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August 08, 2008
Beating Brett Farv
It has come to my attention that this weekend in DC is the 2008 Bear Invasion, or, as I like to call it, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Fat Pants, Too.
The bears should celebrate by building a life-like piñata of their idol, Brett Favre, and take turns beating the hell out of it. It's the only way to send a message to celebrities who hold long drawn-out, teary "retirement" press conferences and subsequent farewell parties, that if they return to their profession a couple months later -- lured by money and ego -- we will bludgeon effigies of them, and get candy and condoms in return. Think of the symbolism of it all.
To get their aggressions out before taking a whack, the bears could scream, "YOUR NAME SHOULD BE PRONOUNCED BRETT FAVOR OR FAV-RUH, NOT FARV! YOU TOOL! Woof." They could even play music during the piñata bash from "farewell tour" fraud specialists Tina Turner and Jay-Z.
Oh, I'm just kidding. Americans love being deceived. We should welcome him back with open arms. He's an American hero!
In other news, elf ears are in style. This is precisely why I'm not into fantasy/science-fiction films and games. Those obsessed with that genre are the ones who sign up for this kind of body desecration, in order to look more like their heroes. Live in the present, people.
Mark my words -- Jimbo will be sportin' elf ears in a couple years.
Via Slog.
Posted by durban bud at August 8, 2008 12:11 AM
Comments
Eeew...elf ears are no different than dramatically sculpted eyebrows in the gay community. Both are ridiculous.
Favre reserves the right to change his mind. But to join the New York Jets is unforgiveable.
Posted by: jimbo at August 8, 2008 10:41 AM
The NY JETS???
Brett is DEAD to me now.
Posted by: cb at August 8, 2008 11:11 AM
Reading this post and the comments truly bring tears to my eyes. Other Heauxmeaux's (Cajun for "HOMO") talking about football.
And here I thought the dialogue between DBud, Jimbo and CB would go like:
DBUD:
"I don't like sportsssss... it'sssssss jussssssst ssssssssoooo violent."
JIMBO:
"But Brett Favre isssss sssssssssoooo hotsssss. I'd dump Pascal for him!"
CB:
"Sssssportsssss.... the only ssssportssss I like isssss watersportssssss."
Posted by: brettcajun at August 8, 2008 12:02 PM
I like my ears to be like hobbit ears, they're less pointy than the elves.
You boys play nice up there.
Posted by: Sorata at August 8, 2008 12:09 PM
Football? Yawn.
Soccer, aka FOOTBALL, rules.
Posted by: Lucky Pierre at August 8, 2008 04:22 PM
That picture of Jimbo is like passing a horrible car wreck on the road... disturbing but you can't look away... I couldn't close that browser window of the ear surgery quick enough though... GROSS!
Posted by: matthew Thompson at August 8, 2008 04:52 PM
Jimbo already has an elf penis!
Posted by: homer at August 8, 2008 07:29 PM
No you di'uhnt homer! Elf ears make force you too look up instead of down below.
Posted by: copperred at August 8, 2008 08:23 PM