp? You know -- damning with faint praise and all? I mean, if you're megalomaniacal and self-aggrandizing, man, reach for the stars!
Posted by: Rob at July 8, 2008 11:21 AM
Good lord, talk about creepy. Haven't heard a voice that eerie since Peter Lorre.
Posted by: Mike at July 8, 2008 10:29 PM
If you think the voicemail is bad, check out this announcement for Dimitri The Lover's upcoming meeting of the "Toronto Real Men" ... http://groups.google.ca/group/alt.personals.toronto/browse_thread/thread/fbf5d107a87432f4?hl=en#
Posted by: kevin at August 9, 2008 06:03 PM